Please Don't Say Anything Like That Things Will Get Better

A

Aschenherz

Member
Author
Mar 31, 2017
99
37
Germany
Tinnitus Since
02/2017 H since 7/2022
Cause of Tinnitus
Unknown
#1
Hello.

This post will lead to harsh criticism. I want to die. Not like "it's hard" or anything like that. I really wanna. My body is a real mess and got me nightsweat, diarrhea etc.

Every time I fight out of it, I fail. Don't have the power to move on.

Couldn't be the kind of guy, who is with people all the time. I really loved silence.

It's getting heavier and heavier to sleep. The exhaustion is killing me, literally.

I read an article of benzo in combination with some malaria-stuff. Problem is, that I don't get so much benzos. Need 1000mg.

Are there sufferer who can send me so much? Really appreciate it.

And yeah, for me the tinnitus is unbearable and will always be.
 
#2
yeah dude this is not the place to be asking for suicide advice, so if you really think you're so messed up and hopeless that you have no other alternatives, you need to get off the internet and get immediately in touch with a qualified and compassionate counselor, psychologist or crisis center. this is a support board to help people learn to live with this condition as richly and fully as possible. if that's not what you want then you're in the wrong place.

http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/international/germany-suicide-hotlines.html
 
#3
My tinnitus is still screeching away, same as it ever has since January... and I'm pretty sure the lack of sleep is making my body fall apart, and though it drives me absolutely bonkers... when I get a tinnitus spike, my heart nearly stops and I have a chill of fear that goes through my body... and yet, I don't want to die. Far from it.
 
#4
@Aschenherz,
I'm sorry you have given up on life and hope you get the help you need.
There is help for sleep loss and that will help you cope better.
You need to admit yourself into hospital and get the support you need if wanting to take your own life as this can be sorted with the right support in place with outside agencies working to support you and a crisis number to ring at home.
You should not have to feel this way , things can work out for you so never give up and a action plan put in place to help you move forward .
Please seek help as we do care on here.

Love glynis
 
#5
You are right, things will not get better ...UNLESS you seek help and try to hold on, even when it hurts like hell. When you fall into a deep, black pit with no hope and there is just utter darkness, it is almost impossible to get out without help. You are in too deep to see it for yourself probably and when the mind is sick, it's too weak to fix the situation.

So the situation is this: tinnitus is unbearable and you want to die. You came here to tell it to us, even when you quite possibly knew this isn't the kind of community that would help you with such destructive plan. That leads me to believe that perhaps in your desperation, there is still a small part of you that yearns for help and support. No one wants to be alone and in pain, so what bad could come of reaching out and speaking to someone? Perhaps your darkest side wants to end it all right now, but could you negotiate a time-out? Give it a go, call a helpline like @linearb suggested. Get an appointment for a therapist and pour your heart out there. If there is a chance, why pass it? You don't have to believe in it right now, but perhaps some time in the future you will see things differently. It does not nullify the pain you are in now and it doesn't mean things get better overnight, but you might get a new perspective and support to choose a path that offers hope.
 
#6
I'm so sorry to hear that your T is such a burden. Please try to seek help with the worst that this condition puts upon us; the anxiety and sleep loss. One these horrible effects can be mitigated, the rest can sometimes be managed, and there is light at the end of the tunnel. I wish you the best, Trebor.
 
#8
@Aschenherz,

I am glad you came here for support as we are hear through good and bad times and desperate times too !
Keep posting for support and take to your doctor how you feel also.

Love glynis
 
#9
Aschenherz said:
Im very sorry for my last post. It's so hard to conquer this condition. sorry for the trouble..
Click to expand...

It is quite alright @Aschenherz, no need to apologize! I'm really sorry you are struggling so bad, since feelings of desperation are absolutely awful. It's probably good that you found a place where to vent them out rather than keep them piled up inside. But since you do get suicidal thoughts and are clearly in distress, I think it is a serious sign that you really do need help and support. So please consider the kind pieces of advice posted here... Would you reach out and call a helpline or get an appointment? That's where it starts and there's nothing to lose from it.
 
#10
I am really sorry you have such a bad time, but I promise it will pass and get better, but the group here is very right. It is time to leave the online support and speak to doctors and psychologists in close to you in real life, stay with people you love, human touch is important we can't do that.. please act even it's a hard way to go, life is precious even it looks hopeless in the moment, you have amazing times in front of you.. Saying this with a 8/10 in my head..a storm but I don't let it push me aside at all.. all the best wishes from India..
Wojtek
 
#11
I was having a couple of real bad days. Fight with the wife, divorce?, couldn't sleep, couldn't eat.
My Parkinson's and Tinnitus acting up, at the same time.

