Final Mistake: Walking by Busy Road and Attending Friend's Stag Do — Now Louder Ringing and New Tone

[Elfin]

Hi all,

I made a huge error of judgement on Saturday and I am now sinking into the depths that the consequences of this mistake are wringing upon me.

I went to a friend's stag do. He was an usher at my wedding and I am going to be at his, so I felt a sense of 'obligation'. I also missed the 'heavier' stag night out in Manchester. Saturday's was a pub, meal out and then another pub.

Issues happened around the walk along a busy road from the pub to the steakhouse. In that environment, I would usually be double protecting, but on this instance I only had in earplugs (ERs). I haven't been exposed to road noise in that proximity for at least 2 years without double protection. The 5 minute walk was awful and inescapable. Cars were going by at around 30-40mph. I tried also placing my fingers over the earplugs.

We also initially met outside the pub in the beer garden which backed onto the road and were there for 20-30 minutes. I had in plugs but there were a few larger lorries that went by that seemed loud. The pub itself had music but I avoided the speakers and only went near them when visiting the toilet. The restaurant had momentary peaks of noise, but was mostly conversational.

I now have a larger baseline ringing and a pure 'whistling' tone which pierces everything.

I was in a reasonably good place prior to this and now feel back at square one: hating myself, constantly monitoring the noise, feeling trapped and wishing I was dead. I can't sleep and barely eat.

I am just praying that this relents, or else I am considering ending things. I know it's extreme, but I can't cope with this additional noise, so in some ways it seems rational.

Thanks for listening. Any support welcome. I know I've been an idiot.

 

[HeavyMantra]

Sounds like a spike, it will probably subside. The level of noise you're describing doesn't seem like it would do any permanent harm.

 

[Farah]

Hi Elfin,

First of all, you weren't an idiot. Tinnitus sucks and we're all trying our best to protect our ears but we're also human and want to enjoy our lives. Whether that's meeting friends for dinner or going to a bar for drinks or seeing a movie, I don't think we should give all of those things up because of T. I've done them and I'm sure many others have too.
Plus, you had plugs in so it's not like you went out with zero protection. Please don't beat yourself up. Are you absolutely 100% sure that your T has worsened or is it stress? I've had my T seem like it has worsened due to stress, happens all the time. If it's a spike I'm sure it will go back to baseline within a few days, mine always has. Just be sure to protect your ears for the next few days and maybe take some magnesium, I find that always helps

 

[Jack Straw]

@Elfin after reading a lot of your threads I feel that you are over protecting and lowering your auditory threshold. Richard Tyler talks about this in our interview where over protection can make safe sounds troublesome.

Richard also mentioned to me off the recording that at 60-70 dB (talking level) there is no need for protection and this is safe.

There is a difference between protecting your hearing and over protecting and lowering your auditory threshold and making hyperacusis and tinnitus worse.

I believe you have a spike, but I feel it is from you over protecting your ears. Wearing ear plugs should have been more than enough in that situation. Double protection would have been overkill.

I hope you get your over protection addressed and treated because it isn't helping.

 

[Ross McLauchlan]

Hey @Elfin

I was in the exact same situation at the start of May from a Stag Doo (I was out in pubs from about 12 till 9 or so). I had a spike and the usual range of emotions, I.e. feeling like I couldn't do this anymore, regret, etc. I was also to be a groomsman at the wedding for the stag, but could see it far enough due to the tinnitus, despite wanting to be involved.

Anyway, I kept busy and a week or so after the Stag Doo, the spike passed. The wedding was at the end of May and it was a great day. I left before the night event started around 7/8pm. Zero spikes since then. Funnily enough, the groom has bad tinnitus too but hasn't changed his lifestyle at all in the 2 years since he got it. Works for some and not for others - unfortunately mines is prone to spikes from sound!!

In terms of over protection, I never wear ear plugs unless I'm in a loud place (pub, gym, wedding). I have no issues with everyday sounds. The roads/cars you mentioned don't spike my ears, so perhaps your over protection could be an issue; however, I can see how this may be hard to over come - but being in normal environments has helped me massively. I had a lot of spikes along the way but am in a much better place (though still bothersome enough to be writing in this forum).

My point is, I've been there, it sucks but it can get better again. Don't beat yourself up, give yourself a few months to recover. Neuromod may even help at some point, who knows.

