Dating with Tinnitus

A

Abby

Member
Author
Mar 12, 2016
39
Tinnitus Since
11/2015
Cause of Tinnitus
Ototoxic
#1
So I've had tinnitus for over 2 years now. Got it when I was 33. Now 35. It was improving in the first year and then had to take doxycycline and things went down from there. Just found out I have to take doxycycline again and dreading it so much.

Back to the main issue though, how have the single people dealt with dating since you got tinnitus?

I am having such a difficult time as most guys stop talking to me when I tell them about my ears and my friends are saying I have become boring because I don't drink or go to loud places anymore.

I know, you are gonna say they suck but also we live in a very loud world and to ask people to make changes for you is a lot to ask I feel.

My own family get annoyed with me sometimes because I'm always asking them to turn down the tv and not play music in the car. I've tried to not let this get to me but it's affecting my life so much and I feel I'm gonna end up alone all my life.

I gave up on dating for the time being as it was making me feel even worse but I'd like to think that someday I'll meet a guy who won't mind the quiet and won't get frustrated with me eventually.

I did meet someone once with tinnitus and I thought perfect but he still liked to party and his tinnitus wasn't affected as much as mine. I don't know what to think anymore.
 
#4
Abby said:
So I've had tinnitus for over 2 years now. Got it when I was 33. Now 35. It was improving in the first year and then had to take doxycycline and things went down from there. Just found out I have to take doxycycline again and dreading it so much.

Back to the main issue though, how have the single people dealt with dating since you got tinnitus?

I am having such a difficult time as most guys stop talking to me when I tell them about my ears and my friends are saying I have become boring because I don't drink or go to loud places anymore.

I know, you are gonna say they suck but also we live in a very loud world and to ask people to make changes for you is a lot to ask I feel.

My own family get annoyed with me sometimes because I'm always asking them to turn down the tv and not play music in the car. I've tried to not let this get to me but it's affecting my life so much and I feel I'm gonna end up alone all my life.

I gave up on dating for the time being as it was making me feel even worse but I'd like to think that someday I'll meet a guy who won't mind the quiet and won't get frustrated with me eventually.

I did meet someone once with tinnitus and I thought perfect but he still liked to party and his tinnitus wasn't affected as much as mine. I don't know what to think anymore.
Click to expand...

I often think about it, and for now i think that the only option is to find someone that is also affected by Tinnitus or other condition that is not easy to handle. That kind of people, like us will understand everything. For healthy person it's gonna be hard or even impossible.
 
#5
I just started dating someone before my tinnitus increased significantly.. I am really lucky that she hasn't gotten tired of all my complaining and inability to do so many basic things like even go on a simple date to a restaurant

If you are meeting people though online dating I would put it in your profile that you have very sensitive ears and your ideal match would be ok with only going to quiet places. You don't have to be that up front but it will filter out some people. I'm sure there are plenty of guys who don't want to party and go out and do loud things.
 
#7
Dating is a challenge. I went on a date 2 months ago, with this extremely HOT gal. My ex-fiance was a stunner and i was with her for 7 years. I had tinnitus back then as well, but it wasn't as loud as it is now and my hearing was a little bit better too.

If the woman is very sexy and the guy is an alpha male.....then it can be kinda hard to please them. I am guilty of this myself. I am a dedicated athlete and I am very picky in who I choose. I was like this when I was younger and still kinda like this. It's really about choosing that guy/gal that has a good heart and that genuinely cares. It will take lots of efforts to make the dating thing work....especially for those with ringing ears.

In the end, we simply give our best and make that effort. If it works out, great...If not that's ok too :)
 
#9
Try using dating4disabled.com. It is full of people who also have health conditions that you will have to overlook. Alternatively, go for men with less attractive faces that few other women go for. I am sure those men will not be as turned off when they find out that you "have issues".
 
#10
Abby said:
So I've had tinnitus for over 2 years now. Got it when I was 33. Now 35. It was improving in the first year and then had to take doxycycline and things went down from there. Just found out I have to take doxycycline again and dreading it so much.

Back to the main issue though, how have the single people dealt with dating since you got tinnitus?

I am having such a difficult time as most guys stop talking to me when I tell them about my ears and my friends are saying I have become boring because I don't drink or go to loud places anymore.

I know, you are gonna say they suck but also we live in a very loud world and to ask people to make changes for you is a lot to ask I feel.

My own family get annoyed with me sometimes because I'm always asking them to turn down the tv and not play music in the car. I've tried to not let this get to me but it's affecting my life so much and I feel I'm gonna end up alone all my life.

I gave up on dating for the time being as it was making me feel even worse but I'd like to think that someday I'll meet a guy who won't mind the quiet and won't get frustrated with me eventually.