Guy at the grocery store asked me, how ya doing?
I said it could be better. He said it could be worse.
That made me feel better.

Couple days later I got a haircut and a shave. My wife says see, you look better, you'll feel better.
I hope you feel better. @Aschenherz lets all feel better, I need sunny days, helps my mood.
I love to get outside and work in my yard, some projects to do.
 
#12
James said:
Guy at the grocery store asked me, how ya doing?
I said it could be better. He said it could be worse.
That made me feel better.
Click to expand...

Hehe .. next time .. say I am awesome hope you too .. makes him smile .. and if you do that a million times you will believe you are awesome ;) .. neither your parkinson or your tinnitus is something you chose, you can only chose your reaction to it ... fighting with other people is it really worth it? Most times open words do suffice .. and a smile, a hug and say sorry I am not feeling the best but this will change soon ..

just visiting India and looking at the poverty here .. is a totally different story

Hugs from Delhi Wojtek
 
#15
Aschenherz said:
Im in a clinic, but the Sedativa dont work. Have reached an endpoint. Two sleepless nights in follow.. When get i a little Rest from it?
Click to expand...
By time you will be able to get rest, just like most here. In the first weeks after a huge spike, it took me 6 to sometimes 8 hours to fall asleep. Luckily, I had holiday at that time.
 
#16
Finding the right masking sound is an important step here, at least for me. Was a bit difficult with many different tones, but for example app called "White noise" lets user to mix different sounds. For me wind chimes + crickets worked fine until last spike, but will just have to try and find new one. There are also sound pillows on the market, if both ears ring and the ear pressed against pillow is hard to mask. Haven't tried one myself, but seems to make sense.

However, since @Aschenherz is at the moment in a clinic and on medication, I think finding the right balance of meds and getting mental health sorted is the crucial step right now. If you have reached out to experts and are indeed in care, they should be sorting your situation and give you help. Just be open about how you feel and keep telling them what works for you and what doesn't.
 
#17
I have been in your shoes and still am. I have no issues with my level 10 tinnitus in both ears. I live my life, drive my convertible with the roof down and live my life. all of this really depends on the person, it really does. My hearing is poor and thats ok. I use to obsess over my hearing and tinnitus, when I did that, it only took me to a low point and a sadness that was horrible.

I don't care about tinnitus anymore, yes it covers a good amount of my hearing but thats ok, I'll ask people to repeat themselves if i miss something and i miss a lot of words :)

It all comes down to attitude, you either let tinnitus win or YOU win :)
 
#25
@Aschenherz
Sorry about your suffering with tinnitus. Tinnitus shouldn't cause head pressure this bad but the resultant anxiety and stress plus lack of sleep can give you that. Read this and you will understand why.

http://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/signs/head-pressure

So try to separate what tinnitus can do and what your reaction to the new & alien T can affect you. Try take things one at a time and one day at a time during this initial days of darkness. I was like you much when my ultra high pitch T hit me suddenly one night, and then severe hyperacusis joined in the misery. My T was like a dentist drill with 10 times the pitch and H turned all normal sounds soooo loud and piercingly hurtful to the point I couldn't handle even conversation, not even the soft voice of my wife speaking close to me. Sleeplessness, depression and anxiety plus panic attacks and self-withdrawal ruled the initial period. What else can we expect? We are just human and these reactions, including suicide ideations are quite normal for new T sufferers. For me, the initial period was such a dark, dark period with no end in sight. If you want to read the struggle and the subsequent turnaround , you are welcome to check it out. T is a mortal enemy if you allow it. It is a bully but it draws much of its power from our negative emotions. So I learn to play the smart game with this T bully and once I don't supply the fuel to it, it has lost its tyranny and now I live a normal, productive and absolutely enjoyable life with T high or low. Take care. God bless.

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...w-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/
 
#26
Many of us have been where you are now...it will get better, millions live with this condition because it is possible to have a good life with tinnitus and you will do it too.
One foot in front of the other, one day at a time is how I faced it in the beginning. I had therapy in the beginning too, are you getting some help on top of the meds? CBT is very helpful.
 
#28
There will be nothing helping here for you any more, you passed that point in my humble opinion, because you are looking for someone outside to fix your problem. Your help has to come from inside you and from people in real life that are close to you, but most of all from yourself. You have to decide to heal yourself as harsh at it sounds.

All this kind people here try to cheer you up but it seems to not work well. There is probably NO cure for your sound and probably NEVER will be one. But these people here are trying to show you that a great life is possible with whatever sound you have in your ears.

Again the moment you start helping yourself, others help will join in.

I wish you all the best and hopefully you are in good hands.

Sincerely
Wojtek
 

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