Along the Road of Life

Early in my childhood, at the age of 11, we were living in the backcountry of North Idaho, where my parents bought 5 acres of land from my mother’s sister and her husband. My father built a family home next to my mom’s sister and their family. The two oldest children had already left home to pursue their own careers, leaving one son at home, seven years older than me.

We surely don't know what goes on behind our neighbors' doors, not until it's too late. My younger brother and I were often left at home alone while our parents worked, and our cousin was too close by. Eventually, he talked me into coming into their home, where he raped me. I know everyone will say, "Good Lord, this happened." Yes, it did, and it went on for a year. Eventually, depression and guilt set in—I felt it was my fault.

For forty-some years, I carried this burden. The road became black and distorted by shame and a loss of care about life. I went from job to job, unable to settle. Finally, my wife, who is a counselor, said it was time to let go, confront the cousin, and get that hand off my head. He was still in control. I finally did, and after his apology, my life changed.

Now, at the age of 76, and my wife now 70, after 23 years of being together, the road has taken a downhill curve. Mrs. Elmer has been down for two months with serious back problems, and our money is slowly seeping away with no real medical help. For me, it’s a whole different scenario. I had given up on dairy milk as it wasn’t doing any good. So, I switched to plant-based milk, oat milk with no sugar or added vitamins. This went on for two months, eventually causing diarrhea. I discovered that some people aren't tolerant of oat milk. So, I gave it up after researching it. Then constipation set in, and good old prune juice helped to get things going.

In the meantime, I made a doctor's appointment to see if I was having any side effects from this milk experience. The doctor recommended a colonoscopy because of the diarrhea. So I had this done on the 29th of July. Mrs. Elmer was beaten and worn from the drive and stayed in a hotel. But she knew that something wasn’t right with what I was going through. How correct she was! I fought to avoid a colonoscopy—I don’t want anything shoved up my arse, as the pedophile comes haunting me again. Finally, I accepted that this needed to be done. Under a mild sedative to make me comfortable, I could watch the whole procedure.

They removed two small polyps; the last one near the anus was rather big and seemed different from the others. The specialist started picking pieces off and putting them into a container for lab examination. After I was released, he came into a small office where we were waiting for him. He looked at my wife, and she immediately saw his concern. He explained that the polyp looked "sinister" and that he sent the samples for priority examination. "If this report comes back negative, go back to your doctor and demand another colonoscopy. They need to go deeper for pieces to examine. Do not let anyone push this aside; it's important you push back for answers. You should have a full report in two weeks as it is a bank holiday. Any questions?"

"Is it a 50/50 chance that it will be negative?" I asked.

"No, I do not do 50/50."

So we left, had a late lunch, rested, and went home the following morning. The road never has and never will lead in a straight line. Trouble down below, my friends, best have it checked, especially if you are 40 or older.

Sincerely, with love to all these wonderful tinnitus friends here. Another damn suffering curve.

Elmer Bfuddled

 

Dearest Elmer,

You are a sage, a fiend, and a brave and intelligent man with integrity, humility, and honor.

I am humbled and honored to call you a friend.

I am wishing you peace, love, and humor.

Most sincerely,
Daniel.

P.S. I have been missing you. I'm glad you showed up and shared. My words are lacking now; just sending you love, support, and peace.

 

Hey, E, long time no speak. I skipped over your post this morning before heading out. The "polyp" part caught my eye, so I wanted to reply, but I must confess to missing the first part entirely until now when I sat down with a bit more time to hand and read it properly.

Regardless of what's gone on before, it's you and Mrs. E in the here and now - that's all there is and ever will be.

Your consultant's comment regarding the 50/50 thing sounds typical droll for that profession. I won't bore you with the usual platitudes - I know it's a shitty situation that you're currently in. Just know I think about you and my old tinny mates a lot, and I'm rooting for you.

 

@UKBloke, @Daniel Lion:

Yes, I went off for a while because I let myself get involved in a thread on here with my radical views. So, I politely removed myself. It's been a real awakening of the things that life hands. Last night at 9 PM, my brother called his wife of 40 plus years, who fought with Alzheimer's, had passed away in their home. He had taken on the responsibility of caring for her. Now, I'm unable to travel due to Mrs and her serious back problems, and me waiting for further reports on my condition.

