Need advice :(

[ColoredRed]

Hi
I'm a male in mid-twenties. My tinnitus started October 2012 and it's mild and also very mild hearing loss at 8khz.
I have had chronic depression since age 17. this is something like 7 years of depression. Most of the time the depression is mild.. but the effect is accumulative. I can't enjoy things I used to enjoy like computer games and going to the beach. I'm feeling like I can't meet my life goals, I'm feeling real stuck right now. I feel no real willing to live anymore. I'm feeling suicidal as well although Im probably too afraid to commit suicide and still think I have hope to recover. But if someone were to tell me "Your'e going to live like this for the next 10 years" then yes I would commit suicide.
Only lately I've managed to begin working and acquire money. I'm using this money for a psychologist. Im now 3-4 months into a first psychological treatment and I'm feeling like it's not yet helping me.
Im also considering using psychiatric medications. before I use something I tend to search on it in the internet. And I have discovered 99% of the psychiatric medications are ototoxic according to Nail Bauman's "Ototoxic drugs exposed" author. I am skeptic of doctors and skeptic of this "Nail" too since he is an Astronomer in his profession, not even an ENT.
I've been to many top-class doctors in my country and have spent great deal of money to ask the appropriate questions about psychiatric medications and ototoxicity. The overall answer I got is : psychiatric drugs can cause tinnitus rarely but it's always temporary. except one ENT professor who specializes in tinnitus, who said : "On all the cases I've encountered and I know of it's temporary, but I'm sure there are rare cases where it's permanent".
My psychologist urges me to take Lexapro. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm confused. I'm taking right now "St john's wort" which is a herbal psychiatric medication supposed to help with mild to moderate depression. But there is a research where it didn't help chronic depression (my depression). I've tried to take that for 3.5 weeks and no effect. I've started double dosage now of St jonh's wort.
The st john's wort drug also increased my tinnitus at the first time and when I upped my dose. this effect however was temporary I think.. (however I'm not really sure)
I'm really confused, and impatient and tired. I've really lost most joy in life. I'm also suspicious that this "St john's wort" drug is making me restless which doubles the depression for me. In the recent days I've been at my worst state of mind. I've started to lose patience in work and for some reason I see it as dull, and I cant seem to enjoy work anymore and I need a lot of breaks lately (for 1.5 last weeks).
For me this depression and anxiety, lonelyness, seems like not a "minor" thing.. I cant imagine living this life much longer at this condition.
I have now several choices. I want to avoid ototoxic drugs as hard as I can, but I'm losing patience and I had to fight in order to keep working at my job the last week.
I have several options in order to avoid ototoxic drugs. I was offered as first option "Lexapro" drug..
1) Change drug to "Remeron" (seems like it's causing temporary hearing loss but not tinnitus)
2) Change drug to whatever Nail bauman is recommending as "class 1 risk"
3) Try other brand of St john's wort before trying ototoxic psychiatric drugs
4) Change psychologist before trying ototoxic psychiatric drugs
5) Perform rTMS treatment (costs 3000$) before trying otototxic psychiatric medication

I can also queue all of these into one long attempt before trying ototoxic psychiatric medication, but I might lose my patience until then..

and there's the last option, option X, which is :
X) forget all about {Nail Bauman and ototoxic internet reports} and do whatever the {psychologist, 1 ENT, 1 ENT professor, 1 ENT professor, 1 psychiatrist, 1 psychiatrist professor, 1 psychiatrist professor, 1 neurologist professor} are telling me, that they don't know of permanent tinnitus as a result of Lexapro. I didn't ask them about Lexapro induced hearing loss though.

What should I do?..

 

[JayD]

Hi ColoredRed,
Hang in there, you never know when things will turn for the better. And I am sure they will. I can not answer your questions but can offer you what I did. When I was really down I took drug called Lexaurin, it is Bromazepam. I used to live in Europe and that's what they gave me. I took quarter of the daily dose in the morning, quarter in the afternoon and half at night. It helped me greatly with anxiety in the first months after onset of T. I also took 15mg Mirtazapine (Remeron in the US) half of the recommended dose of 30mg a few times and I think it helped me too to cary on. The ototoxicity of Benzos and Mirtazapine specially has been talked about in this posting "An introduction from a silent reader". I think it is believed that Mirtazapine is one of the safetest SSRI drugs regarding ototoxicity. However, as Markku points out there can be an exeption. I tend to always take only half of the prescribed dosage and see what's happening. If it's helping I stick with half if not I may increase the dosage to what was prescribed. I can tell you I have been suffering with depression for many years as well and it may be a key causal component of my T. I know Bromazepam and Mirtazapine worked for me. But I didn't take them for a long time. It has been 4 months from my onset and I don't take them anymore, but I have them close by just in case. I have also taken St. Johns wort and Valerian root. The important thing is to control the anxiety and the impatience that comes with it. We are all in one boat and together we can overcome it. Hope you feel better.
Jay

 

[yonkapin]

Don't have much experience with SSRI's or ADs but have you tried 5htp?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/5-Hydroxytryptophan

I've used it on and off over the past few years and it definitely works for me. I used it mostly to recover after some heavy partying sessions. If you do take it don't mix it wit hthe St John Wort or any other SSRI/MAOI though! Check it out, no ototoxicity either!

