Welcome Johnny to the board. You have received excellent advice from fellow members. I can't add more to their advice. I can only share my own experience of my struggle. Hopefully you won't easily give up. I feel for your situation. Things are not going well and you are not having the support of the family as well as losing the job. Sometimes, there are the low time in life that can really test the soul. Don't give up. Life is full of ups and downs. There are always people who have worse lot in life than we are. Every time I saw a homeless person or a young child with handicap or a blind person groping in a world of total darkness, I count my blessings despite my ultra high pitched dog whistle T blasting most mornings when I wake up. Life is not fair and imperfect. But there is also much beauty in life if we pursue it in the spirit of positivity.
A few years back, my ultra high pitch dog whistle T and severe hyperacusis turned me into a mess. They also triggered relentless anxiety and panic attacks on auto mode, from the minute I woke up to when I went to sleep (if I could sleep at all with sleeping pills). I was paranoid to wake up to repeat the torture cycle. Yes, the big 'S' word was dangling in front of my tired and stressed out mind often, as it saw no way out of the mess. It was a tempting way to get out of the dark tunnel, until I watched some videos on youtube of people's terrifying experience on the 'other side' after a near death experience due to attempting suicide. There are so many people reporting the same thing that convince me that no way I want to try that one-way ticket. I rather stay put to deal with this temporary 'hell' than to risk otherwise.
I decide then that I would try to live at all cost. I use the approach that, if I can just find examples of people who have survived severe T (and H too in my case), then I know it is survivable, and I would use their attitude, strategies, philosophies or whatever they rely on to help me soldier on with T & H. Additionally, I used examples of people surviving the endless tortures of Stalin's Gulag to help motivate my fighting spirit. I searched internet with people dealing with acute chronic pain to see how they cope (there I found Darlene Cohen who survives her pain from young 20 to near 70). Ultimately, I searched for people with loud and unmaskable T to see how they can survive this ordeal. Well some people with deafness are known to have unmaskable T. One lady actually was in the same area I live. Through our conversation, she had survived 12 years of unmaskable T due to partial deafness, been to ER a few times, lost her marriage, on Klonopin for this long too to cope, but she has survived her T and now moving on.
Another one just came to the support forum I was in back then to introduce her tinnitus film. She is an attractive, young lady Zoe Cartwright with loud and unmaskable T which she described as *^%$#@! loud. Her T became unmaskable since she became completely deaf at 15. Somehow, bless her, she manages to choose acceptance over resistance and move on to pursue her goal to attend university. Against all odds, she made it. After 10 years of the unmaskable T, she made the tinnitus short film which I already posted about on page 15 of the Positivity Thread. The film title of 7.24.52.10 was chosen because she said her loud unmaskable T was for 7/24, 52 weeks a year for 10 years at the time of the film. She survived it and even said she loves her life. Amazing and shocking to me, honestly. How did she survive that endless noise in her waking hours all these years? But she did it, believe it or not. Is loud T really that unbearable or is it my acute negative reaction causing it?
Well, her example is enough indication to me that with a certain attitude and approach and a persevering human spirit, T is survivable and livable. That is enough guiding light for me to decide to take on these T & H bullies and stay put & fight them on my feet. By fighting, it doesn't mean by more emotional or negative reactions, but by emulating what others have learned to do - acceptance (not accepting T but the reality of T in my life), positivity (I was very negative person before, hence my years of living with anxiety and panic disorders), patience (letting the body to have enough time to heal), strategies (CBT, mindfulness meditation, abdominal breathing), finding joy amid the pain (willing to peacefully co-exist with T and yet living life abundantly to compensate for any suffering from T). And you can add to that whatever you like to enjoy.
Perhaps with your bad back, try some swimming and gentle leisure walk in the park for your bad back. I have a bad back too. Once I hurt it so bad I had to be hospitalized and then was bedridden for 4 days. The next time I hurt it again I laid down for 12 days with excruciating pain. But slowly I did swimming, leisure walk, stretching exercise, strengthening exercise etc. Now I can go fishing, gardening, dancing, even some light lifting. Believe it or not, I over did it on lifting some garden compost soil a few days ago, and now my back tells me what I did wrong to it and why I forget about its history. LOL. Well, I just ice it and stretch it, then slowly it will give me back some flexibility. I will focus on what I can do positively about it now then worrying about it or getting depressed. There is always life still to enjoy for us guys with bad back. Cheers.
Back on T, I have learned the wisdom from a war veteran who replied to my inquiry how to live with T long term. He said, 'I am a soldier. I fight for a living. But with tinnitus, I have learned to ACCOMODATE it, and not to fight!'. What wisdom from a professional solider. I learn my lesson and apply the wisdom. In a few years, the tyranny of T over me is over. It still scream its lung out but me and my body don't give a dime to it now. Don't know how. It just happens over time when I stop resisting T. T can go to hell while I enjoy my earthly heaven. Don't give up the fight and don't give up on God, bro. If I Who Love Music can be back to silence after 40 years (per his success story post Back to Silence), you can't rule out anything and in time the medical world may come up with a solution. So hang in there. God has not forsaken you. So don't forsake yourself too. If you are interested in my success story post, you can read it up too with more detail about my journey with T & H. Take good care and God bless.
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...w-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/
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