Anne-Marie... Thanks so much for replying, and no, no offense taken as I know we all 'present' somewhat differently with T. It's a variable beast.
In relation to your question/point above I would agree with you except for the "body" part! The "why you live like this" is sort of not quite as simple as it sounds, as of course I do not want to live "like this".
I would love to go back to numerous classes at the college, do dance and choreography, go into Starbucks and enjoy a risk free outrageously priced coffee treat, and so on. Who would not want that???
Ummmm, I guess it all boils down to probably two main things (with nuances)...
1.
"And guess what? No increase."
2. It hurts, in the nerves, in my hearing, in my head, or
somewhere in there?!
The above two things make a huge difference compared to 'nothing happening' or no 'reaction' from the T. Can you see that? Can you understand that? It really puzzles me that I can't figure out how to get these points across, especially as I have had lots of experience (three times in my life) with getting to the place you describe and 'getting away with it' so to speak in noise/sound situtaions. [Check out the video in 'Positivity Thread' of me performing
Gangnam Style dance at a show in Nov. 2012 with no plugs in. That is
not a person being held back by fear]. Indeed I do not live in fear now, so excuse me if I made it sound like that...I said the "thought" of > louder T is "not a pleasant thought". Yes, I know for sure louder T is a possibility so that makes me live within my limits, and those limits slowly improve over time...Thus the six years I mention. But at my age and the things I would prefer to do that is a long time!
OK so here is the crux, though I think you have maybe answered it...If you get zapped (so
not the "nothing happened" thing) and that zap "hurts" and lasts, do you have no concern at all??? Or do you just not get zapped???
For sure if I did not get zapped I would be adjusting much more easily like I did the other times, but this reactivity is a real bugger to deal with. It is not "me" Michael, it is my "hearing apparatus".
I will give you an example. A young dancer I was very fond of died last week and there was a memorial for her in the dance studio we all spent so much time in. Nice big room, high ceilings, and so on (small rooms = more sound bounce-back = harder for me). I
had to go. I
wanted to go. I knew it would probably require earplugs unless very somber and quiet. For sure it would be quieter than a street market or a marathon with a bunch of people like you described. Clapping just kills me, instantly. Very painful....Anyway, so here I am going out into the world right, and what happens?
There is a toddler in there. Yeah, well you know the rest...Maybe not, as I did not get spiked. My "sense detector" caught it before the wailing cry and I had my Etymotics 25 dB's in. The mother was good enough to take her youngster outside, but just the 'ambient noise' level was way too much and my hearing was getting "affected" within minutes. That 'hurt damaged' feeling...and increasing.
So what do I do here??? What do
you do here??? Or am I reading it that this just does not happen to you at all???
What about you
@dan if you have this reactivity as continual baseline??? Do you just let it get more "damaged feeling" and then end up with permanent louder T like I did in 2012??? (Remember I did not even realize I was getting hit when my stage 4 happened and was truly being self assured enough to 'not care' - but with foundation, as indeed I
had got away with a dance show!). I paid a big price for that.
So Anne-Marie, I think what you are saying is that (as is true for me too), the fear dissipates the longer one has experience of "being OK" within sound situations. This of course makes sense. However, I have not found so far with this jump up in T & reactivity that 'not fearing' has
lowered the reactivity. It seems to be just doing its same old thing of dropping about 5-10% per year like it did from 2006 to 2012. I really am not afraid when I am in sound situations (though avoid mostly) as I know absolutely when to put plugs in, and I always have two grades on me. The warning signs are very "feelable". The problem is, that if I use plugs the ringing volume starts to go up, and up, in my head until it is just exhausting and I can hardly concentrate on what is going on. I had to leave that memorial after about 3/4 hour with the Etymotics in. (It is worse with 'full plugs' that block more fully). It took a while once home for the ringing to come down to baseline, and so far it has...but geeeeeez was I wiped out! Good for nothing.
Anyway, I guess I have covered the ground here, though I sure would like to get more dialogue going with people who have experienced this reality of "non one time T that just stays the same no matter what" (like my brother's + mine in stage 1 and 2), and also have this reactivty pain stuff to deal with. Maybe I could get some tips!
Once again, thanks for the response and it is not often I see anyone posting about multi-levels of permanent T so sorry if pestering you here.
I am glad for you and indeed it helps to have control and awareness about the meds connection. Ototoxic meds + sound combo is something to really be aware of. I make that point a lot as my 2006 killer T was all ototoxic meds (oral), and the 2012 was stealth sound + also tapering of meds too. I reckon I may have got away with it without those two in concert! But of course do not know that for sure...Sigh.
All the best Anne-Marie, and go get em in the run!
Zimichael