 

[ColoredRed]

wow, today was terrible for me! Im lying on the bed and doing nothing, I have no energy to do things, feeling like fading away.. Im feeling suicidal, but I know that I still have little hope for my life to get out of this condition, and I won't have the mental strength or courage to commit suicide..
It just makes me hopeless knowing that I either must :
A) remain in this condition
B) take anti-depressant drugs, which because of them I would get hearing loss for my entire life and get tinnitus that will be incapable of living

 

[Carlo]

wow, today was terrible for me! Im lying on the bed and doing nothing, I have no energy to do things, feeling like fading away.. Im feeling suicidal, but I know that I still have little hope for my life to get out of this condition, and I won't have the mental strength or courage to commit suicide..
It just makes me hopeless knowing that I either must :
A) remain in this condition
B) take anti-depressant drugs, which because of them I would get hearing loss for my entire life and get tinnitus that will be incapable of living

ColoredRed,
you should get help from your doctor and follow his/her advices. My experience with anti-depressant: several years before the onset of my T I had a course of escitalopram (9 months), and it worked very well. In the main time you need help to control your anxiety. Doctors told me it's really very rare these kind of drugs can give hearing loss or T, anyway there are many medicines between you can choose, discussing with your doctor. If you take a look to the information pamphlet for aspirine, at least in my country, between the side effects you can read death too!
I am sure the threatment will help you to have back your energy and you'll see, you'll feel better with your T.
You can overcome. I strongly hope you'll feel better soon.
Carlo

 

[frohike]

B) take anti-depressant drugs, which because of them I would get hearing loss for my entire life and get tinnitus that will be incapable of living

This is a silly thought. It's like, oh, I wouldn't try peanuts, I heard of a guy who died from an allergic reaction. Can it happen? yes, is it likely? no. Bruce Lee died from an allergic reaction to a muscle relaxant that continued to be sold until 2012. From 20 to 30 y/o I used the maximum daily dose of NSAIDs for weeks on and off by medical prescription. I even had to check my liver to see if I was tolerating the medication. My ears were perfectly fine until I suffered repeated acoustic trauma.

Do you think that they would sell anti-depressant if there was a significant chance of hearing loss? I was depressed for a year at 20 and I know how it is to lose the joy for life. The thought of making your bed daily is like climbing a mountain because you lack the motivation that normal people has but doesn't notice, the joy of life.

Your priorities are wrong. Try the anti-depressants and stop freaking out.

 

[Sherri786]

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through ColoredRed, T is a darn confusing thing, and doctors are all ignorant about it.
Hope you're feeling better , hang in there.

 

[ColoredRed]

Thanks all of you
I am more confident about taking anti depressants. But it seems like I have not much choise here : lately every second I'm feeling in a struggle and I can't really function at work anymore (don't know if it's st john's wort effect) due to anxiety and nervousness.
today I've had to make private phone calls in work to places where they are busy and don't really answer 90% of the time, and I felt so anxious doing this and for them to not answer me. I've never felt this kind of extreme. something's definetly wrong.
I'm feeling nervous and anxious about everything, and this is because I have no clear path. I can't decide what I want to do because of this risky business. And if I won't do it I'm afraid I will be depressed all my life. My psychologist says that if I won't take the anti-depressants things will deteriorate and will only get worse. And if somehow I'll lose my hearing and get tinnitus life would be unbearable. they already are.
in sunday I've had a feeling like I have nothing to continue going on for and I've had tears in my eyes a lot. but in monday that feeling decreased a lot and I felt better today.

 

[Relic Hunter]

I suffer from depression and anxiety and tinnitus. Years ago the depression was so bad I ended up in a mental hospital and off work for some time. I know exactly how you feel and no one will understand the depression or tinnitus unless they have experienced either.

I took anti-depressants before I could spell tinnitus. I did not know at that time they could have as JUST ONE of their side effects as tinnitus. They did not cause my tinnitus as it developed years later.

The bottom line is me must do what we must do. I must now take antidepressants. I take REMERON. The reason that I take REMERON is that has a very low record of producing tinnitus. I do not know any of the other side effects of this drug but I am sure there are many. It is just I am worried more about my tinnitus than the fact that this drug may cause me to have a stroke, heart attack, or just destroy my liver.

Yes there is a risk in taking the anti's. No use in denying that but the risk is small and HOPEFULLY the reward will out measure the risk.