The Thought of Having Tinnitus for the Rest of My Life...

[Martin69]

I know what you mean for sure. If you can be around noise, and don't have H. Just do it Martin. Go out and have fun. If I could do it I would, I can't, I actually can not. I am close to saying screw it and going out and doing things (living my life) and having a loaded gun ready for the consequences. Every little tiny hit to my ears I develop a new noise and things get more loud, painful and they stick. I'm talking even a conversation, my own voice. Every little thing I do makes things permanently worse. I know this because I have done it over and over again. Basically my T is progressive and any tiny sound quickens this process. So do I lie in bed with painful screaming or do I go out? If I go out things get worse (more damage). If I stay in I go insane. What is the right thing to do? Things have gotten out of control with my ears taking hits and getting worse. I lay in bed with the slightest of pink noise for sometimes 20 hours straight now a days. This is the only way to keep the damage to a minimum. I'm to the point where I don't know if I can take another noise hit to the ear, even my own voice. See, I can't take any more permanent volume increases or additional pain, I've maxed out. I lay there restless for hours in the quiet with screeching noise and pain trying to dose off. I loose track of days and time. Who can do this? Is it possible for a human being to live like this? I don't think so. So I may just throw caution to the wind, go play hockey, go out with my friends, maybe take a trip. At least I will have a few more months of real life left, rather than maybe a couple of years like this in quiet isolated hell. Even with ear plugs in my ears I can't take the noise, and if I have muffs and ear plugs in while I'm out it gets so noisy that it is physically painful. Going out=further damage....staying in=mental suffering and isolation. I'm not sure about either of these. I don't have options, if you do, go out and excersice those options...do things you like man! Try and enjoy life.

Here is quote from a article Larry posted here from the New York Times, most of this article describes me to a Tee.....

"Significant relapses occur with new noise exposure," he said. "We continue to hear from people who follow the bad advice they receive and who go right back out into the world, confused and hurting themselves further."

Link to article: http://mobile.nytimes.com/blogs/well/2014/12/01/when-everyday-noise-is-unbearable/?module=Search&mabReward=relbias:s&_r=0&referrer=

Man, what a f...
Yes, I can go out since no H and no reactive T.
But depressed and anxious and therefore going out is also a challenge.
Never thought this could happen to me.

 

[Telis]

Man, what a f...
Yes, I can go out since no H and no reactive T.
But depressed and anxious and therefore going out is also a challenge.
Never thought this could happen to me.

Go try sports... If you play tennis, go do it. If you don't play, go learn. If I could play tennis all day and not worry about my ears getting worse I would do it. And I would do it every day. Just an idea. Sports for me can get my mind off anything. Especially if you get competitive.

 

[Carlos1]

Go try sports... If you play tennis, go do it. If you don't play, go learn. If I could play tennis all day and not worry about my ears getting worse I would do it. And I would do it every day. Just an idea. Sports for me can get my mind off anything. Especially if you get competitive.

I run around a cemetery not far from where I live and I sometimes just wish God would take me from this suffering life...If I didn't have kids I wouldn't give a shit if I dropped in that cemetery ....least they wouldn't have to go far to bury my ass.

 

[MichaelM]

I feel for you Telis. I wouldn't know where to start when trying to console you. The only thing i could ask you to do would be to look at the thread entitled "Meniere's disease". Have a read through the posts made by @MichaelM. He was pretty much in the same mindset as you are now, yet he is finally getting some relief right at this moment. There is hope for all of us.

Noticed i was mentioned... yes, i know Telis´situation. It sounds a lot like what i have been suffering from during the last 12 months or so. Meniere´s Disease changed my life totally and completely. in the last spring i was pretty much done and ready to give up (yes, suicidal thoughts... i am not going to lie to you). At that point i had had the most challenging and severe, and literally sometimes painful, problem of my entire life ever for about 8 months or so.
Nothing before MD gets even close when it comes to problems.

Now that i think of it i really cant recall everything from the first half of this year ´14. The brainfog was thorough. I was living in 24/7 suffering and all i was able to think was my ear and the versatile problems it was bringing up.

