Hey all. Sorry I haven't been on here much but I'm trying to make my T a non issue in my life and being on here to much was getting in the way.
So it's been a little over 2 months since my random dog whistle sound appeared and I think I'm coping well. The massive panic I initially felt has gone and most days I don't have too much anxiety about the T. I don't think the volume has changed but overall it feels less intrusive. I still have bad days. Today is the worst I've had in a few weeks. But even a bad day now is better than a good day a month ago. I'm starting to habituate as well. Most days I can be guaranteed to not hear it for at least a few hours. On good days I may not hear it much at all. On bad days I don't get a break.
I stopped my benzo a month ago and now only take it on the real bad days which is averaging once every 10 days or so. I'm still on the wellbutrin and after a lot of side effects (including 2 days of bat-shit crazy panic) it leveled out. It actually increases my anxiety a bit but it has tremendously increased my resilience and keeps me positive. Even if the T vanishes I'll be staying on the wellbutrin as I really like it. I no longer need anything to help me sleep and I'm back to sleeping through the night again most nights. I've also got my appetite back and no more constant, sick stomach.
The weirdest thing though is that any outsider looking at my life would think things are going great and taken a good turn. Since the onset I've lost over 30lbs, started a new exercise program, started cooking again, stay much more active and busy, and have actually increased how social we are. I made the decision to not let T change the quality of my life. Most days that's living more on faith than truth but I'm trying. I also have tried hard to stop monitoring my T and instead monitor my response to it. That's a damn hard thing to do but I'm ever so slowly getting there.
From this post it kinda sounds like everything is great but that's not entirely true. It is still a struggle. Life is still harder and different than before it started. I still get scared, panicky and sad on bad days and occasionally mad as hell when it's intrusive and won't shut up. But things are better. And I think that slowly they will continue to improve.
As a side note, my parents came up a week ago and I was asking my Dad about how loud his T is. He said his is loud enough that now he only hears about 60-70% of what people say and has decided to start looking into hearing aids. It actually is loud enough to block that much of his hearing. But, he's habituated to it and said unless he's having a hard time hearing over it or his sinuses are acting up he doesn't actively hear it unless he tries. I was shocked that someone could habituate to multiple tones that loud (his is a buzz, a hiss and mostly cicada-like noise) and it gives me a lot of hope.
So it's been a little over 2 months since my random dog whistle sound appeared and I think I'm coping well. The massive panic I initially felt has gone and most days I don't have too much anxiety about the T. I don't think the volume has changed but overall it feels less intrusive. I still have bad days. Today is the worst I've had in a few weeks. But even a bad day now is better than a good day a month ago. I'm starting to habituate as well. Most days I can be guaranteed to not hear it for at least a few hours. On good days I may not hear it much at all. On bad days I don't get a break.
I stopped my benzo a month ago and now only take it on the real bad days which is averaging once every 10 days or so. I'm still on the wellbutrin and after a lot of side effects (including 2 days of bat-shit crazy panic) it leveled out. It actually increases my anxiety a bit but it has tremendously increased my resilience and keeps me positive. Even if the T vanishes I'll be staying on the wellbutrin as I really like it. I no longer need anything to help me sleep and I'm back to sleeping through the night again most nights. I've also got my appetite back and no more constant, sick stomach.
The weirdest thing though is that any outsider looking at my life would think things are going great and taken a good turn. Since the onset I've lost over 30lbs, started a new exercise program, started cooking again, stay much more active and busy, and have actually increased how social we are. I made the decision to not let T change the quality of my life. Most days that's living more on faith than truth but I'm trying. I also have tried hard to stop monitoring my T and instead monitor my response to it. That's a damn hard thing to do but I'm ever so slowly getting there.
From this post it kinda sounds like everything is great but that's not entirely true. It is still a struggle. Life is still harder and different than before it started. I still get scared, panicky and sad on bad days and occasionally mad as hell when it's intrusive and won't shut up. But things are better. And I think that slowly they will continue to improve.
As a side note, my parents came up a week ago and I was asking my Dad about how loud his T is. He said his is loud enough that now he only hears about 60-70% of what people say and has decided to start looking into hearing aids. It actually is loud enough to block that much of his hearing. But, he's habituated to it and said unless he's having a hard time hearing over it or his sinuses are acting up he doesn't actively hear it unless he tries. I was shocked that someone could habituate to multiple tones that loud (his is a buzz, a hiss and mostly cicada-like noise) and it gives me a lot of hope.