Hello everyone,
First off thank you if you choose to read and respond to this. I have been going through the mental wringer and I need more people's thoughts to help me get through this here.
Let me start from the top. I am 22 and I have been going to 3-6 rock concerts a year basically since 2017, usually in the summer. I never wore earplugs and never had a problem. Fast forward to last summer, I finally had a problem. After this particular concert, I woke up and my left ear was not back to normal yet. Usually by the next morning, my ear had both returned to normal but obviously this was not the case. There was no ringing or pain, just that there was a bit of pressure and my ear felt a tiny bit muffled. After about 20 hours from the concert it returned to normal and I thought nothing of it.
From the first incident I went to two more concerts and was fine as usual. I attributed the first issue as a one-time thing due to potentially being a bit too close to the speakers. The third show after is where things began to go down hill.
This second incident occurred in a completely indoor venue that was quite small about 9 months later. It was easily the loudest concert I had been to and the next morning I had similar issues again in my left ear only: pressure in the ear, slightly muffled, no ringing still. This then lasted two more days. Causing me to worry, I was able to get a hearing test done about two and a half days after the concert. Luckily for me, the hearing test came back with great results and funny enough my ear felt better immediately after the appointment. They recommended wearing ear plugs in the future (which makes sense) and I intended to do so. This should never happen again...
Fast-forward to the third and most recent incident. This occurred 3 and a half weeks ago and about a month and a half after the second incident. This was an outdoor venue and I intended to wear earplugs as stated. I purchased a quality pair that will lessen the sound intensity but not sacrifice the experience so I was pumped to give them a try! Unfortunately for me, they were forgotten. I did not think of stopping at a drug store to pick up some earplugs, and when I saw a concert goer ahead of me in line with a bag of them, I did not work up the courage to ask if he could spare a pair for me. I went into the show worried, but my companion reassured me that I should be alright since we were not close to the speakers, it was outdoors, and once things got going it was not remotely close to being the loudest concert I have ever been to. We left the concert with my ear feeling like it usually did after a concert and went to bed expecting things to become better in the morning. This was not the case...
After a day, really intense pressure manifested into my ear, slightly muffled hearing, but again no ringing. I had a small spat of ringing twice for a few seconds, but nothing constant and it went away. After things did not improve after 4 full days, I went and saw an audiologist and again got a really good hearing test back in both ears. All of my data was at 5 dB or lower so there is no signs of hearing loss. After 9 and 10 days, I was able to see a pair of ENTs which said much of the same and that things should rebound to normal levels. Their evaluation, coupled with my hearing test, had them determined I should make a full recovery. I just need to give it time (this phrase is beginning to be my least favorite phrase in the world).
It has been 3 and a half weeks since the concert now and I am still recovering. On this timeline, my mental health has plummeted. About 12 days after the concert, I had a legitimate mental breakdown over my left ear still having major pressure in it, causing me to become super regretful for forgetting earplugs and not putting in any effort to get some before the concert that caused this. Luckily, the next day the pressure feeling basically faded away. After another week, my hearing seemed to regain a bit of sensitivity. It seems it keeps noticeably improving about every week or so.
One thing I have noticed about myself is I really hyper-fixate on this change due to hearing is probably my favorite of the 5 senses. At the end of the day, I love music. I can't listen to music the same, or anything for that matter due to my right ear seemingly absorbing everything while it feels like my left isn't. When I plug one ear up and listen through just the other, my left is slightly less than my right, but there is still good hearing in both. I do not heard mumbling, I can hear fine in noisy environments, ect. At this moment in time, if my right ear is 100%, my left is sitting at about 97%. The hearing itself is good, but the really noticeable difference is my right ear seems to pick up the crispness of sound (as one of the ENTs used to describe it) or there is slightly better HD quality if that makes sense. Unless my left is slightly positioned more towards the sounds being heard, my right ear will perceive hearing it better. This is not very noticeable in small group conversations, but much more so when there is sound coming from a device. This is making me think things are worse than they are potentially.
Also, since I have been more focused on my left ear, I have noticed if I lay on a pillow on that side, I can notice a bit of static in my left ear which I think has been there but I never noticed once until this incident due to how low level it is. It has increased my anxiety a lot. Also, sometimes my left ear will itch a little inside and the pressure will come back slightly for a day and then leave again. No real pain, just annoyances from time to time. Half the time it just feels like things need to pop in there.
With that being said, I still worry that this is going to be permanent, despite every sign pointing towards otherwise. I have had 2 ENTs and an Audiologist say I will recover, and recontacting an ENT and the Audiologist in the past 2 weeks for reassurance and receiving the same good news. A combination of reading things online that are way too general and there being no exact timetable for this to wrap up is killing me. I am just afraid my left will never recover that "pop" or "crispness" and I will forever perceive my right as much stronger. Other people I have came to about this issue keep saying to give it time, distract yourself, it's just allergies, etc. but since this is something I experience every second I am conscious, it is extremely difficult to do so. I have began exercising again, taking vitamins, decongestants, allergy nasal spray, and reducing noise exposure with the hope my left ear would correct itself by now. But it hasn't. Again, it keeps making me think this is never going away despite the gradual improvement.
It is also difficult to cope with the guilt because this could have been avoided but now I just was to coup myself in my room most of the day, lay on my left ear to protect it, watch YouTube, and think about how I could have stopped this. I am fatigued from waiting and uncertainty. I want to stop isolating myself and return to normal life. I know I will break out of my funk once my ear returns to basically normal. It also hurts my significant other can't really help me.
I guess the point of this exhaustingly long article is what advice could any of you give?
Thank you if you got this far and thank you if you leave a comment.
First off thank you if you choose to read and respond to this. I have been going through the mental wringer and I need more people's thoughts to help me get through this here.
