Has Anyone Else Had a "Breakthrough" After a "Breakdown"?

[JasonP]

A little over a week ago I had a mental breakdown due to tinnitus and depression. To give you a little background, I'm bipolar II and have had good and bad days for a year and half. I have been on Lamictal and Klonopin during this time. The previous two years before that I had some very bad weeks off an on (maybe 1 extremely bad week out of every 3 weeks). The remaining two weeks consisted of "functional" and "okay" days. I was only on Klonopin. About 30 days ago, I got screwed up with my medication and sleep cycle issues. The tinnitus greatly amplified the depression. I got so bad that one day I could barely function in the morning and early afternoon. In the evening I was able to do a few things but I started having a mental breakdown with awful feelings. Basically, I was tired of the depression and tired of the ringing.

I had been trying to do experiments to "cure" these problems for years and I felt like at one point I had a solution and it got lower. This was a nice comforting feeling. However, it later went up and I couldn't figure out how to consistently lower it and it was a dark feeling and that is what I was experiencing a week ago. That night I went to bed and expected it to be loud the next day instead of hoping it would be low. I thought, there is no point in getting upset tomorrow if it is loud because I don't want to ever feel these negative feelings again. Before this, I was dependent on a "masker" sometimes when I noticed my T but my thinking lately is that I don't have to have it like I used to.

This past week I haven't been happy about the tinnitus but I have been more accepting of it. I'm not fighting it as much as I used to. There has been no anxiety about it. There has been no extreme depressing thoughts. I think this mental breakdown could have been what I needed to begin the "acceptance" process of my tinnitus in a mental sense instead of relying on medications to manipulate my emotions to "accept it".

Before I was heavily into taking medications to alter my emotions during the day. I was also into doing experiments with medications into lowering my T throughout the past year and half and if my T was low, I felt good and if it was bad, all kinds of various reactions could happen. The past two weeks I did not do that and instead just took my medications at around the same time and decided to mentally deal with the tinnitus and some other issues. The negative thoughts have come into my mind, but lately they haven't had the extreme "sting" as sometimes they would in the past.

I hope this is the beginning of mental habituation because the more I accept the tinnitus, the more I will ignore it. The more I ignore it, the more I won't pay attention to it. And if I don't pay attention to it, I won't notice it.

Has anyone here heard about or had a "breakdown" that lead to a "breakthrough"?

 

[Samantha R]

@JasonP
I am so sorry to hear about your breakdown, and I know how much effort you put in to researching and providing great information for the forum.
I am glad that you are doing better and I like your approach of not trying to alter your tinnitus by experimenting with your medications.
I think that makes you analyse your tinnitus too much and therefore it's always at the front of your mind. If you do what you do (take your medication at the same time, regardless of what the tinnitus is doing), you are not giving the tinnitus priority and that will help shift your focus.
I know it can be done because I have been so busy these last 2 weeks with a new business, I've honestly not even given tinnitus a second thought. I'd even be laying in bed in a quiet room thinking of the business and what I have to do and I don't notice the tinnitus. The mind is very powerful, and I am actually relieved to know that my brain is capable of
tuning out the tinnitus. A huge relief! am still very up and down with my tinnitus, but haven't had a breakdown as such (unless you count when I first got tinnitus).
So yes, I think you are habituating.
Keep it up!

 

[fishbone]

I'm truly sorry that you suffer so much! Tinnitus is a beast and i know damn well, just how destructive it can be. A breakdown has led me to many new doors and opportunities. I haven't had much breakdowns in my life, when both my parents died i almost had one. All of these elements in life are obstacles and they can and will lead to new opportunities IF you allow it.

I am alone, in a new state with 3 little dogs. I have no family left and i too had some serious depression, but my depression was expected and normal. After a lot of soul searching, I figured that I needed to do something about this. I joined a martial arts gym that I have always dreamed about and it keeps me alive and going each week. I train 4-7 times a week and it has become my life. In all honesty, sitting home or doing no activities and living with a level 10-11 tinnitus that I have, it only leads to horror and destruction.

It's ok to cry and get angry at times and even question things. BUT, don't let that become a permanent thing, an every day thing. If you do that, it only gets deeper and uglier. Let that obstacle, guide you to a new door. The door is there, you just have to open it buddy

 

[MidnightOilAudio]

Sorry to drag this back to the top, @JasonP , but I experienced the exact same thing about a month or so in.

I remember it vividly (and indeed posted about in a thread back then!). I just had my impacted wax removed (which I was hoping was the source of my T) and when the wax came out but the ringing didn't stop, I about lost it. My wife was with me, and I held it together until we made it back to the car. I'm a grown ass man who has raised two kids, torn my knee ligaments, broken my collarbone, chopped off the top of a finger, had a few root canals.. but I broke down like a baby in front of her. Told her I can't imagine living like this, that I didn't want to live, etc. etc. The whole slobbering mess took about 5 minutes. When we got home, I felt markedly different. T was still ever-present of course, and I wasn't "happy" AT ALL, but I wasn't suicidal, like I thought I had been only 30 mins or so previously. My mood generally has been improving ever since (this was roughly 2.5 years ago). I am still not at the point where I can go a full day without noticing my T, but i have never re-visited the dark dungeon of suicidal ideation again.