I did meet someone once with tinnitus and I thought perfect but he still liked to party and his tinnitus wasn't affected as much as mine. I don't know what to think anymore.
Click to expand...

relationships require compromise anyway

id rather be alone than to have to live with trashed ears from pleasing others. i dont agree with you. i think healthy relationships need compromise and mutual understanding. it is not an unreasonable request that your friends find quieter things for you to do together. besides, you may be doing them a favour.
 
#11
It seems more than a few on this website have become disenchanted with dating. It is true that I was already in a relationship prior to getting tinnitus and chronic pain. However, my partner has been nothing but helpful and supportive in helping me cope. He is often willing to do the things that I struggle to do. He has adjusted volumes for me, taken to sleeping with white noise on for me, gone into the store when it has been loud for me, has been willing to speak up for me, vacuum for me, and likely more examples than what I can remember right now.

It is simply unrealistic to think that people shouldn't change their behaviors to accommodate for you. While I understand the modesty behind this (you do not want to inconvenience others for your sake), keep in mind that you may have to do the same for someone else. There are a lot of illnesses and chronic conditions besides tinnitus. What will you deal if you find someone who is happy and healthy but years down the road and they are also afflicted with something? If we really have a love for someone then we will make these kinds of sacrifices.

I have posted some suggestions in a different thread but it may help to pick up some new hobbies? Particularly of the kind that are more popular with introverts. And, for example if one is to go on a date, do not simply say no but suggest a quieter alternative.
 
#12
Abby said:
So I've had tinnitus for over 2 years now. Got it when I was 33. Now 35. It was improving in the first year and then had to take doxycycline and things went down from there. Just found out I have to take doxycycline again and dreading it so much.

Back to the main issue though, how have the single people dealt with dating since you got tinnitus?

I am having such a difficult time as most guys stop talking to me when I tell them about my ears and my friends are saying I have become boring because I don't drink or go to loud places anymore.

I know, you are gonna say they suck but also we live in a very loud world and to ask people to make changes for you is a lot to ask I feel.

My own family get annoyed with me sometimes because I'm always asking them to turn down the tv and not play music in the car. I've tried to not let this get to me but it's affecting my life so much and I feel I'm gonna end up alone all my life.

I gave up on dating for the time being as it was making me feel even worse but I'd like to think that someday I'll meet a guy who won't mind the quiet and won't get frustrated with me eventually.

I did meet someone once with tinnitus and I thought perfect but he still liked to party and his tinnitus wasn't affected as much as mine. I don't know what to think anymore.
Click to expand...

Just find someone that doesn't like going out to bars and clubs, I've encountered plenty on the dating websites I use. For dates, instead of going out to the movie theater or a concert, suggest a picnic at the park or going on a hike. If they play loud music or television just explain to them that you have really sensitive ears. Don't let T prevent you from finding your soul mate, sure you can't do ALL the things you used to like doing but dating shouldn't be one of them.
 
#13
Well for the past few years that I had T I was in major distress. And I even think today that I should quit dating because life is already a big mess. But during dating I am not constantly focussed on my T.

The biggest question is: when do you mention that you have a serious condition like tinnitus (and sensitive ears)?
I also have chronic pain and vertigo attacks. Plus eye pain and other stuff. I really worries me but I rather stay alone all my life then finding someone who cannot deal with it.

Eventually nobody should be naïve and think that nothing will happen in life, because it will.

I thought about disability datingsites and still enjoy my time on regular datingsites. It's hard. It's extremely hard to not go with dates to concerts or festivals or other loud things. But in the end: it's your own sanity and health that matters.

And luckily I found some dates that don't like bars / clubbing too. That already helps. The rest is a bit of adaptability and it also helps that they really like you the way you are. As soon as you get past that bridge things get better. But still unsure if I'm ready for a relationship as I need a lot of recovery time and me-time to handle and cope with T. Sometimes my dates don't understand that because they like attention and confirmation but that's too bad. If you give more than you should then you get more stress which is more T (and possibly also other health problems). So keep it calm and on your tempo. If the date doesn't like it, then he/she isn't probably going to last. It's hard but it's the only way. Pleasing someone doesn't help for T in the end. Explain what it is.

I thought about the route of friendships over relationships and that is fine for me also.
 
#14
I just wear ear plugs if i am out I don't think dating has any impact on this unless you have notable hearing loss in the speech frequncies

Sometimes I don't want to hear her talking anyway so it works fine as long as it ends in bed

Most women are fine with this
 
#15
Also for dating - I did invest in a big very quiet sedan car so dating , drinking and conversation happens inside the car so need for plugs
 
#16
Well lol screw those guys. Look if they can't accept and under your situation then they aren't worth your time. It's hard yeah, most people aren't willing but there are some people who are. Just gotta find em.

And for that guy who parties with T. If it was noise induced... he will regret it one day.
 
#17
Thanks for your replies.

