Pinhead
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Last Activity:
Sep 16, 2024 at 3:12 PM
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Gender:
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Location:
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Pinhead

Member, Male, from USA

Still doing terribly. So bad. Three years and six months. No improvement. Utter horror. Destined for suicide. Sep 16, 2024 at 3:12 PM

Pinhead was last seen:
Sep 16, 2024 at 3:12 PM
    1. Pinhead
      Pinhead
      Still doing terribly. So bad. Three years and six months. No improvement. Utter horror. Destined for suicide.
      1. 2049v
        2049v
        @Pinhead, What have you tried so far? Has there not been even the slightest relief in your condition?
        Sep 16, 2024 at 6:47 PM
    2. Pinhead
      Pinhead
      It’s just too reactive now. Every noise is just too much. I can’t see myself functioning for much longer. I’ve run out of fuel.
    3. Pinhead
      Pinhead
      I went to see a play. It was calm, quiet. Then, at the end, everyone stood and applauded. It's been worse since. Pain and sensitivity now.
      1. cjbhab
        cjbhab
        people clapping is the worst sound in the world for me.
        Sep 11, 2024 at 9:26 PM
    4. Pinhead
      Pinhead
      Just so sick of being miserable. Not sure why I keep this up.
      1. 2049v likes this.
    5. Pinhead
      Pinhead
      A painful realization to find that things do always change, but now only for the worse. No improvement for the rest of my life. Unreal.
      1. kingsfan likes this.
    6. Pinhead
      Pinhead
      Slowly crawling toward four years in hell. It’s only gotten worse.
      1. L along the way and streifzug like this.
      2. streifzug
        streifzug
        Same for me
        Sep 5, 2024
        L along the way likes this.
      3. L along the way
        L along the way
        That's so harsh.. pfff.. i pray we all can experience wellbeing again some day
        Sep 6, 2024
    7. Pinhead
      Pinhead
      "What do you do for fun?" "...fun?" I literally do nothing. I leave work and sit and stare at my phone and listen to blasting rain noise.
      1. ECP
        ECP
        That's the socially awkward part of chronic illness. I find myself avoiding people because I don't want them to ask what I've been up to. If I were brutally honest about how miserable I've been, they'd be taken aback, but if I pretended to be okay, I'd feel inauthentic. At least here, we can be fairly honest with one another about our struggles.
        Sep 12, 2024 at 6:45 PM
    8. Pinhead
      Pinhead
      Good morning. Another day in hell. Enjoy your torture.
    9. Pinhead
      Pinhead
      One FREAKING day of no constant hissing and chirping would be unreal. I can't do a f*cking thing but sit in misery.
      1. 4Grace, L along the way and _Shoto_ like this.
    10. Pinhead
      Pinhead
      I miss books. I miss reading. I miss creating. Now I just watch dumb television and wait for the day to pass me by with rain noise blasting.
      1. View previous comments...
      2. 2049v
        2049v
        @Pinhead, that's the worst. I hope you will be able to work man. I'm not able right now, trying to survive on benefits. My whole life has changed, I've been destroyed basically. I would be grateful if I could find some remote stuff but so far, nothing.
        Sep 4, 2024
      3. Pinhead
        Pinhead
        @2049v It doesn't matter if it's remote. I was remote for a year and it made no difference in my ability to concentrate. I was fired from that job for not meeting metrics.
        Sep 10, 2024 at 2:35 PM
      4. 2049v
        2049v
        @Pinhead, Yes, I understand, you’re also right, but otherwise, I have almost no chance of working, the probability is close to zero. If I can find a remote job, at least I can manage by masking the fucking tinnitus somehow and, for better or worse, earn my own money.
        Sep 10, 2024 at 5:11 PM
    11. Pinhead
      Pinhead
      This isn't a "trial" that some of us can "pass through". There is no "through". Torture is our everyday norm. It's a new horrific reality.
      1. gameover, 4Grace, beefling and 2 others like this.
    12. Lipshitz
      Lipshitz
      My opinion is that Masking when Tinnitus is very loud only worsens it , using sound therapy to mask over very loud T isn't something I would do . I'm nobody to give anybody advice but using loud sounds to mask loud Tinnitus dont make sense to me that can damage hearing further .
