I woke up today and saw my friend's instagram feed - it had a picture of our annual office party which was yesterday. The same party which gave me this life altered condition, exactly 1 year ago. So thought I'd come here and post my first thread.
I still remember everything that happened that night. Too much alcohol, too many friends, and a crazy loud Deejay. I was right next too the speakers (and so were my friends), but for some reason I was dancing more freely that day, just on every beat. The speakers were too loud, they took breaks in between but not me. Why, because I never knew such a thing called tinnitus and hyperacusis existed in my invincible world. I had everything, a good paying job, a great girlfriend (dang 2019 started on such a high note) other than a few issues at home (who doesn't anyway). But yeah, then the deejay stopped at midnight and my ears were ringing (so were my friends'). I didn't think much of it, had dinner and came home. And they were ringing when I got home as well. I called my girlfriend, told her all about the party and fun and how my ears were ringing, and slept. And well, they never stopped ringing.
Saw a couple of ENTs after a day, they gave me prednisone (got it in 36 hours, 60 mg dose), took it for 3-4 days and then I started getting all those suicidal thoughts and sleepless nights and threw it. Not sure if they'd helped, but I never finished them to see the results (regret it big time).
Coming to my tinnitus, it was mild to begin with. Could only hear it in quiet rooms, and hyperacusis was only for loud and for high frequency sounds. I started reading this forum and read that I should continue to protect from loud sounds (which I did, didn't go to concerts or parties like that) and not normal everyday sounds, but it never occurred to me that I live in a third world country and these normal everyday sounds like traffic, noisy restaurants, crowded malls, bus rides, subway rides are not normal at all. What I failed to understand is that people advising enriching normal sounds live in perfect developed areas like the USA or Europe and not some shitty third world country in south east Asia. But well, they are not to blame, I am, as my ears continued to hurt and I never listened to my own body. As a result, my tinnitus is now much much worse, hear it all day long at work, at home, watching TV, driving in car, walking with friends outside and the noise sensitivity on top of all that makes it miserable.
Now I continue to work, enduring pain, taking it a day at a time, and always worrying what if it continues to get worse. What if it gets worse to the point that I can't leave my home at all and go to work. I know my parents will take care of me to some extent, but in my early twenties, isolated in my home, with no life and no income, I won't survive that. I know I won't, because the only thing that was ever important to me, was my freedom. My freedom that I worked so hard to achieve in school and college. Without that, well, I won't survive. So I wonder, 3-4-5-10 years down the line, will my life still be the same? Going to work, scared of every loud noise making my condition worse, isolating myself and living alone and playing stupid games all day or will my condition stabilize to the point that I'll try to catch up on my lost years, start dating again and start living again? That's why I am giving myself 9 more years. If it remains the same or gets worse, I am out of here, if not, well, I would really really like to start over.
Really sorry for the negative post, this day is bringing a lot of emotions and I have no one else to talk to (really, no one else). To the newbies, this always isn't the case. Most people do get better. Listen to your body, protect your ears.
I still remember everything that happened that night. Too much alcohol, too many friends, and a crazy loud Deejay. I was right next too the speakers (and so were my friends), but for some reason I was dancing more freely that day, just on every beat. The speakers were too loud, they took breaks in between but not me. Why, because I never knew such a thing called tinnitus and hyperacusis existed in my invincible world. I had everything, a good paying job, a great girlfriend (dang 2019 started on such a high note) other than a few issues at home (who doesn't anyway). But yeah, then the deejay stopped at midnight and my ears were ringing (so were my friends'). I didn't think much of it, had dinner and came home. And they were ringing when I got home as well. I called my girlfriend, told her all about the party and fun and how my ears were ringing, and slept. And well, they never stopped ringing.
Saw a couple of ENTs after a day, they gave me prednisone (got it in 36 hours, 60 mg dose), took it for 3-4 days and then I started getting all those suicidal thoughts and sleepless nights and threw it. Not sure if they'd helped, but I never finished them to see the results (regret it big time).
Coming to my tinnitus, it was mild to begin with. Could only hear it in quiet rooms, and hyperacusis was only for loud and for high frequency sounds. I started reading this forum and read that I should continue to protect from loud sounds (which I did, didn't go to concerts or parties like that) and not normal everyday sounds, but it never occurred to me that I live in a third world country and these normal everyday sounds like traffic, noisy restaurants, crowded malls, bus rides, subway rides are not normal at all. What I failed to understand is that people advising enriching normal sounds live in perfect developed areas like the USA or Europe and not some shitty third world country in south east Asia. But well, they are not to blame, I am, as my ears continued to hurt and I never listened to my own body. As a result, my tinnitus is now much much worse, hear it all day long at work, at home, watching TV, driving in car, walking with friends outside and the noise sensitivity on top of all that makes it miserable.
Now I continue to work, enduring pain, taking it a day at a time, and always worrying what if it continues to get worse. What if it gets worse to the point that I can't leave my home at all and go to work. I know my parents will take care of me to some extent, but in my early twenties, isolated in my home, with no life and no income, I won't survive that. I know I won't, because the only thing that was ever important to me, was my freedom. My freedom that I worked so hard to achieve in school and college. Without that, well, I won't survive. So I wonder, 3-4-5-10 years down the line, will my life still be the same? Going to work, scared of every loud noise making my condition worse, isolating myself and living alone and playing stupid games all day or will my condition stabilize to the point that I'll try to catch up on my lost years, start dating again and start living again? That's why I am giving myself 9 more years. If it remains the same or gets worse, I am out of here, if not, well, I would really really like to start over.
Really sorry for the negative post, this day is bringing a lot of emotions and I have no one else to talk to (really, no one else). To the newbies, this always isn't the case. Most people do get better. Listen to your body, protect your ears.
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