Chrispy

I've never been on a forum or such but I have reached appoint that I feel its a good idea to talk it out.

As long as I can remember I've had ringing in my ears. I had numerous ear infections as a kid that may have caused this I'm guessing. I had a couple spills on the bike that knocked me unconscious when I was younger as well. I grew up in the 80's with loud music. I'm 50 years of age and I feel like this is getting worse. It seems to be really affecting my mood especially when I'm in doors. Loud noises are very frustrating and I have a short fuse when we all have to talk louder. Its not fair to my family that they have to deal with my problems and I feel regret afterwards but its very hard for everyone to understand. I wish we had a way to have someone listen to the tone or noise in my head for 15 minutes and share what I'm going through. When the dog barks it kills me. I can hear very well but with the ringing in my head.

I do have thoughts that its better to not be around so I don't have to affect my family with the mood swings. I'm very lucky that we have a great core of a family but I know it changes the perception they have of me. I'm fun one minute and next the wheels come off.

The turning point for me today was decorating the tree today and Christmas music was playing, everyone was talking and I tried to blend in but it became to much for me to handle. I ended up getting mad and short. I did take a break and went upstairs for a bit. I had a breakdown of crying and feeling frustrated for my family...this was new. I basically decided not to be part of the family.

I told my wife that I'm not looking for shelf pity but just very frustrated.

Thanks for the time,

Chris