How Do I Stop Tinnitus from Turning Me Into an Asshole?

[Lynny]

I'm becoming insufferable myself.

I know there's people out there who's hardships have turned them into better people wishing to spare others of their own suffering. I'm afraid this is me slowly finding out I am not one of them.

The first thing that worried me when I got this was, 'how am I going to be a good daughter/granddaughter/(girl)friend/person with this screaming inside my head?'

Now, I just want to get through the day and sleep as long as possible. I want to be left alone and I don't feel like doing things for others anymore. My focus is 95% inwards; I'm literally self absorbed.

This lack of understanding from the outside world is really getting to me. I don't blame people for not understanding what it's like but at the same time I so desperately wish there was a way to let them feel what I'm feeling (like in that one Black Mirror episode). Just describing it is not enough.

My close family also doesn't know how to deal with my insomnia, OCD and depression- let alone the horrible anxiety attacks that can last up to 72 hours.

I love them and I know I'm becoming a burden to them. I don't know how to fix it. It's so hard to prioritize other things (like doing things for them) when this ringing and anxiety is taking up all the space in my mind.

I'm looking at the world through these horrible tinnitus-coloured lenses (if that makes sense). I associate everything I see / hear with tinnitus. How do I stop this from turning me into an asshole?
I don't know how to be nice anymore, I feel like crying all the time and I have this horrible habit of weighing other people's suffering up to my own which puts them into one of three categories;

1. Lucky, blue pilled bastards that could never understand

2. People I can relate to, or

3. People that have it worse than me, I often look to them for inspiration.

I am very aware of that these are all destructive thinking patterns but I'm at a loss of how to deal with them.

I have to confess I have inadvertently put my therapist into the first category described above and I'm finding it hard to take his advice seriously. (I know, I know, it's a judgemental thing to do but I can't help it, the way he speaks of tinnitus and depression makes me believe he has no idea what he's talking about. He's also rather fiercely anti-euthanasia, which is -in my opinion - a standpoint that can only be afforded by people that haven't gone through anything horrible enough to justify death as the lesser of two evils).

Anyway, sorry for the long rant. I hope someone on here relates.

 

[JohnAdams]

This sounds cliche, but the human mind is made to adapt, and even though this will certainly be a difficult adjustment, you will over time find it easier to live your life and enjoy things once again. You will certainly have to make changes and miss out on stuff like concerts, but it will get better. Also, just don't let it destroy you, and keep an eye on some of the drugs that are going through trials right now for tinnitus and hearing loss. At least they aren't completely clueless about this condition like they were 20 years ago and are starting to make serious progress towards a cure.

 

[Lynny]

Thanks, John.

You're probably (and hopefully) right. I just wish there was a way to know for certain you're going to get through something when you're still in it. Right now I doubt my own resilience.

I hope Lenire and FX-322 become successful enough to kickstart more research and commercializing of medical technology.

 

[JohnAdams]

I hope Lenire and FX-322 become successful enough to kickstart more research and commercializing of medical technology.

There's other stuff being worked on as well. Nothing is a sure shot but it seems like the corporate beast system sees a big market for a tinnitus treatment/cure and has confidence enough that it can be found.

 

[Vicki14]

I absolutely 100% feel your pain, frustration and anxiety and couldn't agree more with what you've said @Lynny. It's so tough to remain positive when you're in the thick of it and waking up every day dealing with the same old crap. It's certainly the most frustrating situation I've found myself in, folk can only sympathise as we once did not fully understanding the true horror of what it's like to live with. It's exhausting picking up the pieces each day... all because of some stupid pointless noise.

I really hope there are better days ahead for all of us who suffer with shiTinnitus. At least you're still young enough to hopefully see potential treatments - god, one can only hope! xx

 

[Harley]

I'm becoming insufferable myself.

View attachment 31636

I know there's people out there who's hardships have turned them into better people wishing to spare others of their own suffering. I'm afraid this is me slowly finding out I am not one of them.

The first thing that worried me when I got this was, 'how am I going to be a good daughter/granddaughter/(girl)friend/person with this screaming inside my head?'