Take care,

Ross.

 

[Bill Bauer]

Richard also mentioned to me off the recording that at 60-70 dB (talking level) there is no need for protection and this is safe.

Since my night out involving 15 mins of exposure to loud music with protection, after 3 years since the onset, living an ok life I'm back to square one.

...

Anyhow one month later:
Been off work
Been to A&E, mental health team - 6 hours
Crying non stop (broke down in front of loads of people)
Not slept due to crazy sounds
Back to sleeping
Tinnitus still crazy high hear it everywhere even after sleeping again. Today it's like a drill.

How many people need to get hurt before Richard will take note and adjust his advice accordingly? I also love it how you are pasting this theory underneath the actual experiences that debunk the theory.

 

[Bill Bauer]

Funnily enough, the groom has bad tinnitus too but hasn't changed his lifestyle at all in the 2 years since he got it.

I wonder why he still has bad tinnitus. We might Never know..

 

[Candy]

@Bill Bauer

Please stop quoting me.

 

[Bill Bauer]

Please stop quoting me.

I will stop quoting you.

May I ask why? Don't you want people to learn from your mistake? When you made your original post, you wanted people to read it. When I quote that post, more people end up reading it. What's the problem?

 

[Ross McLauchlan]

I wonder why he still has bad tinnitus. We might Never know..

How's silence treating you, Bill?

 

[Candy]

Bill (nothing personal) but I don't want to keep getting alerts and relive my horrible ordeal - the only mistake I made was seeking encouragement on this forum.

Whatever happened I am not a statistic, I have two young kids to feed. Stress possibly caused the spike, going against the "don't leave the house" mantra.

The nocebo effect. I was doomed to fail that day.

Who knows, maybe I totally messed up.

I care about this community, have volunteered and donated but there is a certain caring fatigue that sometimes permeates it now.

Got a few lukewarm responses to my initial mail and that was all, but what I needed was compassion which is what guides my every interaction, I hope. Understanding from my fellow sufferers as I have no one else in the real world who gets this.

I hope you understand.

 

[Bill Bauer]

How's silence treating you, Bill?

If it wasn't working out for me, I wouldn't be advising it to people. I won't go into any detail regarding my tinnitus, but I will say that despite my "overprotection", my hyperacusis is now completely gone. Also, the absence of loud noises is not really silence.

Bill (nothing personal) but I don't want to keep getting alerts and relive my horrible ordeal - the only mistake I made was seeking encouragement on this forum.

Thank you for the clarification.

I am not trying to pressure you. [I can completely relate to how you must be feeling as of course I've made countless mistakes (e.g., my tinnitus is a result of a giant mistake) myself.] If instead of pasting a quote, I paste a link to your post you won't be getting any notifications. If you are ok with me doing that, please let me know.

what I needed was compassion

Many people were probably like me - I felt horrible about what had happened to you, but wasn't sure what I could write to make you feel better.

Understanding from my fellow sufferers as I have no one else in the real world who gets this.

It took me half a year to forgive myself for giving tinnitus to myself. Eventually the memory stopped causing me to have a strong emotional response. I understand what you must be going through.

 

[Ross McLauchlan]

@Bill Bauer

You offer an opinion on many people's experiences here (even my friend's, as you pointed out above, with very little context as to what caused his tinnitus or if it spikes, etc). Yet, you do so without offering any insight into what impact your experience/strategies have made to your tinnitus.

You should go into detail regarding your own tinnitus. This is a support forum and, in my opinion, your own personal experience is more practical than quoting the experiences of others.

That's your call though and I respect your privacy; however, it may be of more help to those in your or similar situations.

As usual, this kind of tangent detracts from a real person, who is having a really hard time at the moment. @Elfin I hope you feel better soon and your spike subsides. My experience is that it can be very tough to wait it out, but it gets easier.

Ross

 

[Ken219]

@Candy I'm going through a spike, my guess it is my 4th or 5th. I believe most of my spikes come from extreme stress. We all have everyday stress but there are times it can be extreme. We try to cope as best we can. I hope you have a good, no great support from people. I deal using medication(s). I have always habituated and hope to do the same now.

I read you have had tinnitus for 3 years, have you habituated in the past three years? It is important you have a great support system. G-D bless.

