Hi Tinnitus Talk,
Firstly I just want to express my thanks to this community. It has been a great and positive resource for me in my journey with tinnitus. I have been a lurker for most of my time here, but if you search my post history you will see that I have posted once or twice in 2017 when i was experiencing a bad spike.
I have had some recent acoustic traumas that has increased my tinnitus significantly.
A quick summary of my tinnitus history:
February 2012 - Developed tinnitus after a loud metal gig. The T was very mild in both ears. It caused my some distress initially but after a very short time (maybe 2 months if memory serves) I had completely habituated and only ever heard it in complete silence. I started taking more precautions when going to gigs, always carrying a pair of ear plugs with me, but not always diligent in using it.
March 2014 - Developed moderate tinnitus after a night out at a club, on my birthday. This is where my real problem with tinnitus began. You can see my introduction post for how I was feeling at the time. In short, not good. But over the course of just under a year, I habituated to it and for the most part of the last 5 years I have been living a happy and fulfilling life with tinnitus (with several periods of severe spikes that were distressing but always went away). I have been very diligent about using ear plugs at loud venues, on public transport or just whenever there are or I think there might be loud sounds present. Tinnitus simply didn't bother me, it was just a neutral sensation that had absolutely no negative affect on my life and happiness. I must clarify that the tinnitus wasn't mild at this stage, it was definitely noticeable, but I perceived it as a neutral thing. My life was a tinnitus success story
But not anymore.
Dec 2019 - I was exposed to several loud occurrences within the space of about 2 weeks. These were mostly accidental with one or two careless incidents. I consider it very bad luck that all these events happened so close to each other. My tinnitus has now significantly increased in both ears, but more severe in my right ear. There was also initially a feeling of fullness in my right ear that seems to have somewhat dissipated but not entirely gone. I can hear my tinnitus over everything now, fans, people talking, traffic etc. Its always there. It is worse than it has ever been. My ears also feel a bit sensitive to sound now (I'm not sure how to describe it), but this has also eased up somewhat from the initial onset. I believe I also have some hearing loss but its hard to tell. I should get tested. My last test earlier this year showed I had normal hearing (even though I believe otherwise). I am also seeing an ENT next month, but not expecting anything.
I have my earplugs on most of the time now. For some reason, when its just me, my earplugs and the tinnitus, it doesn't bother me so much. But as soon as I take them off and try to listen to things normally, thats where the negative feelings start to kick in.
So far, this last month has been mostly bad days, but with a few good ones. I find that I can distract myself for short periods of time through work, leisure or exercise, but not for very long. Today I have had a very tumultuous day. Some great moments where I didn't notice it, some dire moments where I felt life curling up in bed and never leaving. Its progress I suppose, compared to a few weeks ago when I couldn't get my mind off of it.
So here I am, back on this forum, looking for reassurance, looking for support, and hoping to share my current experience.
I believe I can beat this. I believe in habituation, because I know it has worked for me in the past. I know I have beaten it before and I know I can do it again. It may be slightly different this time, and I may never be at the same level of peace as I was at pre-Dec 2019. I'll deal with it, I'll get used to it, and one day I will reach a stage where tinnitus won't bother me anymore.
I'm also a big believer in the power of mindfulness meditation. It is something I have been practicing for a few months now (initially not at all to deal with tinnitus, but some other problems elsewhere in my life). I am finding it a little bit harder to stay focused during meditation, but there have been some good moments. I'm sure I will get better.
One thing I have learned is that living in the present moment is by far the most important thing one can do to live a fulfilling life, and that is what I aspire to be able to do. To do the things I love because I love doing them, without paying any heed to the tinnitus. I have had some moments in the last few weeks where I have been able to do this, and I am very proud of those moments. They are few and far in between, but I will get better.
I have the rest of my life to live. When I'm on my deathbed I want to be able to look back on a well lived life and the confident knowledge that despite the odds, I did my absolute best in difficult circumstances.
I will not give in. I've beaten this bastard before and I will do it again. I will turn this defeat into a victory, by taking the opportunity to be ever more mindful about my thoughts and my life, and make the most out of every moment.
I will practice utmost diligence in protecting my ears and ensuring I do no further damage to myself. I have made some mistakes but I will not beat myself up for them. I have learned from my mistakes and will not repeat them.
I want to share my experience with you all, to seek support and offer support to others where I can. I don't want to be a lurker anymore, I feel the need to give something back to this community that has done so much for me, whether it knows it or not. Hopefully in some small way, this post and the ones that follow are able to help someone else find hope.
I dream of the day when my mind is no longer a slave to tinnitus. I believe it will happen. I've done it before and I will do it again.
Good luck to everyone on this forum. You are all incredibly strong for facing tinnitus.
