How Do You Deal with Loud Talkers?

[Alue]

Normally I do okay with loud talkers even if it's a little uncomfortable, but yesterday I was playing board games with people at a meetup group (one of the few social activities that I can do because they don't play loud noise), and this guy sitting across from me screamed the entire time. I don't think it was intentional at all, he was a nice guy, but kind of awkward and had this raspy shrill voice that sounded like he was screaming every time he spoke. I put in earplugs, but it was still too loud for me and I knew it. I was trying to be polite and I just grit my teeth and put up with it, but my ears are reacting to it today.

I just don't know how to bring it up when someone doesn't even realize they are so loud and they probably don't understand hearing sensitivity. I thought I found a group activity that I could do with hyperacusis, but even that proves to be too loud for me at times.

 

[Bill Bauer]

Assuming I could be sure that he wouldn't use it against me, I would tell him that I have an ear condition and that him talking too loud causes actual pain.

I have had a meeting at work during which I ran out of the room, and spoke with the people inside while I was standing safely outside. I reminded them about my condition and asked them to lower their voices.

 

[Julien87]

If you can't tolerate these people even with plugs, i would say that it's better to avoid them. Because obviously they cannot change their voice.
If it's just a matter of speech loudness, you could simply ask them to talk at a reasonable level, no? Nobody likes when people talk very loud anyway

 

[Imshael]

I'm guessing that it could be a bit sensitive to some people, telling them that they are too loud. Of course some people wouldn't care at all and do what they could to quiet down, but if you don't really know him that well it might be hard for you to tell how he would react? If earplugs wasn't enough, I would probably try to get through it that one time and then avoid this person. Perhaps you can find another group to play board games with?

 

[Bill Bauer]

I would probably try to get through it that one time and then avoid this person

Why risk getting a spike (that could be permanent, or temporary and last three months)? I see the downside, I don't see the upside.

 

[Imshael]

@Bill Bauer well, it depends on how loud the person actually is, I suppose. If it felt really unbearable, I would excuse myself and leave.

 

[Johan_L]

It depends on your sensitivity. If your condition is bad enough you will care less about any social complications, as the downside are too high.

Half a year ago when my condition was not as severe, I would feel at times experience slight discomfort when a certain female talked, but I never noticed any effects after so I just would just bear it.

Today my condition is worse and I take action immediately, i.e. ask them to be more quiet or make up an excuse and leave. It's just not worth it.

 

[TheDanishGirl]

It is a really hard situation to be in, because socially it can be considered not "polite" to shush people.

But with that said, If I were you, I would explain my situation, and tell him that the level he spoke in hurt my voice, or I would get up and leave. Personally I have found no connection in what pains my ears and what triggers a spike, so it would not be the fear of a spike that would get me to leave, but the fact that if I am sitting having stabbing pains in my ear all the time, then a social event becomes totally unenjoyable to me, and I might as well leave.

I also have a problem with people's voices if they are high or a certain pitch. Some weeks ago I went into town to do some errands. It was a sunny and warm day. I sat down on a bench with a cold drink and this young woman started engaging in conversation with me. She had some sort of mental problem I could tell and was living in a house share she told me. She was very sweet BUT her voice was sharp and high. I had my ear plugs in but it still hurt my ears. After a few minutes of conversation I stopped her midtalk to tell her that I had this ear condition that made me experience sharp pain if voices/noises were loud, and that her voice triggered that pain, and I asked her if she could lower her voice and she did and was very understanding, and we had a good half hour conversation before I went home.

 

[GregCA]

I'd just excuse myself and leave.

 

[Alue]

@Bill Bauer well, it depends on how loud the person actually is, I suppose. If it felt really unbearable, I would excuse myself and leave.

I had a decibel meter on me lol. His voice was about 85+db every time he opened his mouth, and he was explaining the game so he was talking for almost the entire time.

It depends on your sensitivity. If your condition is bad enough you will care less about any social complications, as the downside are too high.

I developed a new tone from loud noise exposure in the past.

It is a really hard situation to be in, because socially it can be considered not "polite" to shush people.

