My journey with Tinnitus
The morning of Saturday July 7, 2018 I woke up with a loud ringing in my left ear. I did not know what it was. All I knew was that the sound was foreign to my senses and extremely annoying. I went online to look for information and I found it was something I had never heard or read of, called Tinnitus. I am not sure what caused this Tinnitus of mine, maybe the loud IHOP I visited one night before the onset, the result of really stressful months at work, the hypertension I was not aware of, or a combination of all these conditions.
So far, I have gone through the same emotions most of you have suffered. I have had my share of anxiety, depression, fear, detachment, frustration, guilt, you name it! When it comes to quality of life, the same: sleepless nights, lack of concentration, panic attacks, fatigue, etc.
I bumped into this forum and I have been comforted beyond words can express, especially by the Success Stories section that I have read every day since day one. Yes, this Tinnitus is not fun but I am not alone and that feels good!
Now it is my turn to report where I am standing two months after my Tinnitus journey begun. But before anything else, I would like to make emphasis that what I will narrate below is my own experience, including very personal decisions I have taken along the way. This is not by any means an attempt to generalize and question the effectiveness of any drugs or treatment that anyone else here in this forum is undertaking.
- Hearing Loss
At the ENT office, my audiogram presented my left ear with a moderate hearing loss notch at the 4 kHz frequency mark. Now I know how important ears can be and I am taking care of them.
- Intrusiveness
My Tinnitus is dual tone. The first one is a constant high-pitch sound, similar to cutting wood with an electric saw. The second one is an intermittent typewriter-like sound that goes on and off during the day. Both loud enough to get literally on my nerves.
- Sleep
After several nights with poor resting I was desperate and very tired. I went to see my GP and she prescribed me Ambien to help me conciliate some sleep. However after two weeks I had to stop using it as I started feeling strong heart palpitations, and I decided to rely on over the counter sleep aid medications.
- Anxiety/Depression
It will never occur to me that a brain generated sound could be so life disrupting to the point of sending me to horrible landscapes of anxiety attacks, depression and drastic weigh loss. My GP prescribed me Zoloft to address the emotional issues. But I have to honestly state that I did not take the Zoloft because I had a former bad experience with antidepressants, and because of this I had yet to find dopamine somewhere else. The good news was that I am a triathlete and I am used to vigorous exercise. So amidst the worst mood of my life I forced myself to swim, bike or run every possible day. Here I found my dopamine source with no side effects. Going to the second month, the anxiety attacks have subsided and I began to eat better. I still struggle with signs of depression but my mood has improved overall.
- Masking
I have been masking the Tinnitus with white noise coming from my smart phone's app. Masking initially provided me with the necessary relief, especially on the first weeks after the Tinnitus onset. I read the ongoing debate on masking or not masking the Tinnitus when going to sleep. It seems there are well funded positions in both sides of the spectrum. However, 2 week ago I decided to give it a shot and try to go to sleep without masking. It was a very daring preposition but I succeeded. For me this was a major breakthrough in my habituation process. I can hear the ring when I go to bed, but once I relax and I fall at sleep my brain detaches and I cannot hear the Tinnitus noise anymore. It has been 2 weeks and so far so good with sleeping without masking.
My own thoughts
- The source of my Tinnitus is yet unknown to me. I still have hope that it could go away within 3 or 6 months, maybe after 1 year or 2. By then if the Tinnitus has not vanished I should be well habituated, whatever happens first. I have no choice but to trust the process one day at the time.
- My early habituation has not followed a linear pattern. It has been a really slow process with good days and bad days. I can call it progress when I count more good days than bad days, but setbacks are a given.
- I have to stick to a good strategy. During the first weeks with Tinnitus I literally dragged myself to do normal life activities. I felt like always staying home and mourn my misery. It was really hard to push myself to exercise, attend family events or hang out with friends. But I learned that Tinnitus, depression and anxiety thrive in isolation and idleness. The more I exposed myself to normal life the more I have regained control of my life.
- Contrary to what I believed, Tinnitus is a common ailment. At my workplace and among some friends, I was able to identify several Tinnitus sufferers that have survived this nightmare. For me, it has been very reassuring to observe these individuals living a normal life even when Tinnitus has never left them.
- Tinnitus can certainly break havoc in my body and emotions. But I consciously decided that it will not break my spirit. The fight goes on until my brain finishes its recalibration course and resolves the Tinnitus, or I achieve a stable habituation.
(See you until next update)
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