Hello,
First of all I want to say I love this community. I'm constantly impressed and inspired by the knowledge and empathy shared in these threads.
A bit about me...
I've been a full time music producer/composer for almost four years now.
I had a concussion last August that gave me temporary mild tinnitus in my left ear (the side I hit my head on). By November 2019 it was gone, I don't even remember thinking about it or noticing any ringing for months.
Fast forward to February 2020, a series of unfortunate events took place. I started taking Wellbutrin (what a mistake) for my chronic depression and a few weeks later I had a dentist cleaning.
When I was walking to my car to drive to my dentist appointment there were construction workers cutting down a tree right next to my car. I rushed to get in my car and attempted to plug my ears but the sound was so incredibly loud.
The dentist cleaning drill absolutely terrorized me that day. I've had cleanings my whole life and never had the drill bother me this much. It actually made my eyes water to the point the hygienist switched to manual tools (I wish I knew about this beforehand). I actually need to get a filling replaced, but I'm obviously terrified and have been avoiding going. I know they will need to use drill. I wish they could just put me under anesthesia.
My tinnitus is super high pitched ringing in the left ear mostly and is at it's peak in the afternoons and evenings.
It was traumatic month. I quit Wellbutrin immediately and switched to Trazodone for sleep.
I got my earwax cleaned out (no effect), saw an ENT and got my hearing checked (average results outside of some high frequency dips in left ear). ENT prescribed my betahistine but I noticed no improvement (only been 30 days of taking it but debating stopping).
I broke down and cried in the ENT office. All she did was tell me to get $4000 tinnitus masking hearing aids. I don't have the money for that and from browsing on here, it seems unclear if it's worth it.
I worry I'll never have a high quality of life, that I'll have to stop doing what I love, that I'll have to move somewhere else (LA is so loud).
Quitting coffee and THC/CBD has been tough, those were two big sources of joy in my life. I'm still holding out hope I can introduce coffee again down the road.
I've been ordering every supplement that may help. So far nothing really seems to be working. I've started online therapy to try CBT but it's been a slow process. I've slept with white noise machines for years already (I used to have loud roommates).
Like almost everyone, the pandemic has added so much stress to my life. I know it's amplifying my tinnitus. I've never been under such stress and anxiety in my life.
My usual clients are almost all on hiatus until the lockdown is over, so money stress is bad as well.
The few gigs I do get, I've had to turn down cause my tinnitus was too distracting and I didn't want to aggravate it.
The most painful part of this is feeling like I'm losing my career, I've worked so hard to get to where I am now that the thought of it being ripped away from me is devastating. Things were just starting to take off for me. My current goal is to try to start writing again cautiously, without headphones, at a low volume.
I have no plan B. I put everything into a music career.
I really want to be a story of hope and recovery, but right now I'm lost and alone.
I wish this pandemic would be over so I can at least go see my family.
I'd love to get some feedback on my story if anyone's up for it. Maybe there's positives I'm missing.
Thank you for reading.
First of all I want to say I love this community. I'm constantly impressed and inspired by the knowledge and empathy shared in these threads.
A bit about me...
I've been a full time music producer/composer for almost four years now.
I had a concussion last August that gave me temporary mild tinnitus in my left ear (the side I hit my head on). By November 2019 it was gone, I don't even remember thinking about it or noticing any ringing for months.
Fast forward to February 2020, a series of unfortunate events took place. I started taking Wellbutrin (what a mistake) for my chronic depression and a few weeks later I had a dentist cleaning.
When I was walking to my car to drive to my dentist appointment there were construction workers cutting down a tree right next to my car. I rushed to get in my car and attempted to plug my ears but the sound was so incredibly loud.
The dentist cleaning drill absolutely terrorized me that day. I've had cleanings my whole life and never had the drill bother me this much. It actually made my eyes water to the point the hygienist switched to manual tools (I wish I knew about this beforehand). I actually need to get a filling replaced, but I'm obviously terrified and have been avoiding going. I know they will need to use drill. I wish they could just put me under anesthesia.
My tinnitus is super high pitched ringing in the left ear mostly and is at it's peak in the afternoons and evenings.
It was traumatic month. I quit Wellbutrin immediately and switched to Trazodone for sleep.
I got my earwax cleaned out (no effect), saw an ENT and got my hearing checked (average results outside of some high frequency dips in left ear). ENT prescribed my betahistine but I noticed no improvement (only been 30 days of taking it but debating stopping).
I broke down and cried in the ENT office. All she did was tell me to get $4000 tinnitus masking hearing aids. I don't have the money for that and from browsing on here, it seems unclear if it's worth it.
I worry I'll never have a high quality of life, that I'll have to stop doing what I love, that I'll have to move somewhere else (LA is so loud).
Quitting coffee and THC/CBD has been tough, those were two big sources of joy in my life. I'm still holding out hope I can introduce coffee again down the road.
I've been ordering every supplement that may help. So far nothing really seems to be working. I've started online therapy to try CBT but it's been a slow process. I've slept with white noise machines for years already (I used to have loud roommates).
Like almost everyone, the pandemic has added so much stress to my life. I know it's amplifying my tinnitus. I've never been under such stress and anxiety in my life.
My usual clients are almost all on hiatus until the lockdown is over, so money stress is bad as well.
The few gigs I do get, I've had to turn down cause my tinnitus was too distracting and I didn't want to aggravate it.
The most painful part of this is feeling like I'm losing my career, I've worked so hard to get to where I am now that the thought of it being ripped away from me is devastating. Things were just starting to take off for me. My current goal is to try to start writing again cautiously, without headphones, at a low volume.
I have no plan B. I put everything into a music career.
I really want to be a story of hope and recovery, but right now I'm lost and alone.
I wish this pandemic would be over so I can at least go see my family.
I'd love to get some feedback on my story if anyone's up for it. Maybe there's positives I'm missing.
Thank you for reading.