But with that said, If I were you, I would explain my situation, and tell him that the level he spoke in hurt my voice, or I would get up and leave. Personally I have found no connection in what pains my ears and what triggers a spike, so it would not be the fear of a spike that would get me to leave, but the fact that if I am sitting having stabbing pains in my ear all the time, then a social event becomes totally unenjoyable to me, and I might as well leave.

It really is a difficult situation. I know I probably seemed a bit standoffish as it was unpleasant the entire time. Between that and a nitrogen dewar going off as I walked past it this week my ears are spiking again. No new tones so I have hope that it will calm down. I've had this condition for 2 and a half years, and it took me 2 years before I got to the point where I could ignore the tinnitus most of the time as it's moderate to severe, but this hyperacusis and reactive tinnitus just cannot be habituated to.

 

[Imshael]

I had a decibel meter on me lol. His voice was about 85+db every time he opened his mouth, and he was explaining the game so he was talking for almost the entire time.

With earplugs that should put you somewhere around 65-70 db? I don't think that could cause any permanent damage, perhaps you are having a spike due to anxiety? Anyway, hope it gets better for you!

 

[glynis]

Normally I do okay with loud talkers even if it's a little uncomfortable, but yesterday I was playing board games with people at a meetup group (one of the few social activities that I can do because they don't play loud noise), and this guy sitting across from me screamed the entire time. I don't think it was intentional at all, he was a nice guy, but kind of awkward and had this raspy shrill voice that sounded like he was screaming every time he spoke. I put in earplugs, but it was still too loud for me and I knew it. I was trying to be polite and I just grit my teeth and put up with it, but my ears are reacting to it today.

I just don't know how to bring it up when someone doesn't even realize they are so loud and they probably don't understand hearing sensitivity. I thought I found a group activity that I could do with hyperacusis, but even that proves to be too loud for me at times.

Tell him on his own that you have a ear problem and carn't be around loud noise and would he help you by being just a little quieter playing the games in a nice way.
He might have his own problems and just getting a bit excited having a nice time and not knowing he's hurting your ears.
Give it time and I'm sure you could even be good friends.

love glynis

 

[fishbone]

Normally I do okay with loud talkers even if it's a little uncomfortable, but yesterday I was playing board games with people at a meetup group (one of the few social activities that I can do because they don't play loud noise), and this guy sitting across from me screamed the entire time. I don't think it was intentional at all, he was a nice guy, but kind of awkward and had this raspy shrill voice that sounded like he was screaming every time he spoke. I put in earplugs, but it was still too loud for me and I knew it. I was trying to be polite and I just grit my teeth and put up with it, but my ears are reacting to it today.

I just don't know how to bring it up when someone doesn't even realize they are so loud and they probably don't understand hearing sensitivity. I thought I found a group activity that I could do with hyperacusis, but even that proves to be too loud for me at times.

Very simple - Educate (let others know they are loud and your ears are sensitive), if this does not work Escape (leave the environment). No need to make your situation worst, just leave.

I had this issue a month ago. I was talking to a friend and he kept raising his voice. I said, (in a nice non aggressive way) "please keep your voice low, no need to be so loud". He'd keep raising his voice and I told him that my ears ring and his voice is just too loud and painful.

Then he started to "TRY" to educate me on ears and tinnitus and he has no ear issues himself. He started to feed me so much garbage and non-sense. I actually smiled and just walked away.

As I said in another recent post, some folks are not aware of our issues and we need to educate them. Some folks just don't care and there is not much we can do to change the situation.

I would not go to meetups if members (even one of them) can bother my ears...

 

[Alue]

Sigh! I went back and there was a different person that shouted the entire time. It's weird because he was quiet talking with him, then he started explaining the rules of the game and started shouting. It's like people see you put earplugs in your ears and think "Hmm, I bet they can't hear me so I'll talk even LOUDER!".

Some people speak so softly that it's hard to hear them with earplugs in, and other people are so freaking loud that it's painful even with earplugs in.

It took three days or so for the spike last week to calm down. Hopefully this one isn't any worse.

