Keith Handy
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  • I think I could handle a few years without music; I just long for the mental clarity to do other creative projects in the meantime.
    Anyone have tones that slowly weave in and out? Not to the rate of your pulse, but much slower, like 20-30 seconds in, 20-30 seconds out?
    First day back at work was not too bad. Limiting myself to five hour shifts though. Well-rested and strict anti-inflammatory eating.
    Not-too-awful news: the psychiatrist really listened, took me seriously. I'm not being tossed to the curb just yet.
    At the slightest stimulation—stress or sound—my brain grasps for signals above 9KHz, & tunes in to garbage. This is why I believe in FX-322.
    If I just had MORE INFORMATION—what happened, what is going to happen—I could at least live decisively and not with all this fear.
    Bill Bauer
    I love your avatar.

    If you had experienced some improvement/fading compared to how you felt two months ago, your T will likely eventually fade. If that's your case, there is no reason to fear the future.
    Keith Handy
    Keith Handy
    My dream right now would be a definitive diagnosis and prognosis, and a real set of instructions on how to heal, even partially, not based on anecdotes.
    "Whose radio is that? Oh, it's just the toilet flushing." A thing I never had to say/think before the distortions started "tuning" stuff.
    I wish there was a way to bypass the ears and inject sound directly into the brain. An "aux in" jack for humans.
    I think the ultra-high frequency sounds bother me most partly because of their role in localization. They appear to "cut through my head."
    Trauma has frightened me into sharing some of my best original music, which I now can't enjoy, and everyone is praising it. Cruel irony.
    I've somehow trained my musical tinnitus to loop a version of Queen's "Play the Game." Not as good as hearing real music, but it's a crumb.
    Woke up, it was *screaming* at me. Speed-walked some laps, took a shower, it's calmer for now. Wish it had a "hold like this" button.
    martinberryhorse
    Same. I can get it down to a hiss but as soon as I go and do anything it spikes back.
    Keith Handy
    Reactive T holds you hostage like that, unless you're OK with plowing forward into the hornets' nest.
    Just think, a few short months ago I had no idea which end of the cochlea handled what. Now I'm a freakin' PhD.
    When I remove earplugs, I have a moment of relief. I believe it is because my brain gets more signal. It just needs even more.
    Look, what I said about "determination, not doom"—yeah, but I need to sleep at night too. Or any time. Whenever. Please.
    twa
    If I've had a pretty busy day, I am able to sleep. I need to be both physically and mentally active. You may already have a busy schedule, I also take time every night to watch a new or favorite show with a hot pack behind my neck before I go to bed.
    GBB
    Video games and Xanax.
    Keith Handy
    I somehow got out of fight-or-flight well enough to sleep long and deep yesterday. Actually feeling *sleepy*, rather than just exhausted, was something I sorely needed. Had one earplug in, meditated for 20 minutes first, clean sheets and new pillow. Also left the heat off because the furnace is too loud.
    What do you do for comfort? I find something that works for a little while but then it stops working and I have to find something else.
    twa
    I get involved in a project. Being busy seems to help most of all. Next, I would say taking a walk outside. Third, I do an online Bible study through BSF.org and I enjoy the weekly online meetings with other people, discussing the lesson and being part of a group. Fourth, spending time with my family (not ones that stress me out).
    Keith Handy
    That's all more advanced than me so far. I'm at "able to sit at the laptop for a bit."
    This whole forum reduced to two posts: "So-and-so recommends trying X." "I tried X and it made it worse."
    twa
    Man, I start getting down if I read throughout the forum. Now, I'm focusing on research and success stories.
    Keith Handy
    Yeah! The FX thread alone is like an oasis.
    Starting to hear my phantom bass note not as one of doom, but of determination. We are on a mission. (High squeal is still garbage though.)
    Crap, all I did was talk on the phone with a friend and then play the bass without an amp for a little while, and now I'm being punished.
    Email from a music-mixing email subscription: "How To Develop Great Ears" ... yeeeah, this would have been fun to read a few months ago.
    Cochlear diagrams on the web are all confusing cutaways - anyone know of an animated diagram that puts everything in 3D perspective?
    Reactive tinnitus: "Yo, I heard you like sound, so here's a sound for when you hear sound to let you know there's a sound."
    Ava Lugo
    Yea lol but seriously though...Fuck reactive T.
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