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Chronic pain stripped away any little freedoms i had left....but at least i can drive.

something is wrong with me. this isn't a simple textbook case of tmd, and i hate myself for self-diagnosing myself because now it has turned into a weapon used against me. My parents treat me like a normal case, like i have normal pains. 'if i grind my teeth i'll end up like you,' my dad told...

i hate my body. Why is my body my enemy? Why is it hurting me so? I want to be free from this existence.

in a hypothetical situation, say i fell down the stairs and couldn't get up, My sister would look down from the top and never lend a hand. There would be me, pleading for help, while she'd look down in disgust and codemn me for yelling. Just today, she wouldn't even open the door for me because...

But i got my hopes up and i'm no better or worse. No doctors or PTs want to bothered to investigate a confusing case like mine. They should do their damn job. i hate medicine, i hate how cowardly these 'professionals' are all acting. Cowardly, mean, dismissive. Only someone who has a problem...

I told him about all the other pain of my body, how so much of it is left sided and between my shoudler blades. He really...dismissed it like the other PTs who dismiss my facial pain. From both of their perspectives, neither pain is related to the other. It was a depressing session. I seriously...

then he stop tongue depressors, stacked on top of eachother, and then put them in my mouth to stretch/open up my mouth. He says that's something i should do 5 times a day(?) and idk i don't want to do that....

My face still felt the same after the massage, and it was....like what I do on my own. He tried opening my mouth with his thumb, pressing down on my lower teeth, and truthfully in that moment it was the stuff of nightmares, but it didn't bugde (i really didn't want it to and I was kind of...

he tried to massage my facial muscles, he said he couldn't feel my discs. But i'm also positive that he didn't look at my MRIs, but i did think he asked if i got imaging done, so he really didn't look at my images. He also tried to massage my trapezius muscle. But he said he wasn't going to give...

i asked him about the relationship between the hips and the jaw and he laughed in my face. That basically there was no connection between the two, and that I was overthinking the problem way too much. And then he called my nutty.

@Juliane it really sucks :( *hugs*

@Juliane Yes, and urgently. The healthcare system needs a makeover.

i think i lost all value to my parents when i cancelled taking the MCAT last summer, no longer pursuing the medical school route. To them, that cancellation usurped the beginning of my chronic pain; the end of a potential career as a doctor continues to overshadow my hellish condition. I'm...

Not that my PT could answer any of my questions. He doesn't specialize in TMD. I'm the idiot for going back. Chronic pain changed my opinion on living, on simply existing--I am no longer a fan of it and i think it's dreadful. Everyday is torture. I just have to distract myself long enough to...

I guess it's all my fault, i wanted this treatment to work and i kept going, i'm an idiot for hoping this would help me. But now i'm stopping with this PT (i hate how my mom viewed these sessions as 'social visits' and kept flirting with my PT instead of viewing them as real physical therapy...

And using the leg press machine and leg abductor machine make the pain in my pelvis/back worse, and actually gives me more pain on the left side of my face (the left side of my body is where its concentrated) but ofcourse he kept adding weights to the machine because i needed to 'progress' yes...

i cancelled the rest of my appointments with the PT i'm seeing, i'm not seeing much improvement, as the pain in my face and back are the same since i've started, though the back worse. And he doesn't really listen to me, gaslighting me how my face is unrelated and never addresses the pain nor...

Congrats!!!!

Is your T in both ears or just one?

@Higo I've had a lot of neurological symtpoms that pointed to multiple sclerosis, or trigeminal neuralgia because of the facial pain.

@Higo Yup, i meant an MRI. I already undergone 2 (for TMJ and cervical spine; i got them because i have a lot of diffuse pain throughout my body) and was fine afterwards. Although, i don't think i want to get back in again, but I worry that it could be brain related now.

horrid thought. My mom should have just fell on me. Sure, I would have been in more pain that i absolutely cannot take, but at least my mom would be fine.

my mind screams at the idea of more pain, I can't take it anymore. i just can't

my mom was trying on outfits today, which is a good sign, because she always tries on outfits, like putting on her own fashion shows, in the mornings (usually). So she's resuming activities again, but slowly, she had to stop because it worsened some symtpoms. But it's a start. She's also taking...

I'm sorry. I'd rather vent here then cry in the house right now, because i don't want to get anyone else's emotions up because my mom needs to rest. The internet is a good outlet when it needs to be!

I had a dozen wierd neuro symtpoms for months, including vertigo, bad headaches, bouts of nausea and vomiting that had nothing to do with what i ate (i'd wake up in the night or morning and want to puke), and more symptoms. But y'all know how the story goes, i was ignored, gaslight and told to...

there is a gradual improvement of her symtoms but it could take at least 2 weeks to a full month for her to make a full recovery and i desperately with all my heart want her to make a full recovery. So i'm just going to ignore any little...other...comments.

my mom said to me "i have it worse than you." I am trying to not let it upset me because i can't rn. I did not even start to compare our symptoms she just said that and I know that when people are hurt they tend to say things they don't mean, so i didn't say anything in response to that i just...

Nightmares are everpresent, of the current situation and my own. I dreamed that a tmj doc was trying to forcefully open my mouth, and that none of my body scans were accessible to the dentists.

I truly am living in a debilitating body. It's only day 2 of taking on more tasks around the house and i am in so much full body pain. I had to force myself to finish washing the dishes even when the pain started pooling in my middle and lower back and my face felt like it was being pricked...

i don't even think i would have been strong enough to hold her. but to have broken that fall. replaying in my mind on what could have been done differently. i'm useless.

i will hate myself for the rest of my life for not throwing myself down on the floor to cushion her fall. fuck fuck fuck!!!!

i can't live without my mom, i don't want to know a life without her in it.

@SumGuy She just wanted to check out on how i'm doing, how i'm liking physical therapy, though my pain is still persisting but she doesn't know why i have facail pain. It got worse yesterday actually, and then my mom suffered a head injury and had to be rushed to the hospital. She fainted then...

@ZFire I have learned that many of us here are <3 Thank you i'm trying to be :)

Happy birthday!! :D

i wonder if my PT doesn't verbally explain much to me is because he has facial pain because of his TMD. That or he simply isn't one for explaining things.

But a few things are for certain. TMD is real, and people can have this same condition but experience it differently (the same is true for other conditions and diseases.) It is a multifactorial condition that has different causes and different treatments because no two patients are the same...

Well, at least he's confident that i'll never need rotator cuff surgery lol

And even though he's not qualified, as he says, to treat TMD, he still does try to help. Not like the other doctors who shrug their shoulders and run out of the room just to do the same with the next patient in their jam packed scheduales. There have been people who said that strenghtening their...