I Wish I Were Less Miserable

threefirefour

threefirefour

Member
Author
Benefactor
Hall of Fame
Aug 11, 2017
4,090
27
California
Tinnitus Since
5/15/16
Cause of Tinnitus
140dB B R U H moment
#1
The second worst part of tinnitus other than tinnitus itself, is always being miserable. I've always been a negative person and I'm proud of that, but I've just been much more negative since getting tinnitus. I guess I wish I didn't have tinnitus so I could be less miserable.
 
#2
@threefirefour ,
Sorry to hear your feeling down with your ears.
Do you find you feel a bit happier in the summer months ?
Love glynis
 
#4
I feel you. I've always been pretty negative, but rather realistic person and it's really sad to notice that only way people seem to manage to live a somewhat decent life with tinnitus is to have a Stockholm syndrome with your T. Sure, you can sugarcoat it all you want with your inspirational stuff, but the truth is that it really sucks and we just keep lying to ourselves, because...well, that's the only way, otherwise you go insane.

And the irony in here is that people tell you that don't let T change the way you are as a person. Well...then it means that I keep being realistic about T being a really awful condition. If I however would change my view and stop being negative, then I wouldn't be the same person anymore at all and I would let my T win as well. So yeah, never ending circle.

And what makes T even more isolating is the fact that we ain't even good enough for all that support that deals with depression since our problem is not temporary. So we're basically on our own.
 
#5
One of first post you comment on made me laugh so hard thats what kept me going. And I used to go back to just to laugh. Whether you are negative you are funny. And that talent can go along way, maybe try to move toward being middle. And work with it. I never seen unbelievable condition as T. And the way globally it is mistreated is dumbfounded. You are not imagine being miserable with T. You have to talk yourself out of it. It's hard to find a hobby that suits you. But that could help you at. If you can try to find something that makes you laugh just like you made me laugh.
 
#6
I agree with MBH on this one !

You are a very intelligent and bright young person. Just wondering why are you proud of being negative? Or was that one of those puns? Can a person be negative and not be miserable - tinnitus or not?
 
#7
Starthrower said:
I agree with MBH on this one !

You are a very intelligent and bright young person. Just wondering why are you proud of being negative? Or was that one of those puns? Can a person be negative and not be miserable - tinnitus or not?
Click to expand...
In my opinion negativity is my longest lasting trait. It's also the most realistic approach to life. Negativity is the clearest lens to view reality and that's why I'm proud of it.
 
#9
I don't believe in being negative about something like tinnitus, nor do I have much of a tendency to embrace positive thinking. Negative emotions only feed the frustration and anxiety, and attempts to put a positive spin on it isn't helpful either. My approach is neutrality, a thought process that can lead to a realistic mindset, which provides a better chance of achieving contentment than either negative, or positive, thinking can accomplish.
 
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#10
threefirefour said:
In my opinion negativity is my longest lasting trait. It's also the most realistic approach to life. Negativity is the clearest lens to view reality and that's why I'm proud of it.
Click to expand...

Reality and it's perception is what you make of it. Being negative simply drains the mind and the soul, that's a reality as well.....
 
#11
Bill Bauer said:
He is proud of not lying to/deceiving himself. He is proud for being objective and realistic.

I am also a negative person. I have been holding it back when posting here.
Click to expand...

You don't have to be negative, to be honest with yourself. Positive people are just as honest with themselves as well. Only difference is that positive people, are not draining their minds and souls and don't limit their lives either.....
 
#14
This reminds me of a moment I had one day. I thought to myself, "Why am I so happy right now?"

And I answered myself with, "Because you aren't in pain right now and your tinnitus has been low."

Any type of positivity I give myself is a lie. My happiness is entirely dependent on feeling like a normal human being. It's not mind over matter, it's just the way I am. I can't lie to myself and as such I'm not as great a person. It's tiring to be sad all the time so I'm just kind of here.
 
#16
Sonic17 said:
I find exercise really lifts my mood
Click to expand...
It does the opposite for me... :) I hate every second of it, and yearn for it to be over. I feel like a rat that has to press a lever to get oxygen (as no exercise = higher risk of cardiovascular disease)...
 
