When I went to bed plenty of hours ago probably yesterday, I can't tell for sure anymore since I'm almost totally insane, T was screaming at its best/worst. It took me hours and hours to finally drift off to sleep.. not long before I got tossed out of sleep with a blaring T in my left ear and a racing heartbeat beyond sanity. It seems the noise woke me up, caused fight or flight stress: my body realised adrenaline. And that scenario happened several times; more than 4 at least. But how can you flight or fight a never ending noise inside; you?
Some people claim they can control T with their emotions. I don't know, maybe they really can or maybe it's just a belief. For me it does NOT work. But what is quite obvious is that T does control me, and therefore my emotions. I don't know about you, but usually emotions are influenced by things that happens around you. Thus you can't really control them yourself unless you have the option to do so. What does that mean? If you don't like smoking you do not smoke. But what if people around me smoke? You can leave the venue any time, can't you? What if I'm being forced to smoke or stay in a room full of people smoking? Well, that my friend you could call torture. Is it going to influence my emotions? You bet! But I can pretend that it doesn't affect my emotions, right? Sure. You can also pretend being stabbed in the back is fun. By that definition everything is fun or trivial. Either way, in the end it is you experiencing this..
The other day I wrote that I recently have a softer T upon waking up. I suppose I had just some lucky wake ups nothing more.
Today when I finally woke and were no longer able to fall asleep again I lay in bed for hours. T screaming out its lungs. After some more hours finally the screaming got softer, and softer, and softer, and softer to a point where I almost had silence. And I thought, 'Wow -- if it just could stay this way. I think I could handle it.' So I was lying there enjoying a brief moment of almost silence. Anxiously to move or to breathe too strong 'cause that could obliterate that very moment. That special moment -- which I haven't experienced for months, but felt like years. Of course, as soon as got up the dentist grabbed his favorite tool and went to work. Killing me.
Why am I even writing this here? Probably to show case that T is just too unpredictable and cruel. Even if you were to take meds or participate in a certain fancy new state of the art study you could never tell for sure if that treatment really did work or not since T is just too whimsical. Unless of course your T really drops down to zero and stays there for more than a brief moment.
Some people claim they can control T with their emotions. I don't know, maybe they really can or maybe it's just a belief. For me it does NOT work. But what is quite obvious is that T does control me, and therefore my emotions. I don't know about you, but usually emotions are influenced by things that happens around you. Thus you can't really control them yourself unless you have the option to do so. What does that mean? If you don't like smoking you do not smoke. But what if people around me smoke? You can leave the venue any time, can't you? What if I'm being forced to smoke or stay in a room full of people smoking? Well, that my friend you could call torture. Is it going to influence my emotions? You bet! But I can pretend that it doesn't affect my emotions, right? Sure. You can also pretend being stabbed in the back is fun. By that definition everything is fun or trivial. Either way, in the end it is you experiencing this..
The other day I wrote that I recently have a softer T upon waking up. I suppose I had just some lucky wake ups nothing more.
Today when I finally woke and were no longer able to fall asleep again I lay in bed for hours. T screaming out its lungs. After some more hours finally the screaming got softer, and softer, and softer, and softer to a point where I almost had silence. And I thought, 'Wow -- if it just could stay this way. I think I could handle it.' So I was lying there enjoying a brief moment of almost silence. Anxiously to move or to breathe too strong 'cause that could obliterate that very moment. That special moment -- which I haven't experienced for months, but felt like years. Of course, as soon as got up the dentist grabbed his favorite tool and went to work. Killing me.
Why am I even writing this here? Probably to show case that T is just too unpredictable and cruel. Even if you were to take meds or participate in a certain fancy new state of the art study you could never tell for sure if that treatment really did work or not since T is just too whimsical. Unless of course your T really drops down to zero and stays there for more than a brief moment.
Member
I don't get nature. It all makes no sense.
