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yeah okay i get it, someone else has it worse and i should get over it. i know that, i know all that. fuck this, i'll just off myself

I have no issue with honesty, all I'm saying is that the whole "someone else has it worse" thing doesn't make me feel better, lol. This is the problem - I don't want to live like this. This kind of existence isn't living, it's just waiting for the day to end. What's the point? (And I don't...

You're right, I immediately feel better about my life now and all the terrible thoughts are gone!

There's a door in our otherwise quiet-ish office that people keep slamming. Fortunately I'm not that close to it, but one of these days it feels like I'm going to flip...

@Michael Leigh I'm afraid there's not much else I can do - I've started using the WNGs, read every article available multiple times and I'm only getting more bitter, not less. I used to be able to talk to my friends, now I just want to tell them to kill themselves. The escitalopram I was given...

@Bobbie7 I couldn't disagree more about the whole "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger" approach. I have battled mental illness for most of my teenage and young adult years. I do not feel one bit stronger for it. I've gone through things that most people in my age group couldn't even imagine...

...which I would gladly do, if there was a person like that in my country. It's not even the tinnitus that really gets me at this point, it's the hyperacusis *sigh*

That would actually make things much easier, as I would immediately know that my life was over and I would kill myself as soon as I got the chance. This was, I'm still having trouble gathering the courage necessary for it. Then again, I have an eye disease so I might end up legally blind either...

Because I sure do. I have reactive tinnitus and hyperacusis and I've become extremely limited in what I can do. Unfortunately, this has caused me to hate the people who are close to me - I don't see my friends anymore, nor do I really talk to them online because I just cannot get over the...

Probably a form of reactive tinnitus. I have a lot of tones, but some of them only pick up if I hear certain kinds of broadband noise.

Just invest in a real dB meter - they're quite affordable and you won't have to deal with worrying about all this.

No offense, but 1: it clearly is an option, Chester has just provided an example and 2: you're actively choosing to participate in these threads and telling everyone it's stupid... what are you hoping to achieve? I've started looking up lawyers and making sure my will is legally perfect, and...

I have the exact same thing! I wonder why it happens.

Oh yeah, it does that. Mine feels like I have a sunburn inside my ears. @Lex I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Wish I could say something to make you feel better but the best we can do is a hug emote. Hang in there, for now.

I'm sorry you have to deal with that. I'm sure there's some other medication you can get that doesn't spike your T. Hang in there!

Yeah, that's... what?

The Peltor X5A is a very popular choice for many people with H on this forum - I use it myself.

I mean... that's a clear sign from your body that something isn't right. Maybe you should rest your ears for now.

Beginning phase of H was like that for me - now, the sounds actually hurt. Be careful with your ears.

You Yup! Go if it happens again, especially if you have really bad vertigo and dizziness with it. Could be an early sign of Meniere's.

Oh! Nah, I wish. I just know that I had an absolutely horrible time with my foam earplugs and poked myself in the eardrum. Then I had custom plugs made and those are safe to put in.

I was trying to agree with you, lol... it's easy to hit the drum!

Yup. I hear remote car alarms all the time! Turns out, they're in my head...

Sorry I couldn't be more help! I hope you find the device that's right for you!

@Fabrikat For what it's worth, I was told that "all the other patients made it work" and apparently it was "not supposed to block everything"... but I was also told by a different audiologist that every person is different and hearing is subjective and that if I absolutely hate the device, I...

Eh, I managed to poke my eardrum with normal foam earplugs and it was hella painful... it's really easy to mess up if you don't know what you're doing.

@Fabrikat : I trialed the earplugs and they pretty much close my ears - I can literally not hold a conversation while wearing them, all I can hear is the noise mixed into my tinnitus. Everyday life is impossible when I have the things in, it's like being in a soundproof box with white noise...

Ugh, that sounds lovely. This shit is really unpleasant, isn't it? Ah yes, the infamous "D.VA PLS STAHP I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU DON'T BOOST AWAY NOOO" strat. Never gets old :D

@Fangen I'm Hungarian - but I'm pretty broke, I can't afford to go abroad for treatment. I've decided to hand these earplug-style WNGs back and go for an open ear design hearing aid with WNG functionality at Starkey. I'll pretty much have to DIY it at this point, it's the best I can hope for...

@Carlyi Such a wonderful thought, that I'm being systematically tortured for something someone else supposedly did ages ago! Truly the work of a benevolent, loving God!

@Wojtek Kalka Well, a person's life is mostly reduced to their suicide if they end up doing it, which is why it's hard to dissociate the act from the person... Egocentric, okay, I'll give you that. Shitty and stupid, nah. The only reason I'm still alive is because I'm terrified of death and...