 

[Contrast]

Very simple - Educate (let others know they are loud and your ears are sensitive), if this does not work Escape (leave the environment). No need to make your situation worst, just leave.

I had this issue a month ago. I was talking to a friend and he kept raising his voice. I said, (in a nice non aggressive way) "please keep your voice low, no need to be so loud". He'd keep raising his voice and I told him that my ears ring and his voice is just too loud and painful.

Then he started to "TRY" to educate me on ears and tinnitus and he has no ear issues himself. He started to feed me so much garbage and non-sense. I actually smiled and just walked away.

As I said in another recent post, some folks are not aware of our issues and we need to educate them. Some folks just don't care and there is not much we can do to change the situation.

I would not go to meetups if members (even one of them) can bother my ears...

I thought your hyperacusis was completely gone?

sorry about that situation.

 

[fishbone]

I thought your hyperacusis was completely gone?

sorry about that situation.

It felt like i had a megaphone next to my ears. His voice was that loud. my hyperacusis is 90% gone. I am sure of this, because at end of my martial arts class the teacher and students clap their hands and it does nothing to my ears...

 

[Contrast]

It felt like i had a megaphone next to my ears. His voice was that loud. my hyperacusis is 90% gone. I am sure of this, because at end of my martial arts class the teacher and students clap their hands and it does nothing to my ears...

can you deal with up to 95 DB of noise?

not that you should hang out around that loud noise but city traffic might spike at 95db.

 

[fishbone]

can you deal with up to 95 DB of noise?

not that you should hang out around that loud noise but city traffic might spike at 95db.

95 db of noise will annoy me and for sure majority of those that have tinnitus. My car hovers around 84-89dbs when I drive it to the restaurant. It's a bit loud but I am ok driving it for a short distance. In general stress levels play a huge role in how our tinnitus will act.

I was at the mechanic 2 weeks ago and 3 cars honked at me, a mack truck came in and was backing out with those loud beeps that those cars make when they back out.

I left the facility and I never had a spike because of it. It's not always the sound that causes the spikes, stress is just as bad and at times worst than the actual sound....

 

[Alue]

I can't believe my right ear is still louder from sitting next to a loud talker with earplugs in. It's ridiculous.

I knew it was uncomfortable, but it's hard to get up and leave, or explain in a group setting. I don't understand why people feel the need to shout when they are sitting right next to you.

 

[Taylorslay]

Normally I do okay with loud talkers even if it's a little uncomfortable, but yesterday I was playing board games with people at a meetup group (one of the few social activities that I can do because they don't play loud noise), and this guy sitting across from me screamed the entire time. I don't think it was intentional at all, he was a nice guy, but kind of awkward and had this raspy shrill voice that sounded like he was screaming every time he spoke. I put in earplugs, but it was still too loud for me and I knew it. I was trying to be polite and I just grit my teeth and put up with it, but my ears are reacting to it today.

I just don't know how to bring it up when someone doesn't even realize they are so loud and they probably don't understand hearing sensitivity. I thought I found a group activity that I could do with hyperacusis, but even that proves to be too loud for me at times.

Have musician earplugs on hand and explain to them they should lower their voice. I don't think it's unreasonable to tell someone to lower their voice. It may seem strange to them but as long as they're understanding people and adults they should be fine to comply.

 

[Marc22]

Alue:

This guy you mention sounds like my new roommate! He often talks loud and has an annoying nasal voice. I think he is aware of it, but can't control it mostly because he has a mental illness (schizo affective disorder), and he can be awkward. Fortunately, it does not affect my ears when my hyperacusis is good, and does not make me worse when my h. is bad like these days, it's just more annoying.

Luckily my roomate is also pretty respectful of my limitations with sound, but not all the time, which pisses me off. But no one normal is ever perfectly respectful all the time. They have their semi-conscious habits,they can be self-centered, and you can be in the way of their routines. What is really to be avoided are the deliberately cruel people, but I have rarely encountered them. Enough though to plunge me into misanthropic rage and despair when they hurt me.

