Juliane
Mood:
Heartbroken
Last Activity:
May 18, 2024 at 9:37 PM
Joined:
Jul 3, 2023
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65
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551

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Gender:
Female
Birthday:
February 28

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Juliane

Member, Female

T wants rigidity. Any type of excitement, good or bad, and it acts up. It wants me to live like an old fragile lady. Which I am I guess May 15, 2024 at 9:43 PM

Juliane was last seen:
May 18, 2024 at 9:37 PM
    1. Juliane
      Juliane
      No support from family. They don't understand how close I am to ending it all. Or they don't care
      1. SharonBell, 4Grace, weehiru and 2 others like this.
      2. RunningMan
        RunningMan
        This is a common theme on here. People who don't have it severe don't get how much suffering it can cause.
        Apr 28, 2024
        Pinhead, 4Grace, Juliane and 3 others like this.
    2. Juliane
      Juliane
      How can I keep hoping for better times when life today is so much worse than one year ago? When I think of the future I freeze with fear
      1. 4Grace, tpj, gameover and 1 other person like this.
    3. Juliane
      Juliane
      I will quit my job. I give up
      1. gameover likes this.
    4. Juliane
      Juliane
      I am so tense all the time, this cannot go on
      1. SharonBell and gameover like this.
    5. Juliane
      Juliane
      I need help
      1. gameover likes this.
    6. Juliane
      Juliane
      Please help me. I am losing everything
      1. tpj and gameover like this.
    7. Juliane
      Juliane
      How do you guys avoid getting sick from the constant torture and lack of sleep? My immune system is failing badly
      1. RunningMan likes this.
      2. RunningMan
        RunningMan
        This has been something that's worried me for a couple years. I average about 5 1/2 hours, and I keep seeing news stories that recommend 7 to 8 hours and that not getting enough is unhealthy. And then, add all the anxiety on top of that, which can take its toll on your health as well. Exercise & diet can only do so much.
        Apr 28, 2024
        gameover and Juliane like this.
      3. Juliane
        Juliane
        Apr 28, 2024
        gameover and RunningMan like this.
      4. RunningMan
        RunningMan
        I feel kind of sick sometimes, but I think it's mostly from anxiety, and now from a new sleep med I just started. Also, have apparent nerve pain behind shoulder and ongoing stomach pains for months, that I never used to have until late last year. I got a referral for diagnosis.
        Apr 28, 2024
        Juliane and gameover like this.
    8. Juliane
      Juliane
      Loud humming tone quiets a bit when I plug my ears. HOW is that possible? Is that objective tinnitus?
      1. 4Grace and SumGuy like this.
      2. View previous comments...
      3. Juliane
        Juliane
        @Pinhead I know for sure it is in my head because it follows me around. But since I can somehow manipulate the sound by plugging my ear, I wonder if the sound literally/ organically comes from a place inside my head? I read that true objective tinnitus can be heard by other people eg with a stethoscope
        Apr 27, 2024
        4Grace likes this.
      4. Juliane
        Juliane
        @Tryn2BHopeful Perhaps all the WiFi surrounding us is finally getting to the more sensitive among us :-( It def cannot be healthy with all that electronic shite
        Apr 27, 2024
        4Grace likes this.
      5. SumGuy
        SumGuy
        I had a tone like this! It was my neighbors noise machine since she had horrible t at night.
        Apr 27, 2024
        4Grace and Juliane like this.
    9. SumGuy
      SumGuy
      How are you doing friend?
      1. gameover likes this.
      2. Juliane
        Juliane
        Thanks for checking in on me. Struggling at the moment. How are you?
        Apr 25, 2024
        SumGuy, tpj and gameover like this.
      3. SumGuy
        SumGuy
        Hi Juliane, sorry to hear that. I hope things turn around for you. I'm ok, I'm not sure if its going down in volume or im getting used to it. I miss silence
        Apr 26, 2024
        tpj and Juliane like this.
    10. Juliane
      Juliane
      It is not the strongest people who survive but the luckiest
      1. SilverFox, tpj, streifzug and 3 others like this.
      2. Jammer
        Jammer
        I'd rather be lucky than good any day.
        Apr 22, 2024
        Juliane, ZFire and gameover like this.
      3. BB23
        BB23
        Yes. Survival of the fittest doesn't mean the strongest survive. The strongest could die in an accident. It doesn't relate to physical fitness. It means to fit the environment. to avoid all complications of life long enough to pass on your genes.
        Apr 23, 2024
        gameover and Juliane like this.