#17
Bill Bauer said:
It does the opposite for me..
Click to expand...
Really, I have always thought it to be a natural mood lifter for everyone, it increases your endorphins . I taught fitness classes in my 20's so I have always believed in the benefits of endurance activities...physically and mentally. Your body will adapt as you exercise, it eventually becomes addictive.
What about walking, do you like to walk?
 
#18
Sonic17 said:
Your body will adapt as you exercise, it eventually becomes addictive.
Click to expand...
Before T, I had been using my treadmill almost every day for about a year and a half. I would walk fast (3.5-4.5 miles per hour) for an hour. It never got addictive. I felt miserable about having to do it before, during, and after. I would watch videos during it to take my mind off of the overwhelming boredom, discomfort, overwhelming agitation, and overwhelming hate (of what I was putting myself through). It made it a little more bearable, but this would poison/ruin the enjoyment I would have had had I just watched that video while relaxing.

Sonic17 said:
What about walking, do you like to walk?
Click to expand...
I enjoy walking in scenic places where I haven't walked before. Unfortunately, that doesn't happen very often. When I walk in my neighbourhood (just like when I drive to work), I am profoundly depressed and annoyed about having to see that same scenery yet again.
 
#20
Bill Bauer said:
I felt miserable about having to do it before, during, and after.
Click to expand...
I don't think you are trying to be funny, but I find this funny. I started running half marathons (21 km) in my late thirties and fell in love with it....getting a personal best of completing 21 km within 90 minutes. I had to stop after my 13th half marathon only due to a hip injury...but would have loved to continue!
 
#23
threefirefour said:
In my opinion negativity is my longest lasting trait. It's also the most realistic approach to life. Negativity is the clearest lens to view reality and that's why I'm proud of it.
Click to expand...

Thanks for explaining your thought process. I wanted to better understand.

Do you prefer reading the negative stuff rather than positive stuff here?

Bill Bauer said:
Before T, I had been using my treadmill almost every day for about a year and a half. I would walk fast (3.5-4.5 miles per hour) for an hour. It never got addictive. I felt miserable about having to do it before, during, and after.
Click to expand...

Wow. The opposite for me. I run every day to get away from the fricking screaming in my head. It takes me away from the focus on my brain. When I first got tinnitus and I was running on the beach path - I didn't think about how far I was going. I just didn't want to stop. I passed my usual point to turn around at the pier and didn't remember passing it. It was an eight mile run back.

A lot of people don't like to exercise so that is normal also.
 
#24
Starthrower said:
Thanks for explaining your thought process. I wanted to better understand.

Do you prefer reading the negative stuff rather than positive stuff here?



Wow. The opposite for me. I run every day to get away from the fricking screaming in my head. It takes me away from the focus on my brain. When I first got tinnitus and I was running on the beach path - I didn't think about how far I was going. I just didn't want to stop. I passed my usual point to turn around at the pier and didn't remember passing it. It was an eight mile run back.

A lot of people don't like to exercise so that is normal also.
Click to expand...
Hey. I prefer positive stuff, but about fixing tinnitus mostly.
 
#25
Bill Bauer said:
I would walk fast (3.5-4.5 miles per hour) for an hour.
Click to expand...
Hmmm, this is great. I realize now after bragging about my running that years later I have cervical spondylosis, which is nothing to brag about (n). Just sit on the couch and watch the video Bill, your bones will appreciate it...lol
 
#26
Sonic17 said:
I have cervical spondylosis
Click to expand...
It is not necessarily the result of you running...

I have a bad knee that would begin hurting whenever I tried to run...

Running 21 km in 90 minutes is incredible. At first I couldn't believe my eyes, but then the math made sense.

I was in such a good shape the day before my acoustic trauma. I lost a lot of weight and was able to keep it off for years. I regained a lot of it during the past year. Back then, I was able to use my will power to exercise almost daily. I am not sure I will be able to ever get back to the way I was just a year ago (and I am not even talking about tinnitus)...
 

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