Young Mother with Tinnitus

[Bramblewood]

Hi all. I'm a 34-year-old mother of three tiny children and what I need right now is moral support.

My tinnitus started up a few weeks ago, but now I realize it was always there, just quieter. I recently saw a very unsympathetic ENT who diagnosed me withhigh frequency hearing loss and basically told me to get over it.

The thing is, I feel I can handle the tinnitus -- I have busy days running around after my kids, I sew, I work from home, etc and they all distract me. But at night, the anxiety creeps in and no matter what I do to try to relax, the adrenaline prevents me from getting the rest I desperately need.

I consulted my naturopath and she put me on some herbal things which seem to have helped calm the anxiety and helped me get more of a handle on things. But the sleep is still slow in coming, and fitful. I have never in my life had a problem sleeping, so this is new to me.

I know this isn't going to go away and I do think I can habituate it - I'm already on the road to habituation, I feel. Especially because I can't let this ruin the rest of my life, or rob my kids of their mother's attention.

My husband is supportive but I don't think he understands why I can't control the panic.

So please, I need kind words right now. Especially from any other young mothers out there.

 

[Blue28]

Hi @Bramblewood

I sympathise with you, I really do. I have had tinnitus and hyperacusis for 10 months now and have a 2 year old daughter. It's not easy, I know. I also have high frequency hearing loss. You seem very positive and are already on the path to habituation, that's great. I am still struggling, as I hear my tinnitus ALL the time. For sleep I have an app on my mobile, I play nature sounds like a river, rain, ocean sound. Without it I can't get to sleep. If you don't use one already, take a look, there are some good free apps with nature sounds etc. It's not easy but try not to panic as it makes T worse. Take care

 

[Bramblewood]

Thank you, Blue28. I agree, the panic just makes everything worse; it's a vicious cycle! It's also hard not to freak out about this being permanent. I still have many decades to live (I assume), and it seems unthinkable to have to carry this with me.

It's my kids that are saving me, and I'm sure you'd say the same. They deserve a calm and present mama, above all else.

 

[volsung37]

The panic usually lasts about 6 months. Then the body somehow realises that tinnitus is not life threatening. This brings the adrenaline and cortisone levels down and sleeping, although still difficult, gets a little easier. You may also find you don't need as much sleep as you think you do. Although I know with tiny kids you might not get much sleep anyway.

 

[Samantha R]

@Bramblewood
I am sorry to hear about your struggles at night, but glad to hear you feel you can habituate to your tinnitus. That is positive.
I have a 2 year old and 7 month old twins.
The tinnitus started a month after the twins were born.
It's been an up and down journey for me, I am not habituated yet, but what choice do we have but to try. I won't let tinnitus ruin any more precious time with my babies.
I also use masking at night. I hate listening to the tinnitus!
I also take a low dose of Remeron - 15mg - that was a lifesaver in terms of helping sleep.
Sam.

 

[Bramblewood]

Thank you so much for the support and suggestions, volsung37 and Sam. It definitely is a constant struggle to remain positive, and it's a comfort to know I'm not alone.
Sam, did the Remeron give you any side effects? Or is the dose low enough that you don't notice any?

 

[Samantha R]

@Bramblewood
No side effects that I noticed - it can increase appetite, so you need to be wary of that. Hard for me to tell if it affected my appetite as I was breastfeeding as well, and that makes me ravenous too!
I have been able to lose 7kg over the last three months, so no negative effect on weight for me.

 

[Candy]

@Bramblewood sounds like you have the right attitude, very early days...nights are hard in the beginning. I have a sound generator, Oasis with 6 sounds which helps, alternatively try this:

The anxiety will subside, it takes a while. Personally after 8 months am down more than anxious but at least I can now sleep...now working in being up!
Have 2 kids, they keep me smiling and will not let T spoil the joy they bring...
Also try to get hold of those thoughts that are going round and round, write them...then challenge them x

 

[Samantha R]

@Candy
You have come so far and I think you are doing an amazing job.
Kids are the best reason to keep going and be happy.
Love Sam x

 

[MikeL1972]

Hi Bramblewood,

Welcome aboard!

It is a gradual process, but there will come a point where your mind will simply get sick and tired of the sound and tell your nervous system it's no longer a threat to your well-being. At that point, your stress and anxiety levels will not go up. Believe me, I know exactly where you're coming from. The best analogy I can give is it's like living with a wasps nest outside your window; if you do not bother them, they will not bother you. The same thing with tinnitus... it's there, but who cares. The mind is an incredibly powerful instrument... so powerful in fact that science and technology fully do not understand it - hence no official FDA cure for tinnitus. Good luck!

 

[Bramblewood]

Thank you all so much, you've helped a lot and given me more hope. MikeL1972, I've had some success with the "it's there, who cares" mentality. As long as there's no way to make it disappear, that sounds like the best approach!

 

[Bramblewood]

Sam, you mentioned that you were nursing at the time... I am finding my own milk supply drying up. Did you have that problem? As a mama who breastfed two kids into toddlerhood, I'm finding supplementing with formula to be one more trying experience added to the heap...