    13. Pinhead
      Pinhead
      No, I'm not a 'people person'. I'm barely a person. I'm 99% noise.
      1. gameover likes this.
    14. Lipshitz
      Lipshitz
      You said when I wake up ! So the question is how do you even fall asleep
      1. Pinhead
        Pinhead
        I have no trouble falling asleep. Tinnitus tires me out completely.
        Aug 21, 2024
    15. Pinhead
      Pinhead
      Girlfriend is starting to say she wants to "do more things". I think it's setting in that "doing things" together is a lost dream now.
      1. BrOKeN_1, 2049v and snizzleberry like this.
    16. Pinhead
      Pinhead
      THI still at 92. Catastrophic and incapable of living.
      1. L along the way and 4Grace like this.
      2. L along the way
        L along the way
        :( i hope it will improve
        Aug 21, 2024
    17. Pinhead
      Pinhead
      Waking up with my masking noises off is the worst. The buzzing and hissing slowly transforms into inconsistent ringing and chirping.
      1. L along the way and 4Grace like this.
    18. Pinhead
      Pinhead
      New doctor. New therapist. Same hell.
      1. 4Grace likes this.
      2. cullenbohannon
        cullenbohannon
        Im sorry to hear that man. Correct me if I am wrong but did you mention you were into philosophy? If so do you have any particular favorites or ones you especially dislike? Hoping this look up for you soon friend.
        Aug 17, 2024
      3. Pinhead
        Pinhead
        @cullenbohannon Yes, more than just an interest. I have a graduate degree in philosophy. My specializations included Martin Heidegger, technology, postmodern thought, Deleuze, and more. Albert Camus holds a special place for me. His thinking is easy to approach and enact.
        Aug 20, 2024
        cullenbohannon and 4Grace like this.
      4. cullenbohannon
        cullenbohannon
        Impressive, I just read for fun but I have read much of Camus. Deleuze is very interesting to me but I will say there is something very difficult for me to pierce with him. I sometime feel I have some idea of what he is trying to get at, but in a very superficial sense. I like your taste and I am sorry you are suffering as much as you are.
        Aug 22, 2024
    19. Pinhead
      Pinhead
      Sometimes it hits me harder than a train."This is it. Life is over. You are one of those people parents warn their children about becoming."
      1. Ekonkar, Juliane, tpj and 1 other person like this.
      2. 4Grace
        4Grace
        ❤️
        Aug 2, 2024
    20. Pinhead
      Pinhead
      Strange, troubling turn of events: I found a journal of mine from ten years ago, and I mention ringing in my ears...I have no memory of it.
      1. ECP, 4Grace and aab like this.
    21. Pinhead
      Pinhead
      Sleep = laying in bed with my eyes closed for eight hours a night while my head screams.
      1. View previous comments...
      2. SarahMLFlemmer
        SarahMLFlemmer
        That's why I take medication to sleep now. I hate it but I can't not sleep. Tinnitus sucks so bad.
        Jul 28, 2024
        L along the way likes this.
      3. L along the way
        L along the way
        I'm using meds for sleep too.. and still struggle a lot with getting to sleep. I've been feeling so much sadness lately about this whole situation. The pain, and it's just too ridiculous for words, really. The basic need of sleep, if it interferes with that.. all the time.. good heavens. I pray for healing.
        Jul 28, 2024
      4. 4Grace
        4Grace
        I am so destroyed that I fall asleep with the blasting because the day is over. Everyday I pray for 10 pm so I can go into my bed. Blasting.
        Jul 31, 2024
    22. Pinhead
      Pinhead
      Can't even think straight anymore. It's like I have dementia. I can't hold a thought and my short-term memory is totally shot.
      1. Juliane
        Juliane
        Me too. I get lost often. Alzheimers
        Aug 14, 2024
    23. Pinhead
      Pinhead
      Chirp. Chirpchirpchirp. EEEEEEEEeeeEeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
    24. Pinhead
      Pinhead
      Worse and worse and worse. Never better. Always worse. Can't do this.
      1. 4Grace, aab and streifzug like this.
    25. Pinhead
      Pinhead
      "I understand, I get migraines." Oh, and they go away? Then you have no idea.
      1. 4Grace, L along the way, tpj and 3 others like this.
