Just Keeps Getting Worse and Worse :(

[Karl28]

So I've had Tinnitus for a long time now.

Ever since 2001 when I got it from listening to music via headphones too loudly.
I was so stupid at the time.
I remember maybe 2 or 3 times after I was done with the music hearing the ringing and thinking "Oh whats that? thats weird" but then it would go away. Then one time it didn't and I was stuck with it forever. Wtf was wrong with me why didn't I see the warnings and stop using it after the first time?

However it was always pretty mild and it didn't bother me until 2014 when I had a bad increase after a cold and antibiotics. It took a few months but I managed to get over that increase and get back to my normal level however it left with with a second ringing noise in my left ear but the weird thing was I only heard it when I laid down in bed to sleep. Never during the day or even with earplugs in so it wasn't a big deal.

Then this year 2015 was the bad one.

About 4 months ago I had yet another cold but it was a weird one. I had all this pressure in my ears for almost a week due to the stuffed up cold feeling and I couldn't pop my ears unless I forced it hard which gave relief. It eventually resolved it self but left me with my right ear much worse with a new ringing noise that's much louder and high pitched which has been really hard to deal with.

It's gradually gotten a tiny bit better but it's still bad and never went back to normal.
I think about 5 weeks into that spike it actually started to go away and I had a chance to fully and finally get over it but due to some unlucky noise exposure I lost all that progress and it got locked into place.

And now this week for no reason my left ear has gotten worse so now it's like that spike I had from 2014 which would only appear in that ear in bed I now hear all the time during the day which I suppose was only a matter of time.

It's really hard to live and while its not super loud but it's the cutting high pitch whine of it that makes it bad.

I think this is maximum worse its going to get now and it's pretty devastating.

I'm upset all the time and it's putting alot of stress on my mum.

Last night I was having trouble sleeping, tossing and turning and was moaning and saying things to myself things like "damn it" "ah shit fuck this" etc.. and apparently my mum was awake at the same time, came out and was standing outside my bedroom door and got upset hearing me have so much trouble sleeping. The next day she mentioned me having a bad night which I asked how she knew and she told me she could hear me which crushed me and made me very upset.

When I sleep now since I had this 2015 spike in my right ear I've pretty much slept on that right ear on the pillow the whole time now. Something about being on the otherside makes it worse and sleeping on it kinda blends into my normal tinnitus and makes it not a problem. But now since my other ear is gone bad sleep has become a real problem as it's just so high pitched.

I really just feel like just killing myself already as it's been bad the past few months but I've been just hanging in there but now my left ear has gone to shit which I couldn't believe my luck. I finished up my last job around August the same time as my cold which started all this 2015 hell and haven't worked since. I had lined up a few interviews which I canceled as I just can't work at the moment.

So I really don't know where to go from here. This left ear getting like this just feels like the tipping point for me.

 

[Michael Leigh]

So I really don't know where to go from here. This left ear getting like this just feels like the tipping point for me.

Hi Karl,
Sorry to hear about the distress that your tinnitus is causing you. Headphones caused my tinnitus too so I know what you're going through. However, there are things that you can do and hopefully things will improve. If you haven't been seen at ENT then asked your GP to refer you so that you can be examined. My advice is not to listen to any type of audio through headphones even at low volume - I would go as far and say: never listen to headphones again. I haven't.

Try to avoid quiet rooms and surroundings especially at night. Use a sound machine by the bedside. You might find the articles in the links below helpful, just click on them.

You really need to be under the care of an ENT department and be seen by a Hearing Therapist that may suggest wearing white noise generators, which will help the tinnitus and probably hyperacusis (sensitivity to sound) as I have a feeling you might have that. However, you need to be examined first.

Best of luck
Michael

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/an-introduction-to-tinnitus.12100/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/sound-machines-and-tinnitus.12072/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/intrusive-tinnitus.12172/

 

[MidnightOilAudio]

Hi Karl, I think a lot of us here can relate to how you're feeling. I have no way of getting inside your head and listening to your tinnitus (obviously), but from your description, it sounds like your T is on par with a lot of people's here (myself included). I think your original T was very mild (you stated you could only hear it at night) and so this increase is particularly distressing to you. My T started just how your current T is. It started with a cold/sinus infection. I thought my life was over. I had suicidal thoughts. I just couldn't imagine a life where this would be OK. I remember breaking down during my little girls 3rd birthday party, feeling so sorry for myself.

