Man, I'm so damn sorry to hear that. Can you go on sick leave and stay in silence for some time? Do you have a safety net for that? I don't think you should continue to e.g. traveling by train at this point. Please, hang in there buddy.
Tinnitus Talk Support Forum
Give yourself at least two years.
Yup what stacken said. It's time to be in silence for a good while
I have had way too much time off recently due to my back problems and I cannot afford another sick leave. The thought of being alone in my 50 square meters apartment in silence is making me sick. I think I would rather be dead, really. This is not how life is supposed to be - I should be out socializing after all the shit I have been through this year..
. This was my only way out of this. I think I am going to end this soon - I do not see how I would survive this torture and constant worsening. I was not one of the lucky ones to have baby tinnitus which does not react and is only one tone unfortunately - the damage of my ears is enormous. I just cannot believe it but it is true - I am screwed for life even if I decide to stay on this planet.
IT is a pity because we only have once chance on this Earth and mine was taken away from me from one stupid doctor who will live a happy live even though he has literally ruined mine. Life is supposed to be a blessing - not a torture! BTW it is my birthday today - what a blessing, huh? For first time in my life I am going to be alone on my birthday - suffering and I hope it is the last one.
You are on the rollercoaster ride right now but be stubborn and hang on.
During this 2.5 months I got up on my feet numerous times only to be brought down again by another worsening. I fought like a warrior guys, I cannot take this anymore. I fought really hard even before T and H - you can read my post in the suicidal thread. If someone told me I would be here an year ago I would be laughing in his face
But life can be so unfair and cruel. Sorry for bothering you, I just needed to vent. I appreciate all your advice and support so far.
@Freerunner I'm deeply sorry that you're having such a hard time. I relate a lot to your thoughts, even though my case may be milder than yours in some aspects. Please, hear me out; suicide is very risky and can put you in an even worse position than now, if you fail. There's nothing stopping you from doing it now, or in a year or two; Why not persevere, and give it two years in case things turn around? (1/4)
If you are set on committing suicide, your job becomes completely pointless, and if that is the case, you could very well go on sick leave, or lose it, because it wouldn't matter anymore. I've kept my job because I've felt I could manage it, but if I would have gotten progressively worse, I would definitely go on sick leave or quit. Take time off from work, and if they want to fire you, then let them do it. (2/4)
I know it hurts, because I've too come to an employer where I feel like I belong, for life, but our health should always be in the drivers seat. Do you have any relatives that can support you with housing if you lose your job? Do you have a safety net? Do understand that long term improvements isn't far fetched; you're in the initial, and very volatile, phase of these ear problems, but things can settle! (3/4)
Say that your hyperacusis improves, and you regain your tolerances; if you don't have that much hearing loss, your tinnitus could very well improve once you can get enriched with sound again. I have a hard time believing your hair cells have been consistently dying throughout these months, but there could be some kind of inflammation. Have you been to an ENT and discussed steroids? Things can turn around buddy. (4/4)
Hey man happy birthday but 2.5 months is really nothing. Many have been in your situation and it took years. It sucks I know but find any way to stick around a bit longer
Hi guys, I am quite aware that 2.5 months is nothing in the T and H world. However I would have had some hope if thinks at least stayed the same. They did worsen though with enormous tempo. This has restricted my life when I needed socializing the most. I just cannot stand this. I love my job man.
I really for the first time in my life like what I do for a living and I am good at it. It it the only thing that keeps my mind off this for a while (as long as that is possible). I can go and live with my parents but that would be awful for me. I just cannot stand this torture. Believe me guys, I survived so many nasty health and live issues. I would have survived this too if it stayed as it was in the beginning.
Now tinnitus is 3 times louder since the start, SUPER reactive - even talking triggers it . Hyperacusis is way worse. How can I stand this?
Even if I drug myself with the best pills I will still see clearly that my future has been cut at least in half. The restrictions are enormous. I cannot believe how I got into this and how I became one of the severe cases in the forum and maybe worldwide
. I know people with T and H who lead normal lives even go to restaurants, bars etc. One of them is a musician. And me - well I am screwed. Live had to fuck me over real good. Can you imagine so much worsening for two months? I even worsened without loud noise exposures and everywhere I went I was wearing my earplugs- everywhere.