Not Coping at All

[Tim Hogan]

Its been 6 Months now and im not coping at all, every day is pure torture.


I really don't want to kill myself because there is a lot of potential in my life , but its being ruined by this relentless noise in my head, every month im leaning towards the final solution.

They say suicide is when pain outweighs coping options, and with no coping options suicide is weighing heavily on the mind.

Im in my final year at university and ontop of trying to stay sane i have loads of work bearing down on me, i find it hard enough to just get through the day let alone do work, and whats frustrating is that its work i would enjoy doing if i didn't have Tinnitus.

Regardless of what seems like an average amount sleep i am always exhausted.

With no sign of treatment in the near future i don't know how much longer i can take.

My family tell me to see another ENT but i tell them its pointless and they wont do anything.

Im heavily against drugs because they just ruin you in the long run, and i couldn't bare it getting any worse from a bad side effect.

CBT or TRT wont work, my Tinnitus is far too intrusive for these to have any effect. The equivalent of someone trying to tell you not to feel pain and have a positive state of mind whilst your arm is being sawed off.

Masking is impossible for 2 reasons.

1. Its reactive so any noise, the Tinnitus will fight against it and become louder.

2. Its non-tonal, a sharp, ear piercing hiss that fluctuates and fills the entire left side of my head, cant find anything to match it.

Getting an MRI is pointless because it was caused by an Acoustic Reflex Test. It didn't come out of the blue.

Every other "Treatment" is insanely expensive or a scam.

People say there will be treatment within 5-10 years... i can barely wait another day let alone 10 years...

Im at my wits end here, its so baffling how there is no treatment for such a horrible condition, i know there is far worse shit out there, but nothing, if Tinnitus is as common as they say then where are few millionaires or 1 billionaire in some random country that can throw money at it.

I guess what is most frustrating is that it wasn't like i was careless, fair enough if i got it from standing next to a concert speaker like a retard then shame on me , but from a fucking Test they do at the ENT... common, some higher force must really hate me.

What do i do when it seems there are no options, willing to try anything within reason...

 

[glynis]

Hi Tim ,
I totally understand what you are going through and know what mental torture it can cause.
I would see your doctor about medication like a anti depressant as their are a few with hardly any side effects like nortryptaline and will help you relax and sleep and feel better in yourself and can help reduce tinnitus like it's cousin Amitryptaline .
I have been to help and back the past few months but it's getting a little better and awaiting hospital appointments .
Have you been seen by audiology regarding white noise generators or hearing aids that might help you ?
CBT helps you focus on better ways to cope with emotions and reactions to problems and tinnitus and works on confidence and building up interests to focus on.

Try not to view your future on how you feel now as you will be feeling better down the line as you find a better way to cope or tinnitus calms down for you.
Amitryptaline and nortryptaline are two AD meds that can help reduce tinnitus for some people ....lots of love glynis

• Tricyclic antidepressants, such as amitriptyline and nortriptyline, have been used with some success. However, these medications are generally used for only severe tinnitus, as they can cause troublesome side effects, including dry mouth, blurred vision, constipation and heart problems.
• Alprazolam (Niravam, Xanax) may help reduce tinnitus symptoms, but side effects can include drowsiness and nausea. It can also become habit-forming

 

[erik]

My T is also very intrusive and usually very loud. I tried everything and spent $1000s in the process. Nothing helped until I tried CBT.

I am not going to say that CBT will help you. It might not. We are all different. I can only tell you what worked for me. Either way if you are at your wits end, what is the harm in trying? You might not be any better off in the end and then again, you might. I went to 2 different people before I found the person who made the difference.

I went to CBT weekly for several months and over 20 visits. Did it help my T and H? No. Because unless the therapist has T themselves, it is hard for them to understand.

However, what CBT did accomplish for me was far more important. It helped me learn to deal with other aspects that my T & H were amplifying and punishing me - my severe panic attacks, stress, anxiety, PTSD and everything else mentally that was affecting my ability to function in this world.

I knew I could not control my T and H and I had to figure out someway to live with it for now or possibly forever. You cannot control your T and H but to a certain extent you can find a way to alleviate the pressure of stress, anxiety, panic or whatever ails your mind. In the end, if you can improve the mind, you will indirectly improve your T whether it changes or not.

In the beginning, I never would have thought that this was remotely possible. Now, looking back 4 years, I still have T blaring, I still have mild H and I don't really give a flying fu**!

 

[michaelbio]

Hey Tim, we have all been through the suicidal idealization tinnitus can bring on, especially when you start projecting into the future. Problem is the more you focus on the horrid sound and monitor it, the more it appears in the forefront. You're not alone in how you feel. I know you can't believe it now, but you will adapt to it. I'm not saying you won't have a few bad days or weeks, but eventually you will adjust.

I have a high pitch piercing tone in my right ear, with a hiss on top. My left ear is a combination of a high pitch sound with a low tone that resembles a hair dryer running in the background from a distance. Some weeks a whistling sound appears, and other weeks it becomes more of a reactive tinnitus situation. Sometimes I get a good three weeks where it reduces greatly for no damn reason and becomes very low.

My tinnitus is a combination of heredity, ear infections as a child and a musician in my teens up to late twenties when I had to stop performing. I'm 34 now.