But time is a magical thing. I don't buy into the "time heals all wounds" thing, but it certainly smooths them over. Your brain WILL adapt to your T increase, it just needs time. As wonderful as our brains are, they're not designed to quickly adapt to new stimulii. They find them very distressing, and as they should, as a survival mechanism.

I know that nothing I am writing here will make your pain go away, just know that even in your darkest moments where you feel completely alone and giving up - I guarantee you 100% that there have been millions of people currently and throughout history that felt EXACTLY as you do in that moment, but managed to persevere and fight on. This is my wish for you. The end to suffering is not one magical instant - but rather a resolve keep going DESPITE the suffering.

Please feel free to message me if you are feeling particularly down. I would be more than happy to give you my personal contact info so that you can speak directly with someone who has gone through exactly what you are feeling and has come out the other side. You are not alone.

 

[billie48]

Sorry about your suffering Karl. I know how a high pitch T can traumatize new T sufferers. I was one of them. My T is an ultra high pitch dog whistle with such condensed pitch energy that it cuts through most noises. I could even hear it above the all encompassing jet noise around me in the last two flights, and above the raging rapids of the salmon river I fish. Once I played an audio clip matching my T pitch to the family who asked how high was the pitch, and instantly everyone screamed, covered their ears and ran away from me. So while I don't know if my T is of the worst kind, it definitely has a pitch normal person cannot take without some shocking experience. Then as if that wasn't bad enough, severe hyperacusis also joined in the misery, turning all normal sounds piercingly hurtful, as if the ears got drilled to create an unbearable sensations.

My T & H were mutually exclusive. I tried to wear ear plugs all the time to protect the H, but that blocked all normal outside masking sounds, leaving the ultra high pitch shrill so unbearably dominant. But if I didn't wear ear plugs, every normal sound just killed my ears. How do you choose between these two alien, mutually exclusive monsters of my life? Worst, T & H also opened the floodgate of hell of relentless anxiety and panic attacks daily, being that I had suffered anxiety and panic disorder for decades prior to the arrival of T & H. Yes, often, the big 'S' word was dangling in front of my tired and stressed out brain, when it saw no way out of the dark tunnel. I though I would never survive that kind of suffering.

But never say never, particularly for a young guy like you. Today, I live a normal and absolutely enjoyable life, living it abundantly. I wrote my success story a while back, like many members do. I mention many important points for my recovery. If you have the time, check these two stories out:

My story:
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...w-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/

The most read success story 'Back to Silence' with a simple effective strategy by IWLM:
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/back-to-silence.7172/

People do get better over time, particularly if they have some strategies or methods effective for their situations. You should read up the success stories to learn some insights/strategies and to give you some hope for the future. Try masking your T, especially for sleep. I had to do full masking the whole day during my worst time. I used a sound machine (from Walmart) for bed time, an ipod for on-the-go, and PC speakers for work or at home. You can try these nice masking sounds also for PC :

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/audioplayer/
http://www.peterhirschberg.com/mysoftware.html
http://mynoise.net/NoiseMachines/rainNoiseGenerator.php

And if you need DIY notched Acoustic Coordinated Reset Neuromodulation (ACRN):
http://www.tinnitus.org.uk/acoustic-cr-neuromodulation
http://www.generalfuzz.net/acrn/

You need to give your T some time to settle down. Don't panic and don't despair. You are still young and there will be the good life waiting for you. Either your T will fade like before, or you will habituate to it like many of us. Hang in there. You will get better. Believe it and stay positive. Take good care & God bless.

 

[Gosia]

Does it change or it's always as bad ? Have you tried any soft meds, like magnesium at least ? Vitamins ? Stuff that can improve blood circulation in the brain ? Melatonine and hydroxizine for sleeping ( but not benzos !) . I ''knock myself down' with good quality herbs like melissa or lime tree- after a few weeks and if good quality one this stuff really helps me sleep, even though I never know what my night will be like. I can never be sure if I'll sleep . But magnesium and melissa + melatonine often calms down the noise to a bearable level. Lately I discovered that theanine seriously calms it down. So seriously I'm afraid to take a lot of it, cause it must influence brain quite strongly. Still, better theanine than trobalt What else can I say..I hope for you it will settle back down..as I hope for myself. After 8 months I have many quite better days than any of them in the past, so who knows..in time and being extra careful about hearing I might have achieved some progress. That having said, today it's loud and nasty again, but I count tomorrow it will be better. What was that noise that did you in ?

 

[Zora]

@Karl28 how are you doing nowadays? Did your ears get better or are you getting habituated?