Now, I just want to get through the day and sleep as long as possible. I want to be left alone and I don't feel like doing things for others anymore. My focus is 95% inwards; I'm literally self absorbed.

View attachment 31632

This lack of understanding from the outside world is really getting to me. I don't blame people for not understanding what it's like but at the same time I so desperately wish there was a way to let them feel what I'm feeling (like in that one Black Mirror episode). Just describing it is not enough.

My close family also doesn't know how to deal with my insomnia, OCD and depression- let alone the horrible anxiety attacks that can last up to 72 hours.

I love them and I know I'm becoming a burden to them. I don't know how to fix it. It's so hard to prioritize other things (like doing things for them) when this ringing and anxiety is taking up all the space in my mind.

View attachment 31633

I'm looking at the world through these horrible tinnitus-coloured lenses (if that makes sense). I associate everything I see / hear with tinnitus. How do I stop this from turning me into an asshole?
I don't know how to be nice anymore, I feel like crying all the time and I have this horrible habit of weighing other people's suffering up to my own which puts them into one of three categories;

1. Lucky, blue pilled bastards that could never understand

2. People I can relate to, or

3. People that have it worse than me, I often look to them for inspiration.

I am very aware of that these are all destructive thinking patterns but I'm at a loss of how to deal with them.

View attachment 31634

I have to confess I have inadvertently put my therapist into the first category described above and I'm finding it hard to take his advice seriously. (I know, I know, it's a judgemental thing to do but I can't help it, the way he speaks of tinnitus and depression makes me believe he has no idea what he's talking about. He's also rather fiercely anti-euthanasia, which is -in my opinion - a standpoint that can only be afforded by people that haven't gone through anything horrible enough to justify death as the lesser of two evils).

Anyway, sorry for the long rant. I hope someone on here relates.

View attachment 31635

What you are feeling is completelly normal, considering the circumstances.
The loneliness of this horrid condition is very much underestimated.
Suffering without those close to us being able to acknowledge it is nothing short of devastating.

It is the constant need to have to explain why you are acting "weird" or why ypu are being "anti-social", that can wear a person down very quickly.

Personally, if I could pick having no legs over Tinnitus, I would be very happy to make the switch.
Aside from the obvious relief from the torture, I would no longer have to explain, why I can't go play soccer with the guys, or why I don't feel like socializing etc.

Myself, I find it very hard to relate to other people anymore, because of Tinnitis.
Also my tolerance for any bs has drastically decreased.
As a result I had became very blunt and easily agitated.
You are not alone here.

 

[Bill Bauer]

I so desperately wish there was a way to let them feel what I'm feeling

Isn't that easy (provided they are willing to cooperate)? Just get them to wear headphones and play tinnitus sound in the headphones...

He's also rather fiercely anti-euthanasia

He sucks.

How do I stop this from turning me into an asshole?
I don't know how to be nice anymore

You are not being an asshole - you are unwell.

Have you experienced any fading (or change for the better) compared to how you felt 3 months ago?

 

[daiso]

@Lynny If I am correct that you're young, then we are decades apart in age, but yet, the mental ruins inflicted by T on me are exactly the same, being unfriendly, not caring, not wanting and sometimes hateful and whatnot, and I can feel your pain many times worse when you should be living your life instead of being cornered. There aren't really any viable options except to take it one day at a time and see where it leads. I find doing household chores the best way to get through the day and of course helps me forget T temporarily. You may also find yourself to be less burden to your family if you do feel this way.

 

[JohnAdams]

shiTinnitus

It's Shitnitus.

 

[John Mahan]

A question we each ask ourselves.
Winner!

Of course there is the notion that this debilitating disease will make us incredibly empathetic to others.
But we just don't buy it.

Best post Lynny. As unanswerable as the cause of tinnitus itself.

 

[JohnAdams]

Here's something funny, I was a much bigger asshole before I got tinnitus and it has in fact humbled me a lot and I am actually less of an asshole now.

 

[John Mahan]

Here's something funny, I was a much bigger asshole before I got tinnitus and it has in fact humbled me a lot and I am actually less of an asshole now.

Many would disagree. But we have no frame of reference.

 

[John Mahan]

John actually made some pretty good points.

