Reaching Out

[zatara92]

Hi all

I've had tinnitus for 5 years now. It started when as a 20 year old I finally got to see my musical heroes, Judas Priest, perform live. It disturbed me a little at first, but I soon got used to it within months and barely ever noticed it.

Fast forward 2 years to my 22nd birthday. I was having a fantastic time with my friends at a nightclub. The music that night was very loud, and on top of that, we were dancing very close to the speakers. But in my drunk state I did not notice. Had I been sober I would never have been anywhere close to them. When I woke up th e next morning my ears were ringing, loudly. I figured that was normal, just like any other night out, and it would go away the next day. But it didn't. Nor did it the next day. Or week. Or month. T was here and it was here to stay.

I was distraught, depressed, unmotivated and even entertained thoughts of suicide at times. Looking up tinnitus cures on the internet didn't help, and I was faced with the reality that I had to live with this forever. I was absolutely broken, mainly because I was extremely passionate about music (and still am). Nothing brought me more pleasure in life than listening to the music I love. And now I could never enjoy music the same way I used to.

That year (2014) was supposed to be the year where I achieved a lot of goals I had in mind at the time. But my momentum stopped. I became reclusive, avoiding social events, did poorly at uni and drowned myself in computer games. It was a really tough time and I felt like a shadow of my former fun, confident and outgoing self.

So this continued for about 6 months, until I stumbled upon a forum post (I can't remember if it was on here or somewhere else) that talked about teaching yourself to not react negatively to T. It was so enlightening and in a matter of days I feel like a huge weight was lifted from me. I felt alive again. I felt happy again. It was amazing, and to this day is still the best advice I've heard. These days I live life normally and with purpose the only difference being very cautious with my ears. I carry a pair of Isolate earplugs with me everywhere I go no matter what, and pop them in whenever necessary. I still have T and it is definitely noticeable, but it doesn't bother me anymore.

These last few years there have been some ups and downs periodically, but there's always light at the end of the tunnel and I always make it. 9 out of ten days are good days for me, emotionally and mentally.

So obviously, my T is noise induced, which means I have some hearing loss. My left ear is slightly worse than my right, and I feel like I can perceive more frequencies with my right ear, and that is what I am used to. A few days ago while playing guitar, I got a very high pitched T flare up in my right ear out of nowhere. I wasn't playing loudly so this came as a shock. After a few seconds, the flareup subsided and I immediately noticed I'd lost some hearing in my right ear.

This has greatly upset me because I've always felt like my right ear has been able to pick up a wider range of frequencies and allows me to fully enjoy the music I'm listening to. Now it's not. It's been replaced by a few more tones of T. I've been feeling really down these last few days and I'm not used to it. Like I said earlier, I usually get out of bad spells on my own quite quickly, but this is different, because it's not just a bad spell. I've further damaged my hearing and there's no recovering it back. Acceptance is going to be a long time coming for this one.

Looking back at what I've written, I honestly sound like I'm whinging. I know plenty of people have far worse cases than me. I don't know what the point of this is. I guess I'm just reaching out, asking for some words comfort and encouragement.

I don't know.

 

[Michael Leigh]

I know plenty of people have far worse cases than me.

Hi @zatara92

I first want to say that your tinnitus is unique to you. Therefore try not to think that there are other people that have the condition worse than you because that is not the case. No one can know how you feel. Tinnitus is directly linked to our emotions, and for this reason it is such a personal thing, as each one of us on this planet has a different emotional makeup.

Not everyone that has noise induced tinnitus has hearing loss. I don't for instance, and according to my consultant my hearing is well above average. To help improve your hearing you might want to consider taking Ginkgo Biloba. I have taken it for many years and believed it's helped my hearing and tinnitus. It's a good idea to take it in Tincture form as it gets into the bloodstream quicker I'm told. You might want to consider counselling with a Hearing Therapist or Audiologist whose trained in the treatment and management of tinnitus. Please click on the links below and read my articles, as you might find them helpful. I advise you not to use headphones even at low volume and be careful of playing music loud.

All the best
Michael

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/tinnitus-a-personal-view.18668/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/hyperacusis-as-i-see-it.19174/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/can-tinnitus-counselling-help.22366/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/is-positivity-important.23150/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/can-tinnitus-counselling-help.22366/

 

[Kolisar]

Hello @zatara92 , welcome. I am sorry that you needed to seek our our forum, but I am glad that you found us.

First off, is does not sound like, nor are you, whining. Tinnitus is difficult, traumatic, and debilitating. Flare ups (spikes as they are also referred to) and changes do occur for some people, and it seems that you are amongst that unfortunate group (as am I and many other here).

Depression and suicidal ideations are very common, most of us have or feel those. If you have not already, read some posts, find people who's responses you like, or feel are helpful, and locate their "Introduction" posts. I am fairly certain you will find that most, when they first came here, felt the same way you do now. And, you may be surprised how may felt suicidal as well (I cannot locate it now, but there is a post on this forum where one of our members quotes a 16% suicide rate of tinnitus, higher than advanced cancer). So, you certainly are not alone with those feelings.

I am a former musician (tinnitus did not cause me to stop, I have had it my entire life, it was the realization that I had no actual talent), and still love music and listen to music daily.

I know plenty of people have far worse cases than me.

That may or may not be true, and to he honest, it does not matter. What is the important measure is how is your tinnitus affecting you. People have different levels of tolerance, and their tolerance level can be situational. If you read thought this forum you will find many people who, for extended periods of time do not even notice their tinnitus. You will find others who cannot escape it (for me, I even hear it in my dreams). If it is effecting you severely, then your tinnitus is severe as far as I am concerned.

I am sorry the the recent hearing loss, that is, again, common.

So, assuming you are still reading, time of the good news:

Regardless of how long you have had tinnitus, or even if you have had a recent spike of change, there is hope.

Medical science is advancing at a rate greater than any other time in human history. I am not saying that a cure is close, but he have the best chance of seeing one now than we have at any other time.

People, including you, can learn to habituate. Yes, losing some hearing is difficult. I, personally, am tired of asking people to repeat themselves. But, if you read the success stories section of this forum you will find a lot of stories from our members who have learned to habituate, even after suffering from tinnitus for a very long time.

You are here now. You have entered a community filled with caring, sympathetic, giving, and compassionate people who understand and have been through what you are going through. Not only that, but this community will help and provide support. I am continuously amazed at the level of kindness shown by this community. People go out of their way, to help total strangers with their suffering despite suffering themselves. I know that a number of us here feel that we have no strength left to cope with our own suffering, yet when someone else feels they have no strength left, others not only find some with themselves, but then immediately give it to the person in need.

I cannot say that your suffering will end, no one can honestly say that, but what I can say is that you will not have to suffer alone. I can say that you will always find support here, you will always find people who understand what you are going through and will do their very best to help you through this. Despite the fact that everyone experiences tinnitus differently, we are all fighting the same battle, and we all have each other's backs.

Hang in there, you will get through this. We will be here when you need our support, and we will be here to celebrate the little victories you have during your fight.

I wish you the best, I hope that you find the information and support you need here, and please keep us updated in your progress.