Unfortunately I live in a country that is all about nightlife and loud music. Even the malls play music. Life here revolves around music. Most singles come to live here because of that lifestyle. The summers reach a scorching 45 degrees celcius. So only option is indoors. I've had to turn down so many invites because it was at a restaurant that blasts very loud music. It's all about being seen and social status. And I am losing friendships because of it. I have also gained true friendships from the people that have been amazing and so understanding of my situation.

Also I don't tell the guys about my ears till later. And if they aren't bothered by my ears, they get bothered that I'm not a gym freak or into sports. They are quite superficial here where I live. I had a disc hernia 4 years ago and I haven't been able to workout since then. I have a decent figure and I am told I am pretty and attractive by many guys. But it just isn't working out.
 
Last edited:
#18
Red said:
It seems more than a few on this website have become disenchanted with dating. It is true that I was already in a relationship prior to getting tinnitus and chronic pain. However, my partner has been nothing but helpful and supportive in helping me cope. He is often willing to do the things that I struggle to do. He has adjusted volumes for me, taken to sleeping with white noise on for me, gone into the store when it has been loud for me, has been willing to speak up for me, vacuum for me, and likely more examples than what I can remember right now.

It is simply unrealistic to think that people shouldn't change their behaviors to accommodate for you. While I understand the modesty behind this (you do not want to inconvenience others for your sake), keep in mind that you may have to do the same for someone else. There are a lot of illnesses and chronic conditions besides tinnitus. What will you deal if you find someone who is happy and healthy but years down the road and they are also afflicted with something? If we really have a love for someone then we will make these kinds of sacrifices.

I have posted some suggestions in a different thread but it may help to pick up some new hobbies? Particularly of the kind that are more popular with introverts. And, for example if one is to go on a date, do not simply say no but suggest a quieter alternative.
Click to expand...

Your post gives me hope. And your words are very true. I hope one day I find a love like yours. Men like your man are very rare to come by where I live. There are many single girls without tinnitus in their 30's like me struggling to find good guys here in Dubai. I still have hope though :)
 
Last edited:
#23
DebInAustralia said:
relationships require compromise anyway

id rather be alone than to have to live with trashed ears from pleasing others. i dont agree with you. i think healthy relationships need compromise and mutual understanding. it is not an unreasonable request that your friends find quieter things for you to do together. besides, you may be doing them a favour.
Click to expand...
easier said than done, not going to make 10 ppl change plans to accommodate me especially if they are looking forward to trying out a new place. They wouldn't want to anyways. I go out to less noisy places with much smaller crowds or one on one.
 
#24
Bill Bauer said:
Try using dating4disabled.com. It is full of people who also have health conditions that you will have to overlook. Alternatively, go for men with less attractive faces that few other women go for. I am sure those men will not be as turned off when they find out that you "have issues".
Click to expand...
looks are not a priority for me. I think men are more focused on looks than women. Even the ugliest men are sometimes so superficial. But I think this is the mentality of the people where I live.
 
#25
Snake said:
I often think about it, and for now i think that the only option is to find someone that is also affected by Tinnitus or other condition that is not easy to handle. That kind of people, like us will understand everything. For healthy person it's gonna be hard or even impossible.
Click to expand...
You'd have to both have a positive outlook on your tinnitus otherwise 2 depressed ppl with tinnitus isn't going to work out. Before tinnitus I was in a relationship with someone who was always so negative, he ended up bringing me down with him and I ended up with depression. Took me a long time to get out of it and then got tinnitus. It's a struggle to stay positive but I definitely feel much better than when I was with him.
 
#29
Abby said:
easier said than done, not going to make 10 ppl change plans to accommodate me especially if they are looking forward to trying out a new place. They wouldn't want to anyways. I go out to less noisy places with much smaller crowds or one on one.
Click to expand...

It is easy. You have damaged your ears. Why would you want to add injury to insult just to please others?
Real friends will take your needs and feelings into consideration. I discovered who my real friends are through illness. If your so called friends cant see beyond their own needs, then personally I would be questioning if they are worth your time.

All I am saying is don't let others pressure you into exposing your ears to unreasonable volumes of noise just to appease them. It is not worth it. There are heaps of things you can take part in that aren't going to hurt you. Not everyone likes noisy environments. I never liked loud venues long before my t and h.

You could use a sound decibel app, but with damaged ears, has it ever been accurately established what a safe volume of noise actually is? Carry quality ear protection too.
 
#30
Bobby B said:
I just wear ear plugs if i am out I don't think dating has any impact on this unless you have notable hearing loss in the speech frequncies

Sometimes I don't want to hear her talking anyway so it works fine as long as it ends in bed

Most women are fine with this
Click to expand...

Range of Frequencies for the Normal. Speaking Human Voice. Males: 70-200 Hz. Females: 140-400.
The most important sounds we hear every day are in the 250 to 6,000 Hz range.
Click to expand...
 

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