You are viewing the stranglehold tinnitus has on your life right now. A snapshot through a particular lens. It will change. You will get better I believe.

Reason in particular is because tinnitus will be solved on some level...or at least be managed.
Yes we have some stuff coming you mentioned in the next couple of years. But in 10 to 20 years...you are so young, I believe there will be transformative therapies. And your life will be restored and you will think back to this time of struggle wistfully. My opinion.

Meanwhile...'try' to live as normal as you can. Do what I do....fake normalcy.

 

[John Mahan]

Lynny,
Let this beautiful song be the graceful embrace of your journey with tinnitus until help comes.
Please follow the mood of the music as it turns from dark to warmth to the joy life offers:

 

[Alex Matyjasek]

You just need to be patient. Time will put you in your spot, and either way things will get a lot better for you. You'd need to be a little bit unlucky for that not to be the case...
It just takes forever to get there. Patience, and stop monitoring it. The quicker you will habituate. I've got a pain in the ass tinnitus, but over time I just simply cared less about it = more silent moments... I live a normal life with the limitations that comes with this crap. Not going to a 'concerts' is not a big deal really? Good luck!

 

[Astro]

I'm becoming insufferable myself.

View attachment 31636

I know there's people out there who's hardships have turned them into better people wishing to spare others of their own suffering. I'm afraid this is me slowly finding out I am not one of them.

The first thing that worried me when I got this was, 'how am I going to be a good daughter/granddaughter/(girl)friend/person with this screaming inside my head?'

Now, I just want to get through the day and sleep as long as possible. I want to be left alone and I don't feel like doing things for others anymore. My focus is 95% inwards; I'm literally self absorbed.

View attachment 31632

This lack of understanding from the outside world is really getting to me. I don't blame people for not understanding what it's like but at the same time I so desperately wish there was a way to let them feel what I'm feeling (like in that one Black Mirror episode). Just describing it is not enough.

My close family also doesn't know how to deal with my insomnia, OCD and depression- let alone the horrible anxiety attacks that can last up to 72 hours.

I love them and I know I'm becoming a burden to them. I don't know how to fix it. It's so hard to prioritize other things (like doing things for them) when this ringing and anxiety is taking up all the space in my mind.

View attachment 31633

I'm looking at the world through these horrible tinnitus-coloured lenses (if that makes sense). I associate everything I see / hear with tinnitus. How do I stop this from turning me into an asshole?
I don't know how to be nice anymore, I feel like crying all the time and I have this horrible habit of weighing other people's suffering up to my own which puts them into one of three categories;

1. Lucky, blue pilled bastards that could never understand

2. People I can relate to, or

3. People that have it worse than me, I often look to them for inspiration.

I am very aware of that these are all destructive thinking patterns but I'm at a loss of how to deal with them.

View attachment 31634

I have to confess I have inadvertently put my therapist into the first category described above and I'm finding it hard to take his advice seriously. (I know, I know, it's a judgemental thing to do but I can't help it, the way he speaks of tinnitus and depression makes me believe he has no idea what he's talking about. He's also rather fiercely anti-euthanasia, which is -in my opinion - a standpoint that can only be afforded by people that haven't gone through anything horrible enough to justify death as the lesser of two evils).

Anyway, sorry for the long rant. I hope someone on here relates.

View attachment 31635

In due time hahah.... for the first year I was an asshole. Its sound stupid but it gets better. I came from almost blowing my head off with a loaded gun in my mouth crying like a mess in the shower to just having to sleep with a fan on high now. If you wanna talk let me know.

 

[Lynny]

Isn't that easy (provided they are willing to cooperate)? Just get them to wear headphones and play tinnitus sound in the headphones...

I have done this and it's helpful, but it's not really what I meant.
I mean I wish to somehow explain what it does to you in terms of anxiety, in terms of knowing you're most likely going to be stuck with this forever/ a long time. This is going to sound awful but I sometimes wish this disease was one that would give me an expiration date.

Just so I wouldn't feel trapped between life and death; with tinnitus the only way out is one I'd have to create myself; subsequently forever (direct-or indirectly) getting blamed for the pain I would cause for others as a result.

He sucks.