Firstly I just want to express my thanks to this community. It has been a great and positive resource for me in my journey with tinnitus. I have been a lurker for most of my time here, but if you search my post history you will see that I have posted once or twice in 2017 when i was experiencing a bad spike.
I have had some recent acoustic traumas that has increased my tinnitus significantly.
A quick summary of my tinnitus history:
February 2012 - Developed tinnitus after a loud metal gig. The T was very mild in both ears. It caused my some distress initially but after a very short time (maybe 2 months if memory serves) I had completely habituated and only ever heard it in complete silence. I started taking more precautions when going to gigs, always carrying a pair of ear plugs with me, but not always diligent in using it.
March 2014 - Developed moderate tinnitus after a night out at a club, on my birthday. This is where my real problem with tinnitus began. You can see my introduction post for how I was feeling at the time. In short, not good. But over the course of just under a year, I habituated to it and for the most part of the last 5 years I have been living a happy and fulfilling life with tinnitus (with several periods of severe spikes that were distressing but always went away). I have been very diligent about using ear plugs at loud venues, on public transport or just whenever there are or I think there might be loud sounds present. Tinnitus simply didn't bother me, it was just a neutral sensation that had absolutely no negative affect on my life and happiness. I must clarify that the tinnitus wasn't mild at this stage, it was definitely noticeable, but I perceived it as a neutral thing. My life was a tinnitus success story
But not anymore.
Dec 2019 - I was exposed to several loud occurrences within the space of about 2 weeks. These were mostly accidental with one or two careless incidents. I consider it very bad luck that all these events happened so close to each other. My tinnitus has now significantly increased in both ears, but more severe in my right ear. There was also initially a feeling of fullness in my right ear that seems to have somewhat dissipated but not entirely gone. I can hear my tinnitus over everything now, fans, people talking, traffic etc. Its always there. It is worse than it has ever been. My ears also feel a bit sensitive to sound now (I'm not sure how to describe it), but this has also eased up somewhat from the initial onset. I believe I also have some hearing loss but its hard to tell. I should get tested. My last test earlier this year showed I had normal hearing (even though I believe otherwise). I am also seeing an ENT next month, but not expecting anything.
I have my earplugs on most of the time now. For some reason, when its just me, my earplugs and the tinnitus, it doesn't bother me so much. But as soon as I take them off and try to listen to things normally, thats where the negative feelings start to kick in.
So far, this last month has been mostly bad days, but with a few good ones. I find that I can distract myself for short periods of time through work, leisure or exercise, but not for very long. Today I have had a very tumultuous day. Some great moments where I didn't notice it, some dire moments where I felt life curling up in bed and never leaving. Its progress I suppose, compared to a few weeks ago when I couldn't get my mind off of it.
So here I am, back on this forum, looking for reassurance, looking for support, and hoping to share my current experience.
I believe I can beat this. I believe in habituation, because I know it has worked for me in the past. I know I have beaten it before and I know I can do it again. It may be slightly different this time, and I may never be at the same level of peace as I was at pre-Dec 2019. I'll deal with it, I'll get used to it, and one day I will reach a stage where tinnitus won't bother me anymore.
I'm also a big believer in the power of mindfulness meditation. It is something I have been practicing for a few months now (initially not at all to deal with tinnitus, but some other problems elsewhere in my life). I am finding it a little bit harder to stay focused during meditation, but there have been some good moments. I'm sure I will get better.
One thing I have learned is that living in the present moment is by far the most important thing one can do to live a fulfilling life, and that is what I aspire to be able to do. To do the things I love because I love doing them, without paying any heed to the tinnitus. I have had some moments in the last few weeks where I have been able to do this, and I am very proud of those moments. They are few and far in between, but I will get better.
I have the rest of my life to live. When I'm on my deathbed I want to be able to look back on a well lived life and the confident knowledge that despite the odds, I did my absolute best in difficult circumstances.
I will not give in. I've beaten this bastard before and I will do it again. I will turn this defeat into a victory, by taking the opportunity to be ever more mindful about my thoughts and my life, and make the most out of every moment.
I will practice utmost diligence in protecting my ears and ensuring I do no further damage to myself. I have made some mistakes but I will not beat myself up for them. I have learned from my mistakes and will not repeat them.
I want to share my experience with you all, to seek support and offer support to others where I can. I don't want to be a lurker anymore, I feel the need to give something back to this community that has done so much for me, whether it knows it or not. Hopefully in some small way, this post and the ones that follow are able to help someone else find hope.
I dream of the day when my mind is no longer a slave to tinnitus. I believe it will happen. I've done it before and I will do it again.
Good luck to everyone on this forum. You are all incredibly strong for facing tinnitus.
Member
