MemberHello All,
I usually post tinnitus updates in my other thread about my circumstances, My Quasi Diary, but I realize this place is probably more suitable. To summarize my scattered thoughts over the years:
I have had tinnitus for nearly five years. My right ear produces a tonal sound, while my left has a somatic hissing. Strange, right?
Over time, my ears have gone through ups and downs, good periods, setbacks, bad periods, and slow recoveries. I am careful not to take unnecessary risks and try to stay cautious where I can, but sometimes life is unavoidable and spikes happen. My baseline is around 3/10 to 4/10, and on some quiet nights, I even get down to 2/10, which feels like progress. Right now, I am at 5/10 because of using mold remover (which, being toxic, quite logically caused a spike). But I am confident it will settle.
In any case, my overriding goal is to live a life worth living without being reckless.
Spikes are inevitable, but they happen because of my natural desire to lead as normal a life as possible. I know the risks. I am fully informed. But I refuse to live as a hermit; my soul simply will not allow it. That said, I manage the spikes carefully when they occur. I do not take foolish risks (no clubs, movies, concerts, etc.), but attending an old friend's wedding? Yes, I will take that risk.
I salsa dance, do improv comedy in London, act in plays, play acoustic guitar (with a side of wailing), have a full time job, go to the gym, date, and spend time with friends, all while living with tinnitus. I am also renovating an old motorhome to travel across Europe this summer. You have to embrace the wins where you can.
This all might sound wonderful, but there are challenging moments in these pursuits, moments that spike my tinnitus and make me question whether they are worth it. But in those moments, I remind myself that the joy, purpose, and happiness I find in these activities far outweigh the cost. That is why we live. In my mind, the price is worth paying, even knowing the risks, having read countless anecdotes on this forum.
With this understanding, my often failing motto is to kick life in the teeth. I do not manage it every day. Just recently, the mold remover spike ruined my day, and I stayed indoors, abandoning my plans. But I still managed to do some writing, and it was not so bad. Tomorrow, next week, and next month will be better.
Here is my perspective: a truly normal life may not be possible for everyone with this condition. For some (not all), tinnitus is too life altering to believe you can return to square one. But a liveable life? That is within reach for most.
This is not advice to "live as if nothing is wrong." It is advice to live a life, with precautions, yes, but do not forget to actually live. After all, we are all dying anyway. This condition pushes you to unimaginable depths. We walk a fine line between life and death every day, and the closer you come to the edge, the more you start to see the beauty in the garden's flowers.
To anyone reading this: stay strong and hang in there. Things can and will get better. I have managed this condition for nearly five years. I am not living a normal life by any stretch, but who really is? The point is, I am living a life, and for most of us, a liveable life is within reach. Even if it is not forever, it is worth it. After all, who lives a life indefinitely anyway? Just do not take foolish risks, manage your condition carefully, and, in most cases, things will improve.
Ramble over. Now, get back to living.
Wishing you all well,
Sam
I usually post tinnitus updates in my other thread about my circumstances, My Quasi Diary, but I realize this place is probably more suitable. To summarize my scattered thoughts over the years:
I have had tinnitus for nearly five years. My right ear produces a tonal sound, while my left has a somatic hissing. Strange, right?
Over time, my ears have gone through ups and downs, good periods, setbacks, bad periods, and slow recoveries. I am careful not to take unnecessary risks and try to stay cautious where I can, but sometimes life is unavoidable and spikes happen. My baseline is around 3/10 to 4/10, and on some quiet nights, I even get down to 2/10, which feels like progress. Right now, I am at 5/10 because of using mold remover (which, being toxic, quite logically caused a spike). But I am confident it will settle.
In any case, my overriding goal is to live a life worth living without being reckless.
Spikes are inevitable, but they happen because of my natural desire to lead as normal a life as possible. I know the risks. I am fully informed. But I refuse to live as a hermit; my soul simply will not allow it. That said, I manage the spikes carefully when they occur. I do not take foolish risks (no clubs, movies, concerts, etc.), but attending an old friend's wedding? Yes, I will take that risk.
I salsa dance, do improv comedy in London, act in plays, play acoustic guitar (with a side of wailing), have a full time job, go to the gym, date, and spend time with friends, all while living with tinnitus. I am also renovating an old motorhome to travel across Europe this summer. You have to embrace the wins where you can.
This all might sound wonderful, but there are challenging moments in these pursuits, moments that spike my tinnitus and make me question whether they are worth it. But in those moments, I remind myself that the joy, purpose, and happiness I find in these activities far outweigh the cost. That is why we live. In my mind, the price is worth paying, even knowing the risks, having read countless anecdotes on this forum.
With this understanding, my often failing motto is to kick life in the teeth. I do not manage it every day. Just recently, the mold remover spike ruined my day, and I stayed indoors, abandoning my plans. But I still managed to do some writing, and it was not so bad. Tomorrow, next week, and next month will be better.
Here is my perspective: a truly normal life may not be possible for everyone with this condition. For some (not all), tinnitus is too life altering to believe you can return to square one. But a liveable life? That is within reach for most.
This is not advice to "live as if nothing is wrong." It is advice to live a life, with precautions, yes, but do not forget to actually live. After all, we are all dying anyway. This condition pushes you to unimaginable depths. We walk a fine line between life and death every day, and the closer you come to the edge, the more you start to see the beauty in the garden's flowers.
To anyone reading this: stay strong and hang in there. Things can and will get better. I have managed this condition for nearly five years. I am not living a normal life by any stretch, but who really is? The point is, I am living a life, and for most of us, a liveable life is within reach. Even if it is not forever, it is worth it. After all, who lives a life indefinitely anyway? Just do not take foolish risks, manage your condition carefully, and, in most cases, things will improve.
Ramble over. Now, get back to living.
Wishing you all well,
Sam