 

[Candy]

@Elfin it sounds like you've done nothing out of the ordinary, sit it out and distract yourself. You have not messed up, seriously.

 

[Bill Bauer]

(even my friend's, as you pointed out above

Are you talking about Elfin?

with very little context as to what caused his tinnitus or if it spikes, etc).

I am basing my posts on the context provided by the poster. The poster is the best judge about what has caused their problems. So I my posts are based on the context that the poster found to be relevant.

Yet, you do so without offering any insight into what impact your experience/strategies have made to your tinnitus.

I had posted extensively about this in the past. But of course you are making a valid point as it is unreasonable to expect the new members to be able to find those posts. Sorry, I thought that above you were talking about what I did. If you are talking about the outcome, it seems to me that saying that I am happy about the outcome is enough. I was getting worse when I wasn't focusing on protection, I got better when I began to protect.

 

[Candy]

Thanks @Ken219.

I was ok, got used to it. Still heard it and it was louder in evenings but now it's so high, can't concentrate on work or watch tv... also not sleeping as well I guess but it's taken on a different magnitude I think... but am also tuning into it more, so it's a bit of both.

I do have understanding people around me but it's so lonely at the same time as they can't do much to help.

 

[Ross McLauchlan]

@Bill Bauer

No, I meant my friend who was the groom at the wedding I attended. Either way, it doesn't matter. I was just pointing out that you assume that my friends tinnitus is present because he hasn't changed his life style. You suggest yours has improved because you have - but to what extent and at what cost? Socialising is important to many of us and our mental well being.

All we can share here is our own experience to help someone out in whatever situation they find themselves. Hence why I'm commenting here - this very situation happened to me just weeks ago.

You're the most prevalent poster here, I'm intrigued as to why you dedicate so much attention here despite the improvements you suggest. Maybe documenting your own experience more thoroughly might lead people to understand your stance more clearly. You make clear the costs of noise, and quote us all when it spikes, it would be good to read your story and understand the benefits of avoidance as you see them. Particularly in relation to the improvements it's had on your tinnitus, how often you think about it, whether you feel that missing out on socialising will impact on your life, how you overcame the spikes you've gone through, etc.

Of course, you don't have to do any of this, but your story is just as useful as the ones you quote.

Ross

 

[Digital Doc]

@Elfin

Sorry to hear about your spike in T. I find it a constant challenge to walk the line between underprotection, and overprotection particularly for intermittent noisy environments. Traffic alongside the road is the classic example of that in my mind.

 

[MattS]

How many people need to get hurt before Richard will take note and adjust his advice accordingly? I also love it how you are pasting this theory underneath the actual experiences that debunk the theory.

Bill - do you protect between 60-70 dBs?

 

[MattS]

If it wasn't working out for me, I wouldn't be advising it to people. I won't go into any detail regarding my tinnitus, but I will say that despite my "overprotection", my hyperacusis is now completely gone. Also, the absence of loud noises is not really silence.

Honest question: if you always have protection on, how do you know your hyperacusis is gone?

 

[Bill Bauer]

Bill - do you protect between 60-70 dBs?

I don't have any means of measuring the dB level. I also don't think people should care - they should protect against any noise that had given spikes to them in the past, and they should protect against all noises that don't feel right to them. Once they are out of the acute stage (they will know when that happens), they can gradually increase their exposure to the sounds that would give spikes to them in the past.

 

[Digital Doc]

I don't have any means of measuring the dB level. I also don't think people should care - they should protect against any noise that had given spikes to them in the past, and they should protect against all noises that don't feel right to them. Once they are out of the acute stage (they will know when that happens), they can gradually increase their exposure to the sounds that would give spikes to them in the past.

I would add that protection/avoidance needs to remain in place for noise above 80-85 db's on a permanent basis for rest of life. Also some sounds, such as loud rock concerts or jet engines cannot be made safe with current hearing protection and should be avoided.

 

[Bill Bauer]

if you always have protection on

I don't always have protection on. What people should do is stay away from the places where they need protection!!!!!!!!!

You know that your hyperacusis is gone because sounds stop bothering you as much as they did before. Even when you have protection on in places where you expect to need it, you often get surprised at places like home. That's when you find out how sensitive you really are.