I think the all or nothing approach is not going to work for you. Drugs don't have to be permanent, and if you need something like klonopin or xanax to take the edge off, which also should reduce the tinnitus, I say F*ck it and try something. See if it works or doesn't work for you.

Have you tried any pink noise to see if it helps? Sometimes white noise can be harsh if the tinnitus is being reactive.

 

[Sam Bridge]

Guess i am a retard for standing down the front at concerts. i didn't know what tinnitus was but yeah i guess im still a retard. Thanks Tim.

 

[Tyler Montgomery]

I know you probably don't want to hear this, but you have to stop with the emo dramatic shit if you actually want to start feeling better. You're not going to kill yourself. You are just frustrated and you're venting. The whole reason you are not getting better is because you are maintaining such an emo and negative outlook on your situation.

Look man, I'm sure your tinnitus sucks. I bet you would pay any amount of money and do just about anything imaginable to get it to go away. But the fact is, no matter how much money you throw at tinnitus or how many doctors your consult, it's not likely that you are going to find a cure.

You are not going to get any better until you stop emoing out and talking about suicide and shit like that. Force your brain to stop thinking about the tinnitus. Accept your life in it's current state and you will eventually see that state as normal.

 

[Owen]

and whats frustrating is that its work i would enjoy doing if i didn't have Tinnitus.

I can totally relate to this. I used to rebuild cars as a hobby, from engine rework, to respraying, but now I can barely be bothered to do basic servicing. It is amazing how much enthusiasm it saps out of you.

I guess what is most frustrating is that it wasn't like i was careless, fair enough if i got it from standing next to a concert speaker like a retard then shame on me , but from a fucking Test they do at the ENT... common, some higher force must really hate me

I am over 2 years since onset and like you, mine was not through some stupid, negligent act on my part. I needed medical treatment for endocrine issues and a failure by the doctors to notice that I suffered an allergic response rendered me with this and I am still angry about it, really @$%*&@$ angry.

However (and I appreciate that this is a cliché), but for me, I just deal with each and every day as it comes and time has made it so much easier for me to cope - not drugs, not TRT or anything else offered by the medical profession, just my emotional strength and time. If you had spoken to me a year ago, I was in a much darker place than I am today, but I generally cope reasonably well most days. When it spikes, it freaks me out and some nights when I just can't sleep, it really gets to me, but I focus on the fact that for a fair percentage of the day, I can distract myself enough to ignore it, but it took a long time to do so. I honestly think for me, around the 18 months to 2 years mark was where I was just starting to get a handle on it.

It feels painful to think about, but give it more time.

 

[Michael Leigh]

CBT or TRT wont work, my Tinnitus is far too intrusive for these to have any effect. The equivalent of someone trying to tell you not to feel pain and have a positive state of mind whilst your arm is being sawed off.

@Tim Hogan You have convinced yourself that TRT or CBT will not work before you have even started either of them. With all due respect, this is not the right approach that you are taking. It is a very negative attitude and is usually caused when someone is in distress with tinnitus as you clearly are. Tinnitus counselling is part of TRT & CBT, will help take away and demystify the negative thinking often associated with tinnitus, and especially for someone in the early stages as you are. Regarding medications/drugs for tinnitus. I don't agree with you and believe they can help a person immensely to cope with tinnitus and they don't necessarily have to be taken long term or in high dosages. With proper monitoring by your Dr I am confident you wouldn't have any problems.

You have only had tinnitus a few months and I can bet if feels like you are living a nightmare. I hope you have a change of heart and go into tinnitus therapy and try medications. I have had tinnitus for 20 years. In 2008, it increased to insurmountable levels and I had TRT for the 2nd time and it helped. However, my tinnitus was much more severe this time, and I had to take clonazepam which helped me. It took me 4 years to habituated the second time around: 2008 - 2012. My tinnitus ranges from complete silence, mild, moderate, severe and very severe. I take clonazepam when it is very severe and usually for just one day.

Give yourself and tinnitus therapy a chance before giving up.
All the best
Michael

 

[MikeA]

Masking is impossible for 2 reasons.

1. Its reactive so any noise, the Tinnitus will fight against it and become louder.

I don't believe that the underlying T is fighting back. It is your limbic system responding to a fear of hearing the T over the ambient sounds. I personally feel that when there is environmental noise around us that it almost as "loud" as our T, we seek out the T sound. And it's easy to hear, because our brain has a very good memory of the sound. I've often heard my T loud, right over another sound, but when the other sound was reduced, my normal T tone was much lower than I'd perceived. I find the severity of my T on a daily/weekly basis is almost completely related to my level of contentment with everything around me, and the quality of my sleep over the past several days. Hope this helps.

 

[volsung37]

Believe it or not you're still very early into this disease. I was totally exausted and suicidal at 6 months in. Something happens to many people in the 6 months to 1 year period. My tinnitus is probably louder now than when it started and it has added a horrible low pulsatile hum to the screeching. However I can usually sleep ok now and when I can't I take phenergan which knocks me out for a night. Stress is a big part of this illness. If your daily life is stressful it will add to your perception of T.
In short find a med you can depend on to help you sleep. Treat it as a short term crutch. Get out in nature - a forest or by the sea and walk mindfully in it. Count breaths, observe nature, anything to break the morbid thought pattern even for a few moments. The next few months should see a marked improvement in how you deal with tinnitus. Good luck