He's a nice guy, I know he means well, but he's just making me feel more crazy than I already am by continuously dismissing tinnitus as being the core cause of my problems.

Have you experienced any fading (or change for the better) compared to how you felt 3 months ago?

Not really. In fact when I look back at it it was masked more easily before. It keeps getting worse, seemingly for no reason. Perhaps it's the stress/anxiety. I read somewhere it could actually cause tinnitus but I find that a little bit hard to believe. I'm sure it doesn't help lessen my perception of it.

Anyway thanks for your comment, it really was helpful.

 

[Lynny]

In due time hahah.... for the first year I was an asshole. Its sound stupid but it gets better. I came from almost blowing my head off with a loaded gun in my mouth crying like a mess in the shower to just having to sleep with a fan on high now. If you wanna talk let me know.

I am basically literally in your 'before' situation but thank you for sharing a little bit of your story, it's encouraging and makes me not want to give up as much.

 

[Astro]

I am basically literally in your 'before' situation but thank you for sharing a little bit of your story, it's encouraging and makes me not want to give up as much.

Itll be okay.
I gotta run around and do stuff all day. But I'll be back on here tonight to read a bunch and post. Well talk alot more. I promise it gets easier/better

 

[John Mahan]

He's a nice guy, I know he means well, but he's just making me feel more crazy than I already am by continuously dismissing tinnitus as being the core cause of my problems.

Keep in mind. Those that don't have tinnitus will never understand. Also there is a pretty good group of people, and perhaps not excluding your shrink, that believe your loud tinnitus is the result of you 'are crazy. That is how stupid people are Lynny. I know not easy to accept about some people but other people will never understand the mind being taken over by a loud sound that shouldn't exist. Some ignorant people compare loud and unacceptable ringing in the ears with people that 'hear voices'.

Amped up anxiety aggravates tinnitus. Consider taking a benzo 'as needed' as I do to bring you down off the ledge and tamp down your anxiety. Only a suggestion if you feel a bit desperate as I do from time to time...as many of us do.

If you see a trend in responses Lynny to your post other than you absolutely nailing how we all feel about it is...the trend is 'you will feel better'. You will adjust. It will take some time.

 

[GregCA]

Isn't that easy (provided they are willing to cooperate)? Just get them to wear headphones and play tinnitus sound in the headphones...

That method is highly ineffective.

The reason for our distress is because we know there is no escaping the sound, ever. They, on the other hand, know that they can remove the headphones anytime they want. They are not trapped, they don't feel any anxiety.

We don't get overly stressed when we are under the weather for a couple of days with flu symptoms, because we know that feeling crappy is not going to last forever. The anxiety would skyrocket if we were told that low functioning state would be our life every day from now on.

That experiment can actually accomplish the opposite: once they calmly remove the headphones, they'll wonder what the big deal is.

 

[TheDanishGirl]

Here's something funny, I was a much bigger asshole before I got tinnitus and it has in fact humbled me a lot and I am actually less of an asshole now.

I have heard that stated by others on this forums. Personally that's not what's happened to me. I am for certain a bigger "asshole" now then ever. Acquiring these two horrid conditions have not made me humble but bitter instead, and I now have a really REALLY short temper when it comes to other people's behaviour (mostly in terms of how loud they are) and their "insignificant" problems. I have zero tolerance for people's bullshit anymore.

I really feel your post Lynny.

 

[Bill Bauer]

The reason for our distress is because we know there is no escaping the sound, ever. They, on the other hand, know that they can remove the headphones anytime they want. They are not trapped, they don't feel any anxiety.

You would think that they should be able to imagine how it would feel if there was no escaping the sound.

 

[Bill Bauer]

It keeps getting worse, seemingly for no reason.

What is the loudest sound that you have been exposed to since you got tinnitus? Are you taking any medications that might be ototoxic?
http://hlaa-sbc.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/Ototoxic_Brochure.pdf

 

[John Mahan]

You would think that they should be able to imagine how it would feel if there was no escaping the sound.

No. Greg is right. My opinion.