      4. Juliane
        Juliane
        @BB23 I agree. But even mental strength is also not enough when e.g. having T. It wears you down over time. If it spontaneously lowered that's a different story. Then you are Lucky. Then you start thriving again. But not because of strength. Because of luck. Pure luck.
        Apr 23, 2024
        Cmspgran, gameover and BB23 like this.
    11. Juliane
      Juliane
      I now know life can change in an instant. The homeless person on the street could have been you or me.
      1. SilverFox, tpj and gameover like this.
      2. View previous comments...
      3. crescentsky
        crescentsky
        I desperately wish this was an option - take all my investments and stocks. take all my friends too. don't have a husband, but take him too! i don't care. just give me the damn permanent silence.
        Apr 23, 2024
      4. BB23
        BB23
        In the modern world we think in very limited and self centered ways. I don't think being homeless is the worst thing, compared to this scenario. You could be a farmer and vikings can come invade your land and rip your heart out and eat it to please their gods etc. stuff like this used to happen all the time. nobody in the world is destined to be happy.
        Apr 23, 2024
        gameover likes this.
      5. Juliane
        Juliane
        @cjbhab So would I! But my point was also that some homeless people probably also have T in addition to other multiple issues. We just never know what people struggle with which is why we should never judge anyone.
        Apr 23, 2024
        SharonBell and gameover like this.
    12. Juliane
      Juliane
      I think I might aspire to become a crazy bag lady wandering the streets wearing ear muffs while shouting incomprehensibly at bypassers
      1. Sansa and gameover like this.
      2. cjbhab
        cjbhab
        i don’t recommend shouting. that will give you a spike.
        Apr 22, 2024
        Sansa, tpj, BrOKeN_1 and 2 others like this.
      3. Juliane
        Juliane
        Apr 23, 2024
        tpj likes this.
    13. Juliane
      Juliane
      If I could be deaf with zero T, I swear I would want that. I really do
      1. tpj and gameover like this.
      2. cjbhab
        cjbhab
        imagine being deaf with T!! i would pull the trigger immediately.
        Apr 22, 2024
        Juliane, gameover and Kiyomi like this.
      3. Juliane
        Juliane
        @cjbhab I know! That's why being deaf with ZERO T would be the only manageable way. However, being deaf with no T becomes more and more appealing. Funny how life changes your perspective
        Apr 23, 2024
        gameover and tpj like this.
      4. crescentsky
        crescentsky
        deaf with zero T, complete 100000% silence - the dream!
        Apr 24, 2024
        Juliane and gameover like this.
    14. Joe P. Tamborra
      Joe P. Tamborra
      Jesus promises His followers that when we enter His kingdom, there will
      be no more death, pain, sorrow, or crying (Revelation 21:4) With a precious
      promise like that, it makes tinnitus bearable; knowing that this to will pass!
      1. Juliane
        Juliane
        It does not comfort me. I was hoping for a good life
        Apr 22, 2024
        gameover likes this.
      2. Juliane
        Juliane
        Also, I would not know how to follow Jesus even if I wanted to. How does one follow Jesus?
        Apr 22, 2024
        gameover likes this.
      3. gameover
        gameover
        It is nice psycho babble. If it works for one, great. Does not help me, sorry.
        Apr 23, 2024
    15. Juliane
      Juliane
      If a vampire offered you eternal life without T and H but having to live a vampire life, would you say yes?
      1. SharonBell, streifzug, tpj and 2 others like this.
      2. View previous comments...
      3. Lurius
        Lurius
        In a heartbeat! *pun intended*
        Apr 22, 2024
        gameover and Juliane like this.
      4. gameover
        gameover
        Yeah, I really like the idea. I would feast on all the Harley riders, rednecks in loud trucks and other noisy scum. Win-win.
        Apr 23, 2024
        Juliane and tpj like this.
      5. Lurius
        Lurius
        @gameover You could be a Ventrue with a preference for noisy people xD
        Apr 26, 2024
    16. Juliane
      Juliane
      My nervous system is dysregulated. How do I balance it?
      1. 4Grace
        4Grace
        I am truly sorry to hear this. My anxiety is also through the roof the last 3 days. I am experiencing some symptoms from it that I don’t even want to mention. It’s your damned if you do and your damned if you don’t. Constant fear of noise I find can be just as bad as T. I use youtube guided meditation videos. Try to go out in noise friendly places. Talk to people.
        Apr 22, 2024
        tpj, Juliane and L along the way like this.
      2. Juliane
        Juliane
        Apr 22, 2024
        tpj likes this.