Let me start from the top. I am 22 and I have been going to 3-6 rock concerts a year basically since 2017, usually in the summer. I never wore earplugs and never had a problem. Fast forward to last summer, I finally had a problem. After this particular concert, I woke up and my left ear was not back to normal yet. Usually by the next morning, my ear had both returned to normal but obviously this was not the case. There was no ringing or pain, just that there was a bit of pressure and my ear felt a tiny bit muffled. After about 20 hours from the concert it returned to normal and I thought nothing of it.
From the first incident I went to two more concerts and was fine as usual. I attributed the first issue as a one-time thing due to potentially being a bit too close to the speakers. The third show after is where things began to go down hill.
This second incident occurred in a completely indoor venue that was quite small about 9 months later. It was easily the loudest concert I had been to and the next morning I had similar issues again in my left ear only: pressure in the ear, slightly muffled, no ringing still. This then lasted two more days. Causing me to worry, I was able to get a hearing test done about two and a half days after the concert. Luckily for me, the hearing test came back with great results and funny enough my ear felt better immediately after the appointment. They recommended wearing ear plugs in the future (which makes sense) and I intended to do so. This should never happen again...
Fast-forward to the third and most recent incident. This occurred 3 and a half weeks ago and about a month and a half after the second incident. This was an outdoor venue and I intended to wear earplugs as stated. I purchased a quality pair that will lessen the sound intensity but not sacrifice the experience so I was pumped to give them a try! Unfortunately for me, they were forgotten. I did not think of stopping at a drug store to pick up some earplugs, and when I saw a concert goer ahead of me in line with a bag of them, I did not work up the courage to ask if he could spare a pair for me. I went into the show worried, but my companion reassured me that I should be alright since we were not close to the speakers, it was outdoors, and once things got going it was not remotely close to being the loudest concert I have ever been to. We left the concert with my ear feeling like it usually did after a concert and went to bed expecting things to become better in the morning. This was not the case...
After a day, really intense pressure manifested into my ear, slightly muffled hearing, but again no ringing. I had a small spat of ringing twice for a few seconds, but nothing constant and it went away. After things did not improve after 4 full days, I went and saw an audiologist and again got a really good hearing test back in both ears. All of my data was at 5 dB or lower so there is no signs of hearing loss. After 9 and 10 days, I was able to see a pair of ENTs which said much of the same and that things should rebound to normal levels. Their evaluation, coupled with my hearing test, had them determined I should make a full recovery. I just need to give it time (this phrase is beginning to be my least favorite phrase in the world).
It has been 3 and a half weeks since the concert now and I am still recovering. On this timeline, my mental health has plummeted. About 12 days after the concert, I had a legitimate mental breakdown over my left ear still having major pressure in it, causing me to become super regretful for forgetting earplugs and not putting in any effort to get some before the concert that caused this. Luckily, the next day the pressure feeling basically faded away. After another week, my hearing seemed to regain a bit of sensitivity. It seems it keeps noticeably improving about every week or so.
One thing I have noticed about myself is I really hyper-fixate on this change due to hearing is probably my favorite of the 5 senses. At the end of the day, I love music. I can't listen to music the same, or anything for that matter due to my right ear seemingly absorbing everything while it feels like my left isn't. When I plug one ear up and listen through just the other, my left is slightly less than my right, but there is still good hearing in both. I do not heard mumbling, I can hear fine in noisy environments, ect. At this moment in time, if my right ear is 100%, my left is sitting at about 97%. The hearing itself is good, but the really noticeable difference is my right ear seems to pick up the crispness of sound (as one of the ENTs used to describe it) or there is slightly better HD quality if that makes sense. Unless my left is slightly positioned more towards the sounds being heard, my right ear will perceive hearing it better. This is not very noticeable in small group conversations, but much more so when there is sound coming from a device. This is making me think things are worse than they are potentially.
Also, since I have been more focused on my left ear, I have noticed if I lay on a pillow on that side, I can notice a bit of static in my left ear which I think has been there but I never noticed once until this incident due to how low level it is. It has increased my anxiety a lot. Also, sometimes my left ear will itch a little inside and the pressure will come back slightly for a day and then leave again. No real pain, just annoyances from time to time. Half the time it just feels like things need to pop in there.
With that being said, I still worry that this is going to be permanent, despite every sign pointing towards otherwise. I have had 2 ENTs and an Audiologist say I will recover, and recontacting an ENT and the Audiologist in the past 2 weeks for reassurance and receiving the same good news. A combination of reading things online that are way too general and there being no exact timetable for this to wrap up is killing me. I am just afraid my left will never recover that "pop" or "crispness" and I will forever perceive my right as much stronger. Other people I have came to about this issue keep saying to give it time, distract yourself, it's just allergies, etc. but since this is something I experience every second I am conscious, it is extremely difficult to do so. I have began exercising again, taking vitamins, decongestants, allergy nasal spray, and reducing noise exposure with the hope my left ear would correct itself by now. But it hasn't. Again, it keeps making me think this is never going away despite the gradual improvement.
It is also difficult to cope with the guilt because this could have been avoided but now I just was to coup myself in my room most of the day, lay on my left ear to protect it, watch YouTube, and think about how I could have stopped this. I am fatigued from waiting and uncertainty. I want to stop isolating myself and return to normal life. I know I will break out of my funk once my ear returns to basically normal. It also hurts my significant other can't really help me.
I guess the point of this exhaustingly long article is what advice could any of you give?
- Do you think this will this go away?
- What coping mechanisms could I use in the meantime?
- Am I possibly blowing it up more than I should?
- Should I forgive myself?
- Am I crazy?
- Are there any other avenues I could use to help myself out with this?
Thank you if you got this far and thank you if you leave a comment.
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