How to Stay Positive with Severe Reactive Tinnitus?

About 35 years ago, I started noticing tinnitus, and it really freaked me out since I already knew there was no cure except for white noise. To “prevent it from getting worse,” I began wearing hearing protection, eventually all the time—24/7. This led to disastrous hyperacusis and worsening tinnitus, pushing me to frequent suicidal thoughts and a life that felt like a living hell. I had been evaluated at a top center back then, but they dismissed me, thinking I was “nuts,” since hyperacusis was considered extremely rare at the time. They couldn’t believe I had something so uncommon.

My life has been pretty miserable; it basically sucks. Somehow, I’ve managed to keep going. About 20 years ago, I was forced into a situation where wearing hearing protection wasn’t possible, except to avoid anything obviously noisy.

Now, I have severe reactive tinnitus. Everyday sounds like a truck backfiring, a fire alarm, overhead noise, or even a grocery cart crash make my life nearly impossible. I can’t go anywhere, and I have to stay super protected—any noise can trigger a spike. This isn’t something that can be undone. I had another consultation at a teaching center 10 years ago, and again, the specialist treated me like an idiot, suggesting I take a few shots of whiskey, which is absurd considering the medications I’m on. A few shots could be dangerous or even fatal, and unfortunately, I still want to live, so I’m stuck making the best of a bad situation.

I hang around here occasionally to see if anything has changed. At least now, they understand what we’re dealing with. About 15 years ago, my sympathetic local ENT contacted his neurobiologist friend at another teaching center, who told him, “Your patient is already doing everything correctly. There’s no point in him coming here for a consult since we have nothing new to offer him.”

So, I have that—I’m doing everything right, even if I’m in this miserable state. Experts say the brain desperately wants to heal, but it’s stuck in a “phantom limb” type phenomenon that doesn’t respond to conventional treatments. Cannabinoids only seem to worsen my spikes, although they resolve once out of my system. I’ve got an old prescription for morphine 5 mg, and while it puts me to sleep and gives me some relief, no one will prescribe it long-term, and living like a zombie isn’t much of a life.

Here I am, debating whether to start another “please help me” thread in a support forum or just continue doing what I know works and avoid what doesn’t.

Now, as I get older, it’s becoming harder for me to keep things straight and to function normally. I try to avoid falling into the swirl of depression, but it’s challenging given everything I’m dealing with. Being depressed only makes things worse, so I’m left wondering—how do I stay positive?