- Jan 26, 2018
- 27
- Tinnitus Since
- 09/2017
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Noise exposure from power tool
TL;DR: I discuss my progress with separating stress from tinnitus. Please read the whole post, or at least the part about the locomotive since I think that part is most helpful and easy to understand.
Hi all, Zer0 here back again after a little while of being absent... (I even forgot the password to my account and had to reset it!)
I want to talk about tinnitus versus stress.
So I'm approaching the one year mark since the onset of my debilitating tinnitus... or wait, is the tinnitus really the piece that's debilitating?
So let me rewind to the very day I got the tinnitus. I wanted to cut out one of the tubes out of a broken bike frame to use as a lever bar (slide the tube over a wrench or what have you to extend the handle and make it longer - more leverage.)
I cut the metal with an angle grinder in an echo-y underground parking with no ear plugs. After that was insanity. I knew that my ears wouldn't like that, but when I got home and heard the tinnitus in full force I started screaming and didn't stop for 5 minutes until I tasted blood and my roommate phoned me from the other room asking if I'm ok because she was too scared to knock or ask in person. When evening came I couldn't sleep, and for the following month at least I had hardly any sleep.
Back then, the tinnitus was the source of the problem.
So here it is pretty easy to analyze the cause and effect.
Problem = no sleep
Cause = ringing in ears
Now let's go to the 4 month mark since onset. I am sleeping fine with no masking noise. (never really used any maskers ever though) But I was still stressing and crying about the fact that I have T some days. Mainly, my stance was heavily regretful for the fact that I did that to myself. It is still easily the single biggest regret of my life.
Fast forward to 8 months since onset. I was sleeping basically normal 19 days out of 20. I was slowly returning to socializing with friends, going to smaller social events, etc. I would wear plugs out to louder places, and still always do when things feel loud. Back then I was still frequently checking for my T by plugging my ears and listening, and using my decibel reader application on my phone to gauge loudness in any given place.
This is around the time when I started being able to think critically about my condition, rather than just thinking about how horrible the situation is. (Yeah sure the sitch is shit - I won't BS and say, "well, at least it's better than breaking your neck!" Or some junk like that. Shit is shit and flowers are flowers. No whack cheery comparisons here.)
But anyway: I was starting to think more critically.
I was for the first time seeing that the equation wasn't as simple as tinnitus = problem.
There was some stress involved in there, but I couldn't place it yet.
Well, take it to present day and here is where I'm at with my equation:
Tinnitus = stress,
Stress = problem.
This realization was huge for me. I don't really know how to write an impactful post but this realization was really the biggest turning point that I've had since onset. To separate the problem from the tinnitus.
I want you all to ask yourselves: "what kind of impact is the ringing making by itself?"
For me, currently, the answer is one sleepless night out of the month, and the occasional millisecond distraction when I'd catch the sound while reading or something else quiet. That was ALL for me.
Then when I asked myself, and what I recommend you ask yourselves is:
"What kind of impact is the stress making by itself?"
And the answer I had for myself absolutely blew me away. I realized all at once that the tinnitus was never the SOURCE of the problem. The CAUSE and the SOURCE are two very different things for me. The tinnitus was the CAUSE of my stress. My stress was the SOURCE of the problem, not the tinnitus.
For example, I never avoided socializing because my ear was ringing. I avoided it because I was stressed about the sound. Similar but different.
I didn't fight more with my dad because of a sound. I argued with him because I was stressed and his method of "helping" was increasing the stress. Ever since I've been able to separate the T from the stress, and the cause from the source, things have become easier mentally.
And that's when I realized I finally peeled back a layer of the onion. Finally, I was getting somewhere, progress-wise:
I can't control my tinnitus. It may never leave me. The volume is still at the exact same level as it was a year ago when I cut the metal. The difference is my approach to it, and how used to it I am.
Let me state again; I CANNOT CONTROL MY TINNITUS!!!!!!