    17. Juliane
      Juliane
      My anxiety is getting so bad that I have trouble leaving my home
    18. Juliane
      Juliane
      Has anyone else started getting frequent infections and getting sick more often after T? I litterally get sick all the time
      1. gameover likes this.
      2. View previous comments...
      3. Juliane
        Juliane
        I am so glad to hear you are better @gameover
        Apr 23, 2024
        gameover and 4Grace like this.
      4. gameover
        gameover
        Thank you @Juliane. Usually when I write I am better, I turn worse. I am suffering through a hellish day and night today. Do you get better/lower T days at all these days?
        Apr 25, 2024
      5. Juliane
        Juliane
        Apr 28, 2024
        gameover likes this.
    19. Utdmad89
      Utdmad89
      Thanks
      1. Juliane
        Juliane
        For what?
        Apr 14, 2024
    20. Juliane
      Juliane
      I told a friend with another (treatable) disease that she should be happy it's not chronic and consider herself lucky. Think I lost a friend
      1. gameover and Kiyomi like this.
      2. View previous comments...
      3. Varda
        Varda
        You're spending too much time on this forum. Real friends in the real world don't gaslight each other that they have a "mild case" like they do here.
        Apr 14, 2024
        Tryn2BHopeful likes this.
      4. Juliane
        Juliane
        @Varda; while I do believe all things are relative, I also know for a fact that it helped me in the past when I suffered from mild T to learn from others who objectively had it a lot worse than I to come out of my depression. Tough love can also be love. And helpful. Today, I would be so happy if I had mild T. Not saying you or anyone else here has mild T. But I know I did, before it became worse
        Apr 14, 2024
        ECP, RunningMan, tpj and 1 other person like this.
      5. Juliane
        Juliane
        And while I would never minimize anyone's pain or suffering, I honestly believe that having treatment available that WORKS or even gives temporary relief means being in a much better place than tinnitus sufferers for whom there is no treatment, not even temporarily. My friend who I referred to will be given treatment for something that is temporary. I don't think that is the same level of tragedy as chronic tinnitus
        Apr 14, 2024
    21. Juliane
      Juliane
      2/2 And then I think of course not. Our conditions ARE our lives. I am fucked.
      1. weehiru
        weehiru
        I empathise, so much. It's why I have reframed my mind in considering life being the experiences, the connections and the memories I'm making alone, rather than the conditions I'm facing. Turning it away from just myself as a means to cope. But it's hard. Extremely. Giving you strength today and tomorrow Juliane.
        Apr 13, 2024
        gameover, Juliane, tpj and 1 other person like this.
      2. Tryn2BHopeful
        Tryn2BHopeful
        I said those words to myself today... but then will turn around and say I can do this. I think I am T bipolar...
        Apr 13, 2024
        gameover, Juliane and L along the way like this.
    22. Juliane
      Juliane
      1/2 When optimistic I think: if life conditions have become unbearable can life still be good? Can we separate the two (life and conditions)
      1. L along the way
        L along the way
        How to say.. i just find this very profound statement. I have a tendency to be too philosophical about things maybe, well this statement.. i dunno.. i feel it. To me it's also about the physiology and psychology of it all. In the end to be honest, it's a big question mark how it all works, but i do feel that definitely we gotta try to make our life conditions as beneficial and natural as possible..
        Apr 13, 2024
        Juliane likes this.
      2. L along the way
        L along the way
        The search for psychological ease with painful t has been a harsh difficult ride here.. i think for most of us here. Maybe i gotta try to analyse less.. remind myself to not analyse things too much.. but just trying to improve the life conditions that we can improve, and live a natural and healthy lifestyle. I hope that with time things can improve.
        Apr 13, 2024
        Juliane likes this.
    23. Juliane
      Juliane
      This will be my last year unless something dramatically improves
      1. dipp, Kiyomi, gameover and 2 others like this.
      2. View previous comments...
      3. Juliane
        Juliane
        @Andrei88 Thank you. I appreciate your words a lot. But how do we know if our T is even similar? These things are so hard to compare. I fear I can never adapt to such horrific life conditions.
        Apr 14, 2024
      4. Andrei88
        Andrei88
        For sure! I have very bad days still, but you get used to the fact that things to get better again, that helps you to endure.
        Apr 14, 2024
        Juliane and gameover like this.
      5. gameover
        gameover
        Apr 25, 2024
    24. 4Grace
      4Grace
      Hey Julian, sorry to bother no need to respond. Just saying hello, hope you are doing a little better these days. I think of you now and then…. Wish you all the best always. You’re like an old friend I have not spoken to in a while. :)
      1. tpj, L along the way and Juliane like this.
