When you speak of karma, are you coming from a place of firm religious beliefs or a hypothetical view as to whether karma is real or not? I'm asking because karma means different things to different people.
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I am asking out of genuine interest. I do believe in karma so feel I am being punished
I also wonder if VAD would add to the bad karma as it is suicide. Or would it be forgiven when suffering is unbearable?
If karma is real, then all we can do is resolve to become better people in the hopes of getting well, whether or not we know what we did to deserve this.
I hope I don't offend you when I say that I'm undecided as to whether karma is real, especially the kind of karma that extends across multiple incarnations. To me, it doesn't seem fair to be punished or rewarded in this incarnation for something we did in a previous incarnation that we can't even remember having.
I'll take responsibility for good and bad stuff I've done in this lifetime, though. That to me seems fair. I still don't think I deserve T and H. I think there's an element of bad luck to this.
And I'm pretty sure you don't deserve this either. None of us do. And that's both comforting and scary, I know. Comforting that we're not morally culpable, but scary because we're victims of bad luck. 
I don't know if VAD would make karma worse. Any type of suicide, abortion, or murder would be deemed a sin in some religions. It's a hard choice, that's for sure. I'm sorry you're in such a rough patch right now. I'm right there with you. *hugs*
I been told doing charity is a way to release karma. I always thought T was my punishment for not following the typical life path and not from my karma I somehow collected.
@crescentsky What do you mean by typical life path?
marriage, 2.5 kids, the usual whatever ppl/society/parents push onto you
@crescentsky I know what you mean. But I think many people here on TT are actually people with families, so don't know...