I've been dipping in and out of this site since April of this year. There have been times when I felt that it was better not to participate, and then times when I felt that I had to join the voices of people who understand T's impact on our lives. I've told myself to stop looking for a cure and then I get sucked into some glowing report of a supplement or method that helps. Now I'm trying the middle road: check out a product, but don't pay extra for same day delivery! In other words, tamp down the hope and desperation responses or try to.
I'm trying to face reality, and it's not always pretty, but it's also not always as bad as I think it is:
1. Yes, I would give just about anything to "cure" or at least reduce my T. I want a cure. No lying to myself.
2. So far, there is no cure.
3. The major complication I see in my dealings with T and those of others on these forums is anxiety. Many of us, even before the T, suffered from anxiety and/or depression.
4. There are ways to reduce anxiety and depression.
5. The thing I see and hear about that helps the most is attitude. We have so much conditioning to have a negative attitude that doesn't help in this struggle. (I won't go into it here, but our conditioning includes family stuff, cultural stuff and the self-talk that CBT addresses.) But those who seem to have the most substantial relief have a positive outlook, about adapting to and living with T. Sometimes this comes from a kind of religious conviction, which I just don't have and probably never will unless a religious figure literally shows up in my bedroom, holds my head and stops the noises. I envy those who are believers - but I'm not on that train.
6. Attitude adjusting takes work. There are people on these forums who have been really helpful with their own work on this. Meditation, so far, is the one thing I can count on to help me, but it takes a commitment I'm not always able to make. Hope is very important to me in terms of attitude. Whether it's delusional or not, I need hope - that there is something that I can do to reduce my suffering. But if I expect miracles, or a consistent positive result from some approach, I'm setting myself up for despair.
7. Finally, I have to walk the fine line of not wallowing in this torment and not isolating myself from others who know what it is. The best way to do that for me so far is to minimally look at the forums about treatments and to not look at forums about despair. I feel bad about that, because some day I'd like to be at a place where I can respond to the despair and maybe help. Right now I'm not there. I have suicidal days, hopeless days, etc. I also know that though I've reached out to people for help, it's up to me to figure out what works for me. Wallowing doesn't work and isolation doesn't work either.
This is hard but we're not isolated.