@Wojtek Kalka I'm not saying you're not allowed to have an opinion, nor do I think that this is a topic that cannot be discussed - it's just that when you go to a forum full of deeply distressed people and basically call them shitty and stupid for considering suicide, well... You aren't going to...

@Wojtek Kalka I dunno, man. My father lost his ability to walk due to a degenerative disease long ago. If he decided that he's going to take his life because the quality of it was so bad, I would grieve him but I would understand. I'm not finding much joy in life these days due to a combination...

So I've decided on doing TRT and contacted the only person who really knows about it in my country. Read up on it as much as I could, and by now it has become clear that the place I found does not adhere to the standard TRT model. 1: No tinnitus counselling. The doctor insists on having...

@Fangen How does yours react? I get new tones added into the mix every few weeks, it's been an absolute pain :\ (Oh no, diva D.Vas... I bet you don't even notice when the Harmony Orb is already on you! *shakes robotic fist* That seems to be a thing with D.Vas, bless 'em)

I wish that was the case for mine... reactive tinnitus with hyperacusis is a b****. :( Anyway, greetings D.Va! Do you need healing?

Ah, I just saw that you added the "it got worse" option... yeah, mine's getting worse.

Done!

The fun thing about tinnitus is that it's completely unpredictable - it's just going to do whatever it wants most of the time. Make sure to see a good ENT who actually gives a crap about this. If the infection has 100% cleared, there's a good chance it will go away.

I get both exploding head syndrome and sleep paralysis. Highly unpleasant stuff, ugh.

Yo, I see you around a lot, posting the same type of question (how loud is an alarm? How loud are hammers etc). I know you're scared, but no one can tell if the spike you got was temporary, or how loud an elkhound's bark is. Are you getting help for your tinnitus and your anxiety? This forum...

I ended up buying a proper dB meter and when I compared the results with an Android app, well... the app wasn't anywhere near reality. I would rather not rely on phones.

Yeah, I'd do this. If he kicks you out over a health problem... well, that's super fucked up.

He seriously gave me a heart attack there, lol

I will give it a shot and see what my teacher says...I careless what other students might think...I want to do what I love, but i will not push myself further into hell with these ears. If my teacher says no, then i will stop going there and figure something else out (it will be very painful...

@Michael Leigh Yeah, that's what I've read everywhere. I'll contact them soon. The maskers are being shipped back to the manufacturer due to the lack of vents anyway, so I might as well ask. Thanks!

Yeah @GregCA , that's a huge part of it. I have multiple T sounds - I can completely tune out some of them as they're not terribly intrusive, but the one that sounds like microphone feedback combined with a remote car alarm? Hoo boy.

@Michael Leigh Yeah, that's what I thought, that it'll go from very low to almost silent - but apparently the setting right above "off" is way, way louder than I expected. My T isn't low either (I wish it was, I had mild stable T for 5 years that I didn't care about at all, what I'd give to have...

Ah, I see we're from the same region - hi! Hungarian here. That's the problem... I signed a document that I will pay for these devices as they're custom fit and cannot be reused and I don't know what to do...

Hi @Michael Leigh, I'm using these things: http://sejk.oep.hu/?s=segedeszkoz&ttt=310173353&termek=protone-png . Does that picture help? I haven't heard it beep at all, it seems to be a basic analog switch... I was advised to get these as they are very basic and the government partly funds...

Hi all, I'm starting TRT for T/H and I ordered my in-ear white noise generators two weeks ago. They arrived today and I went to see the audiologist/ENT to learn how to use them. There's only one problem - despite my T being loud enough that I can hear it in most environments, the lowest...

I don't know, I don't feel very proud lol... another thing tinnitus has taught me is that I'm too much of a coward to end it when it's time. *shrug*

Keratoconus. It's a pain in the arse and should have been diagnosed much sooner. But eh, doctors are incompetent.

Get your eyes checked by a cornea specialist and if they say it's fine, leave it alone and you will start to ignore it. Make sure it's a cornea specialist - for me, it was the first sign of a serious eye disease, which doctors failed to catch. I don't notice it anymore unless I go looking for...

Sometimes my tinnitus reacts to various forms of broadband noise - that might be it. Try a white noise YouTube video to see if it has the same effect. It went away when my hyperacusis got better for a while.

Yeah, clubbing with tinnitus is just not worth it.

Yeah, I use earplugs + earmuffs on the train/subway. Still makes me spike like whoa :(

Interesting. I've had T for many years now and I've never had it go up like this. Unfortunately I seem to be gaining new tones when exposed to sound (if I try to use public transport, it spikes and I get new tones that don't go away). I'm not sure what to think about that. I've actually had...

Just curious - what do you base that on? I slowly started spiking and gained hyperacusis this April and it only seems to be getting worse and worse... not better at all. :\

You're very welcome! It's a good site :)