With that, I sincerely thank you for your responses,
Elmet

 

I am sorry to hear of the difficulties you are going through @Elmer B Fuddled. I hope that you will be able to get treatment if needed for your condition. I am also sorry to hear about Mrs. E and her serious back problems, and I hope they improve with time.

Take care,
Michael

 

Thanks, @Michael Leigh. I'm positive we will make it through these trying times.

Sincerely,
Elmer

 

Well, Elmer, one thing is for sure: you've done the right thing at each step of the way. Prevention is the best approach when it comes to tackling cancer, and all hope is not lost. They may have found it before it had a chance to spread.

I hope everything works out well for you and Mrs. Elmer, and that you both gain an extension on your time here on Earth.

 

Thank you.

I haven't encountered any problems so far. A good friend of mine once said, "If you're having trouble down below, you better go." I didn't really have any issues until I developed diarrhea, which prompted me to visit my doctor. After all that, the hospital cancer center informed me that, so far, everything looks good.

I'm staying positive.

Elmer

 

I will remain positive, too. I'm thinking of you, my friend.

Take care.

 

It seems we're at a similar stage in life, or not far apart. During the COVID-19 lockdown, when we were all confined to our homes, I spent a lot of time sitting and reading—something that, in hindsight, isn’t the healthiest habit. However, I also taught myself how to bake bread, which felt like quite an achievement!

Whatever the cause, I've been dealing with constipation, but I’m not fond of going to doctors and the idea of a colonoscopy makes me uneasy. I suppose I could do it under general anesthesia, though.

As for your situation, I’ve been thinking about it. We don't have the full results yet, but it’s possible that your bout of diarrhea might be unrelated to any potential tumor that could show up. If that’s the case, your episode of diarrhea might actually be a positive sign.

In any case, we're all waiting in suspense. Best of luck, and I sincerely hope that if it does turn out to be the big C, they’ve caught it in time.

 

I initially thought the diarrhea was being caused by oat milk, and in part, it was. However, after stopping the oat milk, I experienced constipation instead. I consulted my doctor, who recommended a colonoscopy. I wasn’t thrilled about the idea and wrestled with the decision, but Mrs. Elmer insisted I go, so I did once the appointment was confirmed.

In the end, the colonoscopy was painless. They gave me a mild sedative to help me relax, and the procedure only took about 20 minutes. That’s when they found the tumor. Now, I’m glad I went through with it. My first appointments for the MRI and CAT scan are scheduled for the 16th of this month. These scans will show if the cancer has spread. Afterward, I’ll undergo chemo and radiation to shrink the tumor, followed by a consultation to plan its removal.

So, if I were you—especially at our age—I wouldn’t put it off. A good friend of mine had colon cancer, and his advice was clear: if you’re having any trouble down there, you’d better go get it checked.

Elmer

 

Dear Elmer,

I'm very sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I hope your treatment goes well and that you'll quickly beat this condition into submission.

I admire the strength and level-headedness that you display throughout all that has happened to you. You inspire me to keep facing everything head-on as well.

I am wishing you a speedy recovery.

 

Whatever happens and however it goes, E, you'll get through it x

 

Where have you been, my brother? I haven't seen you for a while.

Thanks @Fields.

If we don't stay positive, even with the damn tinnitus, then those problems will defeat us. I've had days of screaming tinnitus, but instead of letting it get me down to the point of hiding from the world, I head to the workshop, put on ear protection, and work on some project. Now, with the cancer and the process of dealing with it, I'm looking at this all the way through to December. So, I have to remain as positive as possible.

 

I drop by every couple of days or so to keep up with the research threads, etc, but for the most part, I try and get on with life. You know how it goes, E. Did you ever complete that log cabin, or is the project on hold for now?

 

The guy went bankrupt after giving the ex two houses and most of his money, so it's just sitting. Sad.

 

A shot in the dark, Elmor, but I'll be looking for accommodation by the end of the year. How much is he asking for it?

Is the location in Co. Wicklow—am I correct?

You’ll understand that now that the students are back, anything resembling four walls and a roof is in high demand.

 

Unfortunately, the cabin never really got off the ground. Only the sill logs have been laid out and bolted down. Sorry to say it.

Elmer