Something changed in September and i started to feel a little bit better. I am not symptomless....far from it... but the full-time suffering has gone and T has lowered tremendously, H is gone, ear pain is gone, ear pressure is really flat...

I remember the H: there were days when i heard my own voice like i had my head in a zinc bucket. Some sounds caused me cover my ears with my hands.

Tinnitus was so loud i couldnt believe it anymore. "syntax error" like in Commodore64 back in the days.
I started hearing things.... hallucinating sounds. I was losing my sanity. I almost cried, and then laughed at the same time sometimes at night. Last time i remember crying was in 2007. in the year 2001 before that. MD has taken so much away from me and at the same time it has brought so much negative things.

There were months when i couldnt really hear what people where saying --- so loud was my T.
What i fear now is when/if the MD will get bad again.

It´s good to talk to someone. I have been thinking what you English speaking folks say is "peer support"... i´d really like to help the fellow sufferers but i dont know how.

And yes, I am going to have this MD-business for the rest of my life. Every single second i am alive. I will hear this sound, feel my ear, get hours-long vertigos sometimes..... the hardest challenge i have ever faced. Some might ask why i am writing here about Meniere´s.... well, T is my main issue.

 

[RicoS]

Just a little bit off-topic. I have a major setback regarding health. My T I can live with.... but the anxiety en depression I feel is the same as the onset of my T.

So I been there and I done that...but still my body is in panic mode for no damn reason. I will sit it out...because I have to, but how do you people deal with it. People say...go to sleep.... well I can't I'm in panic mode.... People say...go do something fun....nothing is fun because i'm in panic mode. People say....well what you have is not an issue.....well by body thinks it is and it's in panic mode.

It's like I ask this question to myself a year and a halve ago. I did came out of it, but the feeling I have now is the same....the thought that you cannot get out of this panic mode and depression.... I'm a positive person so I will not give up, but I hate it that my body goes in panic-mode for no good reason at all and I feel helpless just like a year ago.

I'm even to embarrassed to say what my problem is just when I accepted to have T the rest of my life.
But the basic question regarding the topic is the same... The thought of having this the rest of my life. I know my brain will readjust to this again but in panic-mode it feels like it will not ever and I'm doomed to walk the earth with this miserable feeling.

What do you people do...sit it out? Talk to people? Cry? Take a walk? I cannot even teach my class at the gym tonight because I feel so stressed out and it's one of the things I love the most

I don't want to talk everybody in a depression or something but I just was wondering how all you people deal with the panic attacks if you have any?

 

[Martin69]

Just a little bit off-topic. I have a major setback regarding health. My T I can live with.... but the anxiety en depression I feel is the same as the onset of my T.

So I been there and I done that...but still my body is in panic mode for no damn reason. I will sit it out...because I have to, but how do you people deal with it. People say...go to sleep.... well I can't I'm in panic mode.... People say...go do something fun....nothing is fun because i'm in panic mode. People say....well what you have is not an issue.....well by body thinks it is and it's in panic mode.

It's like I ask this question to myself a year and a halve ago. I did came out of it, but the feeling I have now is the same....the thought that you cannot get out of this panic mode and depression.... I'm a positive person so I will not give up, but I hate it that my body goes in panic-mode for no good reason at all and I feel helpless just like a year ago.

I'm even to embarrassed to say what my problem is just when I accepted to have T the rest of my life.
But the basic question regarding the topic is the same... The thought of having this the rest of my life. I know my brain will readjust to this again but in panic-mode it feels like it will not ever and I'm doomed to walk the earth with this miserable feeling.

What do you people do...sit it out? Talk to people? Cry? Take a walk? I cannot even teach my class at the gym tonight because I feel so stressed out and it's one of the things I love the most

I don't want to talk everybody in a depression or something but I just was wondering how all you people deal with the panic attacks if you have any?

Hey Rico.
This thread here is a depression in itself. Probably this brought you down.
Or it is just a setback.
You wrote to me some time ago that your T became quieter. Even if not, you are on your way to habituation.
The depression and anxiety is normal if you face something you cannot control and could maybe stay with you until end of life.
There are more and more people taking Trobalt. And Autifony will be maybe a success.
You are young. I am sure they will find something for us.
Just sit it out. Do your classes, you will feel better.
I also go through my days and hope for better times.
Stay strong my friend.