 

[Cityjohn]

My husband is supportive but I don't think he understands why I can't control the panic.

Explain to your husband that the only parallel to tinnitus is total madness. Whenever a schizophrenic hears voices in his/her head he/she can not ignore them because they are literally inside him/her. A good book to read about how this works from an experience perspective is one from Julian Jaynes called; The breakdown of consciousness in the breakdown of the bicameral mind.

 

[Samantha R]

@Bramblewood
Yes, I was nursing when the tinnitus started...
I've always had supply issues both times... after about 2 months my supply goes down. I take Domperidone (Motilium) which boosts my supply and allowed me to keep feeding. I decided to stop the Motilium about a month ago to be 'drug free', and the twins are now weaned. I am sad about it, but have to do what I feel is right for my body.
If you are stressed and if you are not getting enough sleep then your supply may be affected.
I know when I stopped waking to express anxiety in the night (as I was finding it hard to go back to sleep with the tinnitus), my supply started to go.... I blame tinnitus for that as I was setting my alarm every three hours to express and just couldn't do this with tinnitus.

 

[Bramblewood]

Ugh, Sam, I'm so sorry to hear about the trouble you had. I've been keeping up a supply, but it seem directly tied to how much sleep I've gotten the previous night!

 

[Samantha R]

@Bramblewood
It wasn't so bad as the medication gave me enough supply to feed four babies!
I just didn't want to be on the medication long term, but made it to 6.5 months of almost exclusive feeding the twins. I'm happy with that.
I probably would have stayed on the medication if I didn't have tinnitus....
never mind, babies are healthy and really getting in to their food now (they are nearly 8 months), so I'm happy.

 

[handmaiden]

Hi
Im so glad you have come to this forum for support. I have found it very helpful
I also have 2 young sons. I have high pitched tinnitus, 2 other tones and in one ear a beeping morse code type noise,
I have felt driven to the point of madness and suicide.
But as a mother you will understand I will drag my body out of bed for my beautiful boys and I will do everything in my power to be there for them. It upsets me they have realised I have a problem, as my ears hurt with loud noises and im often wincing when they even play loudly. My oldest boy has started to randomly come and hug me and tell his brother and friends to be quiet, the other day he asked if my tinnitus would ever go and said he felt sad for me. That breaks my heart as even though i try to hide it the despair is seeping out and he is picking it up....
So here are some of my coping strategies i hope they help you too.
1. have a shower, many times a day if needed, in the shower with music blaring i get some relief and can barely hear the T
2. massage your own temples and head or get your husband to do it (use lavender essential oil) (it sounds mad but touch is distracting and quite relaxing) if you can afford it get regular massages (ive had one and it helped relax me)
3. eat crunchy foods, apples oranges, that can partially mask my T
4. Bubble baths, lie while the bubbles are popping next to you ears that can mask the T a bit
5. put your feet in a bowl of either very cold or very hot water, it distracts the senses from the agony of the tinnitus in our head into your body
6. get out in windy environments, beaches, walking up hills etc
7. avoid complete silence
8. IPHONE masking apps - these are great and on itunes there are lots of tinnitus masking soundtracks that are a lifesafer at night times
9. Sometimes holding my nose and then lightly blowing trying to unblock my hears helps with the pressure (i have major ENT issues)
10. Steam inhalation with lavender oil its relaxing
11. Herbal sedatives, lavender oil capsules, passionflower tablets and valerian all work mildly for me
12 IN ABSOLUTE EMERGENCIES: valium or some other sedative prescribed by the GP (please note these are addictive and i only use them when i have constant suicidal intent and ideation for at least 3 days in a row)
MOST IMPORTANTLY - Please don't fall into the trap of thinking ' this is forever ' that is a lie, we only have today
I try and take each day as a block until bedtime. I think okay I just have to get to 8pm then ill bath, put on some masking music, take some herbal remedies, maybe an antihistamine (the sleep inducing type like NYTOL)
Please try to just take it one day at a time and we all know one day of this is enough for anyone.
I feel like i cant cope some day and i cant tell anyone i dont like the look on people faces when i tell them what i am going through - just knowing other people are going through this too can be helpful
Let us know you are getting on xxxx

 

[Bramblewood]

Wow, @handmaiden, thank you, thank you for this post. A lot of good information here, but mostly I want to tell you how strong you are for pulling it together for your boys. And while there is comfort in knowing others are going through the same thing, I got a little choked up reading what you wrote; I'm so sorry that this has brought you to the brink at times.
I hate that anyone here has to deal with this. It's a ridiculous thing, I've read that T is actually a normal brain response to hearing loss. OK, fine. But tell that to the mama who has to get out of bed every morning and make breakfast, and think about living the rest of her life with screeching in her ear.

I've made progress on putting those kinds of sleep-depriving thoughts out of my mind. I love going outside on windy days, or going to the grocery store - those are my best maskers so far! That and the clothes dryer.

Again, thanks for replying, and much love to you.