      2. Juliane
        Juliane
        Exactly. This is exactly why tinnitus and hyperacusis are among the worst conditions you can get. There's never a break! If they came and went like with migraines, I would not be bothered to complain about it. Such luxury conditions are not worth mentioning. In fact, I dare say that most people would not be able to endure T and H.
        Jun 8, 2024
        2049v, L along the way, tpj and 5 others like this.
      3. kingsfan
        kingsfan
        Migraines do give you somewhat of a break as you typically don't suffer from them every single day of your life, but they can be relentless. When I get them they tend to last for days or weeks at a time, but then they'll go away for an extended period of time. I'll never forget the Nov 2019. I had a migraine that entire month.
        Jun 8, 2024
        L along the way and gameover like this.
      4. crescentsky
        crescentsky
        Migraines are no fun. But I will gladly choose my reoccurring migraines over shit tinnitus. At least I'll feel 75% content/per month. vs 100% under house arrest. They will never understand the constant 24/7 T/H/N/ETC.
        Jun 9, 2024
        L along the way and gameover like this.
    26. Pinhead
      Pinhead
      "Reduce your stress!" Okay, tinnitus is the most potent cause of my stress. Thanks for the useless advice.
      1. 2049v, Angieuurope, SilverFox and 9 others like this.
      2. Varda
        Varda
        Money can be used to reduce stress in a lot of ways but you'll notice no one that tells you to "reduce your stress" ever just forks over cash
        Jun 8, 2024
      3. BlueMoon86
        BlueMoon86
        That's because everyone thinks tinnitus is just some faint jingle bells or cricket sounds. I got recommended meditation. Yes, I will meditate with what sounds like a small airplane propeller in my skull.
        Jun 8, 2024
        gameover likes this.
    27. Pinhead
      Pinhead
      Discovery: Jameson whiskey makes my ringing worse, and bourbon does not. Any ideas why???
      1. 4Grace
        4Grace
        You can drink!!! What a blessing. Must be something in that Jameson. Cheers with the Bourbon. Have one for me please.
        Jun 6, 2024
        Juliane likes this.
    28. 4Grace
      4Grace
      How have things been since the wedding? Hope you are doing better.
      1. Pinhead
        Pinhead
        @4Grace It's been up and down since then. For two days after the wedding I had SEVERE TTS or something, unlike any thing I've ever experienced in my life. The high-pitched shrieking has died down but it's still there. Now my tones are just more intrusive in each ear.
        Jun 4, 2024
        BB23 and 4Grace like this.
    29. Pinhead
      Pinhead
      Every noise is causing my ears to feel full. Footsteps, water, even talking, all accompanied by a new shrill shriek that I've never had.
      1. Sansa likes this.
      2. 4Grace
        4Grace
        I am at this point too.
        May 31, 2024
      3. 4Grace
        4Grace
        The problem is I can’t survive staying in. Also cannot survive ear plugs. The more I walk in the woods or exercise the worse I get. I’m in big trouble. Cannot go inside stores. Nothing. I tried. No limit worsening. Nightmare!!
        May 31, 2024
      4. 4Grace
        4Grace
        I have been thinking of you and really hope you are okay. I am so sorry to hear this news.
        Jun 1, 2024
    30. Pinhead
      Pinhead
      Went to a wedding with my girlfriend Saturday. I will regret it for the rest of my life. Hearing is muffled and tinnitus is very reactive.
      1. Juliane likes this.
      2. View previous comments...
      3. 4Grace
        4Grace
        So many people have T with no pain or worsening. Seems like everyone I know. Seems so much different for us.
        May 31, 2024
      4. 4Grace
        4Grace
        One of my friends had bad T but he lives as if he does not have it. Wedding. Concerts. Everything. His does not change with movements food or sound. He can have a bucket of ice cream no change. Concerts. No change.,
        May 31, 2024
      5. Juliane
        Juliane
        @4Grace The friend you describe has mild T. A non-issue, I would say.
        Jun 8, 2024
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  • About

    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    USA
    Occupation:
    Nonprofit
    Tinnitus Since:
    04/2021
    Cause of Tinnitus:
    Unknown
    "Unbearable, isn't it? The suffering of strangers, the agony of friends. There is a secret song at the center of the world ... and its sound is like razors through flesh."