Marco

 

[Jake007]

Normally I do okay with loud talkers even if it's a little uncomfortable, but yesterday I was playing board games with people at a meetup group (one of the few social activities that I can do because they don't play loud noise), and this guy sitting across from me screamed the entire time. I don't think it was intentional at all, he was a nice guy, but kind of awkward and had this raspy shrill voice that sounded like he was screaming every time he spoke. I put in earplugs, but it was still too loud for me and I knew it. I was trying to be polite and I just grit my teeth and put up with it, but my ears are reacting to it today.

I just don't know how to bring it up when someone doesn't even realize they are so loud and they probably don't understand hearing sensitivity. I thought I found a group activity that I could do with hyperacusis, but even that proves to be too loud for me at times.

Hey alue, what's up, how ya been. I hate loud obnoxious talkers to. But they dont understand, especially a stranger. Hang out with people that understand man. Theres a time to have fun and put up with it, and then theres not. Gotta choose who you do that with.

 

[Alue]

Hey alue, what's up, how ya been. I hate loud obnoxious talkers to. But they dont understand, especially a stranger. Hang out with people that understand man. Theres a time to have fun and put up with it, and then theres not. Gotta choose who you do that with.

Sorry, I didn't see this. Busy week. I've been okay, you?

The problem is that it's very hard finding people to hang out with as it is, but with hyperacusis it's extremely hard meeting new people, at least in my area. Bars are big, but they are all too loud. Most other social activities I used to enjoy are too loud.

 

[Alue]

Hmm. I have a lunch scheduled tomorrow with some work clients. One of them (whom I don't know that well) is hard of hearing so he shouts at everyone and just doesn't realize it. I'm honestly a little nervous about going to lunch and sitting next to him...

 

[Tony Phylactou]

Assuming I could be sure that he wouldn't use it against me, I would tell him that I have an ear condition and that him talking too loud causes actual pain.

I have had a meeting at work during which I ran out of the room, and spoke with the people inside while I was standing safely outside. I reminded them about my condition and asked them to lower their voices.

I tried it myself, they don't believe you, they think you are exaggerating.

 

[Tony Phylactou]

How do you deal with hand driers in public toilets. Me I run.

 

[threefirefour]

Tell them to be quiet. They clearly don't care about manners, so there's no reason to be polite.

 

[kmohoruk]

Normally I do okay with loud talkers even if it's a little uncomfortable, but yesterday I was playing board games with people at a meetup group (one of the few social activities that I can do because they don't play loud noise), and this guy sitting across from me screamed the entire time. I don't think it was intentional at all, he was a nice guy, but kind of awkward and had this raspy shrill voice that sounded like he was screaming every time he spoke. I put in earplugs, but it was still too loud for me and I knew it. I was trying to be polite and I just grit my teeth and put up with it, but my ears are reacting to it today.

I just don't know how to bring it up when someone doesn't even realize they are so loud and they probably don't understand hearing sensitivity. I thought I found a group activity that I could do with hyperacusis, but even that proves to be too loud for me at times.

In the past, I've tried to be polite (what can I say, I'm canadian ) and just let the person know that I have a hearing disability that means I have more sensitive ears than the average person. I've never really had much push back in the past. However some people don't end up understanding - like a landlord that I had once that couldn't understand why I didn't like being around her screaming grand children. In those cases, I often just use ear plugs, or if the person is still being really loud, then I remove myself from the situation. It's sucks, but sometimes that's just how it goes

 

[Marko Nakovski]

Most of the people doesnt understand this situation. I tried to explain my pain maybe 100 times but they look at me with weird look and ask me If maybe thats in my mind, that I have fear , that my ringing in the ear is not real and other questions which really make me angry .. I told them so many times and they still ask you how are your ears, you still didnt get better ? Why is like that ?? And that was about tinnitus. Now I can imagine if you try to explain them about hyperacusis and tell them that loud talking is hurting your ears ? Thats impossible I think. I mean there are people who understand you but they are very rare and most of them will think that you lie them, that you overreact and etc ...

 

[JohnAdams]

Just fart