      2. Juliane
        Juliane
        @4Grace You never bother me. I consider you a friend too. A friend I hope will soon feel better :-)
        Apr 13, 2024
        gameover, tpj and L along the way like this.
    25. Juliane
      Juliane
      I have a feeling that we would all heal a lot easier if there was peace and harmony in the world. F... war-makers!
      1. gameover and tpj like this.
      2. View previous comments...
      3. Juliane
        Juliane
        No did not cause mine either but no one needs all these multiple stressors from war, conflict and idiocy.
        Apr 1, 2024
        4Grace, tpj and L along the way like this.
      4. L along the way
        L along the way
        @Juliane i completely agree.. what a world this is.. for me personally, i have to think about.. when i started eating a plant based diet for health reasons, i've later seen a lot of footage of factory farming.. what the animals have to endure.. i hope people get more awareness on this, so we can make better informed choices..
        Apr 2, 2024
        4Grace and Juliane like this.
      5. L along the way
        L along the way
        The thing for me is.. the wars i can not fix.. but i can choose what i eat, so i try to focus more on own lifestyle choices, than on what's going on out there what we have no control over.
        Apr 2, 2024
        4Grace, Juliane and tpj like this.
    26. Juliane
      Juliane
      I am ready to retire. I would not even be sad about giving up any ambitions of a work life. Only relief would be felt.
      1. gameover, _Shoto_ and Kiyomi like this.
      2. crescentsky
        crescentsky
        +1 only other thing is I don't have enough savings to last lol. Sometimes I wonder if T would be easier if we got it in our 80s, where we would have lived out most of our lives already and have done probably most of the things we need to do or accomplish. And living with it for 5 years is less daunting than say 40+ years.
        Apr 1, 2024
        Manny, tpj, gameover and 2 others like this.
      3. Juliane
        Juliane
        I agree. I think getting T would always be a nightmare but less time to have to live with it when you are a senior.
        Apr 1, 2024
        Manny, tpj and gameover like this.
    27. Juliane
      Juliane
      I have lost all hope
      1. L along the way, Kiyomi and streifzug like this.
      2. SumGuy
        SumGuy
        :( not sure what to do to help but I truely hope you find some relief soon
        Apr 1, 2024
        L along the way, Juliane and tpj like this.
      3. L along the way
        L along the way
        I symphatize with you dear one.. can i just share.. i've had moments where i lost all hope.. lying in bed without being able to sleep, and just repeating to myself "let it all be over".. and such.. and then sometimes some days later.. i feel a bit better, and there is some form of relief, inspiration and hope again.. so for myself, i notice it fluctuates
        Apr 2, 2024
        Juliane and tpj like this.
    28. Juliane
      Juliane
      My therapist said "But you ARE already living with this condition". As some sort of epiphany. Well, I beg to differ. This is not living.
      1. crescentsky
        crescentsky
        everyday it's like dragging my already dead body around and pretending im not already very much dead inside.
        Apr 1, 2024
        Manny, gameover and Juliane like this.
      2. Juliane
        Apr 1, 2024
        crescentsky and gameover like this.
    29. Juliane
      Juliane
      Either you can live with this condition or you cannot. There is no habituation. Not for me. As a lover of silence, the odds are bad.
      1. Pinhead, tpj, gameover and 4 others like this.
    30. Juliane
      Juliane
      I'm never going to give in to gasligthing and normalize this degenerative disease as a minor nuisance. For a year+ it has made my life hell
      1. ECP, Varda, tpj and 5 others like this.
      2. Varda
        Varda
        They hardly even do any research on tinnitus because its not a "disability." Azithromycin is "safe" because it does not cause hearing loss and tinnitus is just a mild annoyance that we don't even need to bother checking or writing down how many people are getting it.
        Apr 1, 2024
        gameover and Juliane like this.
      3. Varda
        Varda
        I should also clarify that as "-30db hearing loss." No one cares about hearing loss under 30db because you can still hear orders and do your job.
        Apr 1, 2024
        gameover and Juliane like this.
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  • About

    Gender:
    Female
    Birthday:
    February 28
    Tinnitus Since:
    2003
    Cause of Tinnitus:
    Noise /acoustic trauma
    Tinnitus and hearing loss. New damage made my "old" T so much worse. Life is forever changed. I am still struggling with the trauma of it all. I have become indifferent to so many things. And for that I feel guilty. I don't see a possible happy future anymore. I am sorry.