But I can control my stress.
If I control my stress, I limit my problem. The stress was always the source of the problem except for right at the beginning.
Basically what I'm saying is that not being able to sleep is a problem caused by tinnitus. This was only during the first few months.
Having a short fuse and letting your drunk dad piss you off is a problem caused by my stress. This problem lingered for longer. A high-pitched noise has nothing to do with that second problem.
Basically when the initial inability to sleep passed, I had NO more problems from the tinnitus itself. All my remaining problems stemmed from the stress, which stemmed from the tinnitus.
I had a locomotive with two trailers:
The tinnitus is the locomotive engine in front. It drives constantly, and it won't ever run out of fuel. Or maybe it will some day, but I'm not bagging on it.
The stress is the middle cart.
The problems are the last one.
But the tinnitus doesn't directly pull the problems. I do not need to stop the whole train. I only need to stop the 'problems' cart.
I can't stop the locomotive engine.
But what if I were to delete the 'stress' cart? What if the middle 'stress' cart just *poof* disappeared? It seems to me that then the locomotive engine would keep powering forward, but the 'problems' cart would be free from the forward pull.
Currently, this is what I am working on; minimizing stress, and hopefully completely separating tinnitus from stress eventually.
I have really wanted to leave this post here for a while. It's been a while brewing in my mind and finally I've come around to organizing my thoughts into a post that hopefully someone else can read and gain from.
Another side-realization that I've had while writing this post is that I am unable to make short posts! I'm guessing most people won't read this when they see the mass of text, but if I help even ONE single person who happens to be in a similar situation as me, then this post will have served its purpose. Anything else is just extra. I can't effectively write a TL;DR for this post because I believe most of the details are relevant for telling the story.
Well, that's all from me in terms of the original topic. The last piece of practical advice is to 'stay distracted'. Pretty common advice but it's easy to follow and effective. I've been heavily immersing myself into the world of mountain bikes as a form of distraction, and it is very fun! Adrenaline sports were always my type of thing, but also physical activity in general has stress-reducing effects so it's good for tinnitus.
What would Fun do?
Hi all, Zer0 here back again after a little while of being absent... (I even forgot the password to my account and had to reset it!)
I want to talk about tinnitus versus stress.
So I'm approaching the one year mark since the onset of my debilitating tinnitus... or wait, is the tinnitus really the piece that's debilitating?
So let me rewind to the very day I got the tinnitus. I wanted to cut out one of the tubes out of a broken bike frame to use as a lever bar (slide the tube over a wrench or what have you to extend the handle and make it longer - more leverage.)
I cut the metal with an angle grinder in an echo-y underground parking with no ear plugs. After that was insanity. I knew that my ears wouldn't like that, but when I got home and heard the tinnitus in full force I started screaming and didn't stop for 5 minutes until I tasted blood and my roommate phoned me from the other room asking if I'm ok because she was too scared to knock or ask in person. When evening came I couldn't sleep, and for the following month at least I had hardly any sleep.
Back then, the tinnitus was the source of the problem.
So here it is pretty easy to analyze the cause and effect.
Problem = no sleep
Cause = ringing in ears
Now let's go to the 4 month mark since onset. I am sleeping fine with no masking noise. (never really used any maskers ever though) But I was still stressing and crying about the fact that I have T some days. Mainly, my stance was heavily regretful for the fact that I did that to myself. It is still easily the single biggest regret of my life.
Fast forward to 8 months since onset. I was sleeping basically normal 19 days out of 20. I was slowly returning to socializing with friends, going to smaller social events, etc. I would wear plugs out to louder places, and still always do when things feel loud. Back then I was still frequently checking for my T by plugging my ears and listening, and using my decibel reader application on my phone to gauge loudness in any given place.
This is around the time when I started being able to think critically about my condition, rather than just thinking about how horrible the situation is. (Yeah sure the sitch is shit - I won't BS and say, "well, at least it's better than breaking your neck!" Or some junk like that. Shit is shit and flowers are flowers. No whack cheery comparisons here.)
