Hello folks. Over the past couple years I've come and gone on these boards. A few months back I was going to come post in the Success Stories because a miracle occurred in my life. Unfortunately, that miracle has been undone and I find myself in a state of crisis.
I've told my story before so will just put the highlights here:
After the increase in Fall 2013 I had essentially resigned myself to say that my life is over. I am doomed to live a mediocre life full of suffering. I got into and stayed in a very toxic relationship because I didn't think I could have a "normal" or healthy one.
Around November 2014 something interesting happened. I had just been going along living my life, constantly suffering from tinnitus. I was on these boards posting about trying Potiga or other drugs. But then something "clicked". My tinnitus was still there, but it no longer bothered me. I was ecstatic. I had been given a second chance. My life had been returned to me. There had been no changes in medication at this time. It just happened.
The next few months were some of the happiest of my life. I was doing things I had procrastinated for years because of my tinnitus and depression. Getting out of bed in the morning was no longer a battle. In retrospect, this may have been a hypomanic episode, given my possible bipolarity. Things got a little too good, and eventually came crashing down. I expected my tinnitus to become an issue again, but it didn't.
I wallowed along, depressed from March of this year onward, and finally caved to try another medication from my psychiatrist. She gave me Tegretol, and after taking it for ONLY TWO DAYS my tinnitus came back with a vengeance. I went off the drug but the tinnitus stayed. 5 or 6 weeks later, after seeing another psychiatrist, I again caved and started taking Latuda. I've been on it for 6 weeks now and have finally seen an increase in my mood, after being in the trenches of a dark depression for almost six months.
Over the past few weeks I have been feeling better, but my tinnitus is ruling my life. It is present 24/7 and I am in a constant state of crisis. My psychiatrist says, "It got better before, it will get better again." But I don't really believe that. And I don't think it has ever been this bad. I don't know if I am noticing it more because there is less depression or if the Latuda has made it worse or both. I am clearly very sensitive to psychiatric drugs but also severely suffer from depression.
The past few days have been nothing short of crisis. I don't know what to do. I called my psychiatrist but what can she really do? I could walk into a hospital, but what are they going to do? Possibly hold me against my will and give me more meds. Or just tell me to go home and deal with it. I self-medicate with alcohol, but I don't even want to do that. I just want my life back.
My experience is like a person who went blind, regained their vision, and then went blind again. After having tasted how sweet life can be when given a second chance. I am so angry at myself for agreeing to go on Tegretol when it is in the same class as Lamictal, which fucked me up in the first place. I really don't know what to do. I am in a true state of crisis and I don't think that anyone can help me. Psychiatric meds have ruined my life, and I don't know if I can go on.
I've told my story before so will just put the highlights here:
- Male, 30 years old, United States
- Major depressive episode in Fall 2008 - prescribed Wellbutrin, which induced moderate unilateral tinnitus
- 5 more major depressive episodes between 2008 and 2013. In Fall 2013 diagnosed possibly Bipolar II, prescribed Lamictal. Tinnitus skyrocketed after only 2 weeks.
After the increase in Fall 2013 I had essentially resigned myself to say that my life is over. I am doomed to live a mediocre life full of suffering. I got into and stayed in a very toxic relationship because I didn't think I could have a "normal" or healthy one.
Around November 2014 something interesting happened. I had just been going along living my life, constantly suffering from tinnitus. I was on these boards posting about trying Potiga or other drugs. But then something "clicked". My tinnitus was still there, but it no longer bothered me. I was ecstatic. I had been given a second chance. My life had been returned to me. There had been no changes in medication at this time. It just happened.
The next few months were some of the happiest of my life. I was doing things I had procrastinated for years because of my tinnitus and depression. Getting out of bed in the morning was no longer a battle. In retrospect, this may have been a hypomanic episode, given my possible bipolarity. Things got a little too good, and eventually came crashing down. I expected my tinnitus to become an issue again, but it didn't.
I wallowed along, depressed from March of this year onward, and finally caved to try another medication from my psychiatrist. She gave me Tegretol, and after taking it for ONLY TWO DAYS my tinnitus came back with a vengeance. I went off the drug but the tinnitus stayed. 5 or 6 weeks later, after seeing another psychiatrist, I again caved and started taking Latuda. I've been on it for 6 weeks now and have finally seen an increase in my mood, after being in the trenches of a dark depression for almost six months.
Over the past few weeks I have been feeling better, but my tinnitus is ruling my life. It is present 24/7 and I am in a constant state of crisis. My psychiatrist says, "It got better before, it will get better again." But I don't really believe that. And I don't think it has ever been this bad. I don't know if I am noticing it more because there is less depression or if the Latuda has made it worse or both. I am clearly very sensitive to psychiatric drugs but also severely suffer from depression.
The past few days have been nothing short of crisis. I don't know what to do. I called my psychiatrist but what can she really do? I could walk into a hospital, but what are they going to do? Possibly hold me against my will and give me more meds. Or just tell me to go home and deal with it. I self-medicate with alcohol, but I don't even want to do that. I just want my life back.
My experience is like a person who went blind, regained their vision, and then went blind again. After having tasted how sweet life can be when given a second chance. I am so angry at myself for agreeing to go on Tegretol when it is in the same class as Lamictal, which fucked me up in the first place. I really don't know what to do. I am in a true state of crisis and I don't think that anyone can help me. Psychiatric meds have ruined my life, and I don't know if I can go on.
Member