@RaZaH btw made a good suggestion regarding panic attacks some days ago.
He said something like taking some hours time and tell yourself going into a panic attack. This worked for him. Maybe seach for @RaZaH and panic.

 

[Telis]

Just a little bit off-topic. I have a major setback regarding health. My T I can live with.... but the anxiety en depression I feel is the same as the onset of my T.

So I been there and I done that...but still my body is in panic mode for no damn reason. I will sit it out...because I have to, but how do you people deal with it. People say...go to sleep.... well I can't I'm in panic mode.... People say...go do something fun....nothing is fun because i'm in panic mode. People say....well what you have is not an issue.....well by body thinks it is and it's in panic mode.

It's like I ask this question to myself a year and a halve ago. I did came out of it, but the feeling I have now is the same....the thought that you cannot get out of this panic mode and depression.... I'm a positive person so I will not give up, but I hate it that my body goes in panic-mode for no good reason at all and I feel helpless just like a year ago.

I'm even to embarrassed to say what my problem is just when I accepted to have T the rest of my life.
But the basic question regarding the topic is the same... The thought of having this the rest of my life. I know my brain will readjust to this again but in panic-mode it feels like it will not ever and I'm doomed to walk the earth with this miserable feeling.

What do you people do...sit it out? Talk to people? Cry? Take a walk? I cannot even teach my class at the gym tonight because I feel so stressed out and it's one of the things I love the most

I don't want to talk everybody in a depression or something but I just was wondering how all you people deal with the panic attacks if you have any?

Hey Rico, try a few beers after you bag yourself at the gym or something physical. I know for the most part alcohol is dismissed here and taking pills are encouraged but I choose a few drinks every day. You don't have to abuse it, just like you don't have to take hand fulls of pills. Helps take the edge off for me.

 

[MichaelM]

What do you people do...sit it out? Talk to people? Cry? Take a walk? I cannot even teach my class at the gym tonight because I feel so stressed out and it's one of the things I love the most

I don't want to talk everybody in a depression or something but I just was wondering how all you people deal with the panic attacks if you have any?

Let´s see... what have i done about it this year:
-Quit my job and now work part time,
- visited 3 ENTs´, 2 psychologists, 1 psychiatrist, 1 psychiatric nurse.
-I take meds: betahistine (for inner ears) and bupropion (to beat the anxiety and depression)
-Sold my car: caused me too much problems. I bought a cheap old Nissan 2 months ago, which works fine.
-Talked alot with my friends. I have to thank them for the patience and support.
-On really bad days i had to take zolpidem in the evenings.
-many have been the times i have been holding those oxazepam pills.... never took 1. i should have at times, i can see it now.
-a lot of "just a few pints" with my mates. It does work, actually, but i know i have started to drink a bit too much.
-hanging around here in TT
-listened music more than ever since my teenage years. How good was music in the nineties!
-suffering alone at home with my dog, walking the dog in the park , the normal stuff but took so much energy sometimes
-did my first physical exercise this year last Monday. Daily routines took all my energy, usually have been lying on my sofa listening T.
-gathered all my energy in September and went to drive around Europe with my friend. I think that was the one thing that gave me perspective on all problems.
I believe in taking distance. My ears will follow but everything else stays behind.

..........i dont really have many memories of this year before August.

I think i have done alot, actually, now when i think about it.

Dont ever give up.

 

[I who love music]

I've already had it for over 40 years. If I live to be 96 I'll have it another 40.
There's 2 things I'm going to do:
Avoid loud music
and
This https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/back-to-silence.7172/

 

[Larry OT]

Just a little bit off-topic. I have a major setback regarding health. My T I can live with.... but the anxiety en depression I feel is the same as the onset of my T.

Seek help from therapist and if you can tolerate your T your in better shape than most. Better than me!
If your that low and holistic doesn't help, get help from a doc for antidepressants.
I struggle with the same but the meds have helped a little with anxiety. Still messed up but I know I can't go it without something.