Sorry for the wall of text, I am just giving a general background on my experience with, and occasion of, this very debilitating condition. I tried my best to write this in a flowing, fun kind of way, so I hope you all enjoy.
Around ten years ago I was introduced to the horrible affliction of tinnitus. For some history on my hearing before I lost some comprehendable range, I was constantly getting strange comments on how good my hearing actually is. I'd constantly hear people talking very quietly and understand it all. I'd hear moderate range conversations through walls in the large house I grew up in. It was almost torturous how good my hearing actually was. Before this instance, I could play violin by ear at one point, and I come from a very musical family. Violin, accordion, piano, banjo, flute, and guitar are no strangers to my ears, and I enjoyed the depth of music for every second that I possessed my near perfect range of hearing.
Now for the instance that haunts me forever, and even led to my eventual disconnect from religious communities, changing my view on the world and life in general. I was not the most popular or conformative person in my teens. I was very depressed, my parents were very worried about me. I was forced (as were my twin brother and sister) to go to a christian school (for reasons not related to depression; my oldest sister thrived in that environment so my parents thought it would be good for my brother, sister and me. Before going to this school i was very upbeat and happy, even excited for the environment change. This changed very quickly and in reality served as a fuel to the fire that burned for having to spend my teenage years a loner and acquaintance to most everyone)
At some point during a summer break, my parents thought it would be good for me to go, without my brother or sister, to a christian camp, named "The Edge". I was 13, and the past few years in a christian school had beat me down to a very low point in my life. After much pleading to not go I was finally forced into this hell. Alone, with a group of people I hardly knew, "christians" that pretended to want to know me, but couldn't get past my extreme looks (I wore a lot of black). Around day 3 of this event, we were in a daily chapel doing the hokey-pokey (worship routine) with a rock band leading, and boy did the second guitarist really wanna jam it out as hard as he could for the.. Glory of himself, i believe. There was nothing religious about this man's actions which lead to the sudden loss of a large range of my hearing. He was wailing away on the E string, yes, the very thin one, in fact! Really shredding it away when suddenly.. Technical audio difficulties lead to a sudden blast of Feedback, a pitch even higher and ten times more powerful than this tool's insistence on shredding for the glory of god.
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.....It rang out like a gun was fired right next to my ear. Both of my ears were in a sudden wave of pain and I could hardly hear above this sudden permanent dial tone. I ran out of the chapel, escorted with my counselor because I was visibly upset and facing the hard fact that I may never experience tranquil silence in my life again, and at worst, constantly asking others to repeat themselves like some conversational stutter. I was in the dorm room i was staying in, crying my heart out. The ringing, it was deafeningly loud. The counselor suavely stayed calm and assured me 'I have been to loud concerts and had ringing, but it goes away after a while'. I insisted to him, "No, this is different, my hearing is damaged, I will never hear things the same way again. The first few nights were a hell, as we slept in silent rooms. I remember laying on my back, wide awake from this hellish ring.
Since then, I have generally tried to protect my ears, listen to things that are quiet and soothing, and not ever sleep in complete silence, or even a silent room. I can't stand silence. My eyes well up with tears when I think back to my days as a young child in a theatre "Silence is golden". I agreed, and loved the stillness, the tranquility that moment offered as people took attention to the common respect and courtesy of letting others think and enjoy a movie without distractions.
I realized very quickly I was never going to have a silent moment in my life again, only in my dreams would that happen, but I don't remember dreams ever being quiet. I constantly have to have some kind of white noise to block out the distraction and mental anguish this condition causes me, not to mention the difficulty of comprehending language in certain pitches. So, it has now been 10 years. I was given false reassurance that my hearing would go back to normal, and if anything it has only gotten worse.
My name is David, and i'm 23 years old. I haven't experienced a silent moment in over 10 years but have learned to cope with what I am given. I feel like a certain level of musical appreciation was demolished, and I misunderstand what people are saying on a daily basis. I am a very talkative person, and I just felt the need to share my story. The circumstances regarding this injury, has made me battle my faith for years and what i feel about any sort of religious/supernatural conjecture. It has been a mental hell, and I have found scant resources for treatment. It's just another quirk of mine; something I have many of, as I have driven this road called life.