 

[Bramblewood]

Oh, meant to add that I totally relate to not wanting to tell people. I don't really want to hear what they think about it. They can't possibly imagine what it's like!

 

[Scared111]

you are right. they won't understand. i drag myself up everyday for my kids as well. put on a smile for them but sometimes wonder how i am going to pull thru for the rest of my life. pray for habituation. but wonder how anyone can habituate to this at the same time. The responsibility of being a mom while going thru this is very daunting. it breaks my heart to
know all your moms are suffering for the sakes of your kids and yet no one really understands. I hope we all find some peace.

 

[Marie79]

I consulted my naturopath and she put me on some herbal things which seem to have helped calm the anxiety and helped me get more of a handle on things. But the sleep is still slow in coming, and fitful. I have never in my life had a problem sleeping, so this is new to me.

I take .5 klonopin most nights to get to sleep.

 

[devonlee]

Oh, meant to add that I totally relate to not wanting to tell people. I don't really want to hear what they think about it. They can't possibly imagine what it's like!

I didn't tell anyone for fear of being laughed at. I just recently got hearing aids, apparently my tinnitus is related to hearing loss. Even now, when someone notices my hearing aids or asks about them I don't give them much detail and feel like I don't want to talk about it. No one will understand tinnitus until they have it. I played "tinnitus sounds" for my boyfriend a few days after it became a constant thing and within 30 seconds he was telling me to turn it off because it was annoying. I think that's the closest we can come to getting someone who doesn't have t to understand it.

 

[Scared111]

I take .5 klonopin most nights to get to sleep.

do you feel it helps lessen the sound? so far that seems to be the only thing that helps me sleep throughout the night. but it doesn't sound like most people think it can be used long term.

 

[BettyHasHope]

I take cbd pills and they help me fall asleep so good, I've never had sleeping problems since this condition as well.

 

[Marie79]

do you feel it helps lessen the sound? so far that seems to be the only thing that helps me sleep throughout the night. but it doesn't sound like most people think it can be used long term.

It lowers the sound or at least your anxiety toward it. I take it like 3-4 nights a week but I give it a break and have wine (yea not a great thing) the other nights).

 

[Scared111]

I take cbd pills and they help me fall asleep so good, I've never had sleeping problems since this condition as well.

what's cbd pills?

 

[Bramblewood]

Hi everyone, I thought I should report back in - first the good news, things are much better. First and absolutely foremost, I am sleeping regularly. And the tinnitus is now a background noise for me - MOST of the time.There are definitely still times when it annoys me, but I am able to keep it in its place, so to speak. I mentioned it to my dad and he said "Oh, I've had that for years." His careless attitude toward it was pretty encouraging.

That being said. The thing I really wanted to report back in on was the anxiety. That is still happening, despite my relaxing about the tinnitus. The naturopath I spoke to in the beginning suggested that I was probably suffering from postpartum anxiety - but I didn't really hear her at the time, I was so distracted by the tinnitus. However, after some time and reflection and internet research and speaking to my mom (a nurse) it all makes so much more sense now.

Before tinnitus, I was overwhelmed and tense. I work from home, I'd just had my third baby in five years, and I hadn't put a lot of effort into rebuilding myself after each birth. I now believe the tinnitus was the straw the broke the camel's back.

So I'm still working on the anxiety, racing thoughts, and doom feelings day by day, doing the things us mothers always seem to forget to do: physically nurturing and feeding myself, accepting help when it is offered, keeping perspective, drawing myself back to reality from the recesses of my mind.

I thought it important to put my experience out here, because the postpartum bit lends a whole new dimension to the tinnitus panic.

 

[Vicki14]

@handmaiden
Oh my goodness! What an absolutely spot on post! That was almost as though I had written that myself!!!! I'm a 44 year old mum to 3 beautiful daughters and acquired this horrid condition in 2016. I feel my life stopped at that poIsn't and it makes me so sad when I look back on life pre T... I feel robbed of my future. It's my amazing kids and hubby that get me through this each day, a bite at a time...
I truly hope this somehow gets better for us all as life is challenging enough without this thrown into the mix!! Much Xx

 

[Blue28]

@handmaiden
Oh my goodness! What an absolutely spot on post! That was almost as though I had written that myself!!!! I'm a 44 year old mum to 3 beautiful daughters and acquired this horrid condition in 2016. I feel my life stopped at that poIsn't and it makes me so sad when I look back on life pre T... I feel robbed of my future. It's my amazing kids and hubby that get me through this each day, a bite at a time...
I truly hope this somehow gets better for us all as life is challenging enough without this thrown into the mix!! Much Xx

@Vicki14 I feel the same...life pre T etc...if only

 

[louis86]

hello, your story seems familiar to mine. Lack of sleep due to tinnitus, panic because of tinnitus and then more lack of sleep because of panic. Ive been taking this stuff called Natural calm, magnesium powder, and it does seem to help me sleep. The tinnitus will improve, some days are worse than others but it will get better. avoid all loud noises and music.