But anyway: I was starting to think more critically.
I was for the first time seeing that the equation wasn't as simple as tinnitus = problem.
There was some stress involved in there, but I couldn't place it yet.
Well, take it to present day and here is where I'm at with my equation:
Tinnitus = stress,
Stress = problem.
This realization was huge for me. I don't really know how to write an impactful post but this realization was really the biggest turning point that I've had since onset. To separate the problem from the tinnitus.
I want you all to ask yourselves: "what kind of impact is the ringing making by itself?"
For me, currently, the answer is one sleepless night out of the month, and the occasional millisecond distraction when I'd catch the sound while reading or something else quiet. That was ALL for me.
Then when I asked myself, and what I recommend you ask yourselves is:
"What kind of impact is the stress making by itself?"
And the answer I had for myself absolutely blew me away. I realized all at once that the tinnitus was never the SOURCE of the problem. The CAUSE and the SOURCE are two very different things for me. The tinnitus was the CAUSE of my stress. My stress was the SOURCE of the problem, not the tinnitus.
For example, I never avoided socializing because my ear was ringing. I avoided it because I was stressed about the sound. Similar but different.
I didn't fight more with my dad because of a sound. I argued with him because I was stressed and his method of "helping" was increasing the stress. Ever since I've been able to separate the T from the stress, and the cause from the source, things have become easier mentally.
And that's when I realized I finally peeled back a layer of the onion. Finally, I was getting somewhere, progress-wise:
I can't control my tinnitus. It may never leave me. The volume is still at the exact same level as it was a year ago when I cut the metal. The difference is my approach to it, and how used to it I am.
Let me state again; I CANNOT CONTROL MY TINNITUS!!!!!!
But I can control my stress.
If I control my stress, I limit my problem. The stress was always the source of the problem except for right at the beginning.
Basically what I'm saying is that not being able to sleep is a problem caused by tinnitus. This was only during the first few months.
Having a short fuse and letting your drunk dad piss you off is a problem caused by my stress. This problem lingered for longer. A high-pitched noise has nothing to do with that second problem.
Basically when the initial inability to sleep passed, I had NO more problems from the tinnitus itself. All my remaining problems stemmed from the stress, which stemmed from the tinnitus.
I had a locomotive with two trailers:
The tinnitus is the locomotive engine in front. It drives constantly, and it won't ever run out of fuel. Or maybe it will some day, but I'm not bagging on it.
The stress is the middle cart.
The problems are the last one.
But the tinnitus doesn't directly pull the problems. I do not need to stop the whole train. I only need to stop the 'problems' cart.
I can't stop the locomotive engine.
But what if I were to delete the 'stress' cart? What if the middle 'stress' cart just *poof* disappeared? It seems to me that then the locomotive engine would keep powering forward, but the 'problems' cart would be free from the forward pull.
Currently, this is what I am working on; minimizing stress, and hopefully completely separating tinnitus from stress eventually.
I have really wanted to leave this post here for a while. It's been a while brewing in my mind and finally I've come around to organizing my thoughts into a post that hopefully someone else can read and gain from.
Another side-realization that I've had while writing this post is that I am unable to make short posts! I'm guessing most people won't read this when they see the mass of text, but if I help even ONE single person who happens to be in a similar situation as me, then this post will have served its purpose. Anything else is just extra. I can't effectively write a TL;DR for this post because I believe most of the details are relevant for telling the story.
Well, that's all from me in terms of the original topic. The last piece of practical advice is to 'stay distracted'. Pretty common advice but it's easy to follow and effective. I've been heavily immersing myself into the world of mountain bikes as a form of distraction, and it is very fun! Adrenaline sports were always my type of thing, but also physical activity in general has stress-reducing effects so it's good for tinnitus.
What would Fun do?
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