Around ten years ago I was introduced to the horrible affliction of tinnitus. For some history on my hearing before I lost some comprehendable range, I was constantly getting strange comments on how good my hearing actually is. I'd constantly hear people talking very quietly and understand it all. I'd hear moderate range conversations through walls in the large house I grew up in. It was almost torturous how good my hearing actually was. Before this instance, I could play violin by ear at one point, and I come from a very musical family. Violin, accordion, piano, banjo, flute, and guitar are no strangers to my ears, and I enjoyed the depth of music for every second that I possessed my near perfect range of hearing.
Now for the instance that haunts me forever, and even led to my eventual disconnect from religious communities, changing my view on the world and life in general. I was not the most popular or conformative person in my teens. I was very depressed, my parents were very worried about me. I was forced (as were my twin brother and sister) to go to a christian school (for reasons not related to depression; my oldest sister thrived in that environment so my parents thought it would be good for my brother, sister and me. Before going to this school i was very upbeat and happy, even excited for the environment change. This changed very quickly and in reality served as a fuel to the fire that burned for having to spend my teenage years a loner and acquaintance to most everyone)
At some point during a summer break, my parents thought it would be good for me to go, without my brother or sister, to a christian camp, named "The Edge". I was 13, and the past few years in a christian school had beat me down to a very low point in my life. After much pleading to not go I was finally forced into this hell. Alone, with a group of people I hardly knew, "christians" that pretended to want to know me, but couldn't get past my extreme looks (I wore a lot of black). Around day 3 of this event, we were in a daily chapel doing the hokey-pokey (worship routine) with a rock band leading, and boy did the second guitarist really wanna jam it out as hard as he could for the.. Glory of himself, i believe. There was nothing religious about this man's actions which lead to the sudden loss of a large range of my hearing. He was wailing away on the E string, yes, the very thin one, in fact! Really shredding it away when suddenly.. Technical audio difficulties lead to a sudden blast of Feedback, a pitch even higher and ten times more powerful than this tool's insistence on shredding for the glory of god.
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.....It rang out like a gun was fired right next to my ear. Both of my ears were in a sudden wave of pain and I could hardly hear above this sudden permanent dial tone. I ran out of the chapel, escorted with my counselor because I was visibly upset and facing the hard fact that I may never experience tranquil silence in my life again, and at worst, constantly asking others to repeat themselves like some conversational stutter. I was in the dorm room i was staying in, crying my heart out. The ringing, it was deafeningly loud. The counselor suavely stayed calm and assured me 'I have been to loud concerts and had ringing, but it goes away after a while'. I insisted to him, "No, this is different, my hearing is damaged, I will never hear things the same way again. The first few nights were a hell, as we slept in silent rooms. I remember laying on my back, wide awake from this hellish ring.
Since then, I have generally tried to protect my ears, listen to things that are quiet and soothing, and not ever sleep in complete silence, or even a silent room. I can't stand silence. My eyes well up with tears when I think back to my days as a young child in a theatre "Silence is golden". I agreed, and loved the stillness, the tranquility that moment offered as people took attention to the common respect and courtesy of letting others think and enjoy a movie without distractions.
I realized very quickly I was never going to have a silent moment in my life again, only in my dreams would that happen, but I don't remember dreams ever being quiet. I constantly have to have some kind of white noise to block out the distraction and mental anguish this condition causes me, not to mention the difficulty of comprehending language in certain pitches. So, it has now been 10 years. I was given false reassurance that my hearing would go back to normal, and if anything it has only gotten worse.
My name is David, and i'm 23 years old. I haven't experienced a silent moment in over 10 years but have learned to cope with what I am given. I feel like a certain level of musical appreciation was demolished, and I misunderstand what people are saying on a daily basis. I am a very talkative person, and I just felt the need to share my story. The circumstances regarding this injury, has made me battle my faith for years and what i feel about any sort of religious/supernatural conjecture. It has been a mental hell, and I have found scant resources for treatment. It's just another quirk of mine; something I have many of, as I have driven this road called life.
