He performed a neurological exam on me which is just a fancy name for poking me with a toothpick, on my hands, feet and face to check if I felt it. I felt everything even though Numbness was one of my first symptoms that later passed.
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He checked reflexes and eye movements, and my strength and resistance. He thought it was concerning that I can barely open my mouth and asked how I can eat. Once I start chewing i can open a little wider but I basically just squish food into my mouth lol
He told me to go to an oral surgeon, but given all my weird neurological symptoms he wants to see an MRI of my brain to rule out MS. He does think it's muscular and TMD but he needs imaging to verify that. I hate my life lol
And then that was it. An MRI hasn't been scheduled yet and no one knows what is exactly wrong or what treatment I need. There's still no relief from my pain, and I'm laying down in bed as I'm typing this because that's the only thing that helps.
It hurts to stand, I feel pain across all my back. I hate to speak because it makes my face and ears hurt. I hate that I can barely do basic things I never thought would bring me pain. Standing, speaking, eating. The only positive is that my T is better (but still reactive) even though my ears hurt more which I barely understand?
I'm in pain everyday and I can't accept that this is the rest of my life. I'd rather end it than be condemned like this.
I want my old life back, I can't take it anymore. I don't know what to do anymore. All my aspirations are gone nbecause my days are ruled by my pain. I'm told repeatedly that doctors won't know how to help me and it honestly feels that way now. There's no point for me going on like this anymore.
I've lost faith in love. This past year I've only felt betrayed by my own family. It was pointless for me to be good, to do as I'm told and study to become a doctor which I now loathe from the bottom of my heart. I could have been living for me and now I lost the chance to even try.
I hate how fragile the human body is, how easily it is to become damaged. I hate that I wasted my health not doing what I wanted. I hate how naive I was to squander my own health. I hate how I wasn't believed for months. I hate how it was my family who didn't believe me. I hate myself for leading myself down this path. I hate that I can't find the way out.
I hate how patients have to become their own doctors because healthcare can't be bothered to do what it was created for. I hate when you finally get an appointment but nothing changes because you're still suffering but now you have to pay doctors to tell you they have no clue what's wrong with you.
Ok, rant over.....
Your young and you have a good chance of getting better. Who knows maybe this experience will help you be a better doctor. You have seen the other side and will prevail.