 

[John Mahan]

I have heard that stated by others on this forums. Personally that's not what's happened to me. I am for certain a bigger "asshole" now then ever. Acquiring these two horrid conditions have not made me humble but bitter instead, and I now have a really REALLY short temper when it comes to other people's behaviour (mostly in terms of how loud they are) and their "insignificant" problems. I have zero tolerance for people's bullshit anymore.

I really feel your post Lynny.

Hopefully help in the form of therapies will come to take the edge off our tinnitus for all of us.
Try to stay hopeful.
I am not a quick to anger person. I kind of accept the world as it is on some level and yes, obnoxious people are just that. I just feel more limited by my tinnitus...even if self imposed. I still do a lot of stuff, its just how I feel about myself. For example I recently begged off airplane travel to go visit a friend. I wasn't feeling up to the trip and didn't want to deal with how my tinnitus would react. In a more controlled environment, I can keep more of a lid on it.

I don't really have anger about it. Rather disappointment this thing out of nowhere happened.

If I were to characterize maybe a couple of aspects I hear and how I feel about myself....a couple of things.
Grieving: I think many with tinnitus grieve over what has happened to them. They remember when they didn't have it and pine for the period of their life they felt better...or less encumbered.

Second is lack of confidence: I think tinnitus...those that suffer, tinnitus further erodes confidence.
Confidence is a by product of feeling healthy and good about yourself. No limits. Many of us feel more limited....like Lynny's questions of 'how can I'? She will do better of course.

So maybe we all agree that we should all be fixed so we will be like we were before...carefree and crank up the rock and roll.

 

[Lynny]

You would think that they should be able to imagine how it would feel if there was no escaping the sound.

If they have a bit of imagination, maybe a little. But I had heard of tinnitus before (the Gaby Olthuis story was quite big in The Netherlands) and even though I thought it was horrible, I never mustered the same kind of understanding of tinnitus and of for example Gaby's decision to end her life before I actually got tinnitus myself.

 

[Harley]

If they have a bit of imagination, maybe a little. But I had heard of tinnitus before (the Gaby Olthuis story was quite big in The Netherlands) and even though I thought it was horrible, I never mustered the same kind of understanding of tinnitus and of for example Gaby's decision to end her life before I actually got tinnitus myself.

This is a big curse of this condition.
Only those who have it can truly understand the torture, anxiety and despair.

If we could somehow transfer the sounds we are hearing 24/7 just for a short time into someone's head, they would beg for it to stop in couple of hours and have a nervous melt down, if they had endure it for couple days.

I bet your anti-euthanasia therapist (who's biggest adversity to date was most likely a sprain ankle while playing tennis, or throwing up after one too many latte's at Starbucks) would be singing a much different tune if he couldn't sleep for more than 2 hours a night, due to horrible screetching sounds in his head.

He should be paying you for trying to fill in his education gaps, not the other way around.

 

[Astro]

Tinnitus made me into a complete adrenaline seeking psycho in the best way with the mind of a monk. I use pot to make me happy, makes my ears ring louder but its w.e cause I love weed. I wouldnt be who I was if my ears didnt ring. This shit made me not scared of life. I tattood my entire body. I like to jump out of planes. Human suspension... the amount of empathy I have is ridiculous. I am peoples keeper because I know pain and suffering and torture and I wouldnt change it at all. I'm glad my ears started ringing. It made me appreciate the small stuff. Yeah my ears will never hear silence again, but fuck it. There is alot of other great shit I can experience. I also have music playing always and I prefer it that way.

 

[John Mahan]

Tinnitus made me into a complete adrenaline seeking psycho in the best way with the mind of a monk. I use pot to make me happy, makes my ears ring louder but its w.e cause I love weed. I wouldnt be who I was if my ears didnt ring. This shit made me not scared of life. I tattood my entire body. I like to jump out of planes. Human suspension... the amount of empathy I have is ridiculous. I am peoples keeper because I know pain and suffering and torture and I wouldnt change it at all. I'm glad my ears started ringing. It made me appreciate the small stuff. Yeah my ears will never hear silence again, but fuck it. There is alot of other great shit I can experience. I also have music playing always and I prefer it that way.

I love to read tinnitus success stories. You sound like a well adjusted member of society. Do you visualize your head as one large bell ringing?