Tumor, Tinnitus, Depression, and the Journey Back to Life (Moscow, Russia)

1. Surgery and the First Challenges

In 2013, I underwent surgery to remove an acoustic neuroma. The tumor was quite large, and gamma knife surgery was not an option, leaving surgery as the only choice. My primary fear wasn't losing hearing in one ear, but rather the possibility of damaging the trigeminal nerve, which is often affected during such operations and can lead to facial paralysis. This is not just a cosmetic issue—it can cause problems with vision, breathing, eating, and other essential functions.

Fortunately, the surgery was successful, although the procedure and recovery were some of the most difficult experiences of my life. The trigeminal nerve was not damaged, and my face remained unaffected. While I did lose hearing in one ear, I quickly adapted and eventually stopped noticing it. At that moment, I was overjoyed—everything seemed fine.

IMPORTANT! I would like to express my deep gratitude to neurosurgeon Vadim Nikolaevich Shimansky from the National Medical Research Center of Neurosurgery named after Academician N.N. Burdenko for his outstanding professionalism and attentive care. Thanks to his vast experience and skill, the surgery was successful and free from serious complications, which was crucial for my recovery. His work exemplifies the highest level of medical expertise, and I am sincerely grateful for everything he has done for me.

2. The Beginning of Tinnitus: A New Chapter of Pain

Three years later, in 2016, after a parachute jump, I noticed something wrong with my deaf ear—a ringing sound. For the first week, I hoped it would go away on its own, but as time passed, the ringing persisted.

I began visiting doctors: first several ENT specialists, then neurosurgeons, and finally numerous neurologists. At one point, I suspected the problem might be related to my jaw, as I noticed a clicking sound. I had three splints made over time, underwent manual therapy, and had numerous MRIs of my head, jaw, and ear. I tried every possible treatment for tinnitus, including psychotherapy, Ericksonian hypnosis, and transcranial magnetic stimulation.

In the end, nothing helped. The constant, exhausting ringing in my deaf ear couldn’t be masked—after all, the ear was deaf. It’s also worth mentioning that my tinnitus intensified with external noise: the hum of cars, crowds of people, the subway, stores, and so on. Interestingly, the ringing worsened in my deaf ear whenever noise entered my right (hearing) ear.

3. Losing Hope and Sinking into Darkness

I lost all hope and fell into a deep depression. I quit my job because I couldn’t concentrate, and thoughts of suicide became a constant companion every morning when I woke up. I saw no way out, and all the doctors were at a loss.

For the next three years, I lived in self-isolation. I blocked all my friends and completely withdrew from the world. But I still clung to every opportunity to do something. At that point, I no longer sought a full cure—I just wanted to learn how to live with tinnitus, how to manage its consequences: overwhelming despair, apathy, and suicidal thoughts.

4. The Last Hope: Meeting with a Psychotherapist

My last hope came in the form of a psychotherapist, Olga Evgenyevna Venger, Candidate of Medical Sciences, with whom I met at FSBI NMIC FMBA of Russia in Moscow. I was referred to her by Olga Vladimirovna Zaitseva. I shared my story with Olga Evgenyevna, and she proposed a treatment plan: the antidepressant Anafranil and the neuroleptic Quetiapine. I didn’t believe these medications could change my situation, but I had no other options.

5. Light at the End of the Tunnel: Beginning to Return to Life

I began the therapy about a year ago. We gradually increased the dosages and monitored my progress. After about 2-3 months, I started noticing changes: I began to sleep better, stopped thinking about suicide, and for the first time in a long while, I could enjoy reading again. I also found it much easier to cope with the ringing in my ear. The tinnitus itself didn’t decrease, but I found it easier to endure.

IMPORTANT: Throughout this time, I didn’t experience any significant side effects. I am not suggesting that everyone should turn to antidepressants or neuroleptics, especially without medical supervision, but I wanted to share my experience. Like many of you, I thought I had tried everything, but it turned out I hadn’t.

For the first time since the onset of my tinnitus, I felt better. I want to emphasize that if you feel like all hope is lost and your life is over—it’s not! I urge you to seek help from a psychotherapist and discuss potential treatment options. Believe me, it’s worth a try. No matter how broken or defeated you may feel right now, remember—you are not alone. This path is far better than self-destruction and suicidal thoughts!

Six months after starting therapy, I found a job I enjoy. I unblocked my friends, and we began meeting, chatting, and laughing again. I started reading, dating, and even attending concerts! In short, I started living again!

6. Never Give Up: Gratitude to Those Who Helped

Never, under any circumstances, give up!

I would like to express my deep gratitude to Olga Vladimirovna Zaitseva, Head of the Research Clinical Department and Head of the Department of Vestibulology and Otoneurology at FSBI NMIC FMBA of Russia, for her professionalism and compassion. Thanks to her, I was referred to the right specialist—psychotherapist Olga Evgenyevna Venger, who saved my life by finding the appropriate treatment.

I hope my story can inspire those struggling with similar difficulties. Don’t lose hope and seek help—the right therapy and support can bring you back to a full life.

 

Hello! / Привет!

I was very happy to read that you came across brilliant medical professionals who helped you overcome the difficult circumstances that accompany tinnitus. I hope that, with time (maybe a decade or more), your tinnitus will fade, and you will find complete happiness.

I also suffer from tinnitus, which was caused by a serious acoustic trauma during a rehearsal. In two months, it will be my five-year anniversary. The first three years were the most difficult. Now, I have essentially resumed my life and cope fairly well, but I no longer attend concerts or use earplugs.

Sending hugs from Tallinn, Estonia.

 

I'm glad you're feeling much better. What dosage of Anafranil and Quetiapine did you find helped most?

Could you attend concerts with earplugs? Did you have any hyperacusis in the early years? If so, how is the hyperacusis today?

 

Hey,

No, concerts are too loud for me, and with bone conduction being a factor, I don't want to take the risk. I had severe hyperacusis during the first 3–4 years, but now it's mostly gone. Everyday noise doesn't bother me, but very loud sounds still cause pain and sometimes dizziness. For example, I can listen to a choir of 7–8 people without any issues, but if there are 10 or more people singing, I have to step away because my ears start burning and the headache intensifies.

 

Anafranil 100 mg and Quetiapine 400 mg.