Well, not sure what to say... I've had tinnitus for 14 years, for the first 2 years very high pitched and intrusive.... but either it settled or I managed to habituate to it.
My journey since then has been largely positive, not without the occasional bad spike or days of anxiety, but generally okay. I've been on light dosages of Clonazepam and Remeron that whole time... and I can say they have definitely helped me on this journey not of my own choosing. Also I take NAC daily, anywhere from 1200-1800mg, the higher dose when I have spiked.
In those years I became an avid traveler, seeing probably 50 countries... some of them not the quietest of places, but I managed, protecting my hearing as needed.
Last week, I attended the inaugural meeting of my Town Council... whom I had a big part in helping elect (or so they are telling me). Initially I stayed away from the main ceremony as I had just overcome a spike from a previous meeting where there was lots of clapping.
But I attended the "reception" after... and therein lay my mistake. I spent about the better part of an hour or so in a small conference room with about 25-30 people all talking. I had earplugs in my pocket, but for one of the reason or another, they stayed there. I took the occasional 5 minute break from the room but always kept going back to where "the action was". Even my friend, the new Mayor said at one point "is it too loud for you" and I said yes, so we took the conversation outside.
How loud it was, I don't know... 75-85 dB maybe? Had to raise a voice a bit to talk to my neighbour, and there was of course the usual loud "drunken" laughter from a few. No music, just lots of people in a small room.
Needless to say... my tinnitus spiked majorly the next day (the day of the reception it had been very very low), so I dosed myself with some prednisone (20mg the morning after, 20mg the next, 15, 10, 5... now off). The day after the initial spike, my T went really low... but was back with a vengeance the next day and has refused to settle since... seemingly getting worse.
I'm sleeping a lot... 10-12 hours and waking up back to the level of tinnitus where I was 14 years ago is becoming too much. I feel sometimes it is taking me back to those dark places, and my plans of going away at the end of the month (nothing booked) are essentially unreachable... last thing I want to do is ride on a plane for 15 hours and make it even worse, if it does not settle. Even if things did not get worse, if they don't get better... than the quality of doing what I love, will not be there.
Maybe I am spending too much time in quiet places for this to "heal"... but then again, I am feeling everything else is too loud. In some ways, I just feel... this is the end of the road, I've lived a pretty good life up to this point...not that I would think of doing anything drastic, but if I was struck down today... I would feel like I made the best of things as I could.
But really, I just feel like an idiot... I protect my hearing with plugs/muffs when I probably should not have and failed to do so when I should have. I am truly my own worst enemy.
My journey since then has been largely positive, not without the occasional bad spike or days of anxiety, but generally okay. I've been on light dosages of Clonazepam and Remeron that whole time... and I can say they have definitely helped me on this journey not of my own choosing. Also I take NAC daily, anywhere from 1200-1800mg, the higher dose when I have spiked.
In those years I became an avid traveler, seeing probably 50 countries... some of them not the quietest of places, but I managed, protecting my hearing as needed.
Last week, I attended the inaugural meeting of my Town Council... whom I had a big part in helping elect (or so they are telling me). Initially I stayed away from the main ceremony as I had just overcome a spike from a previous meeting where there was lots of clapping.
But I attended the "reception" after... and therein lay my mistake. I spent about the better part of an hour or so in a small conference room with about 25-30 people all talking. I had earplugs in my pocket, but for one of the reason or another, they stayed there. I took the occasional 5 minute break from the room but always kept going back to where "the action was". Even my friend, the new Mayor said at one point "is it too loud for you" and I said yes, so we took the conversation outside.
How loud it was, I don't know... 75-85 dB maybe? Had to raise a voice a bit to talk to my neighbour, and there was of course the usual loud "drunken" laughter from a few. No music, just lots of people in a small room.
Needless to say... my tinnitus spiked majorly the next day (the day of the reception it had been very very low), so I dosed myself with some prednisone (20mg the morning after, 20mg the next, 15, 10, 5... now off). The day after the initial spike, my T went really low... but was back with a vengeance the next day and has refused to settle since... seemingly getting worse.
I'm sleeping a lot... 10-12 hours and waking up back to the level of tinnitus where I was 14 years ago is becoming too much. I feel sometimes it is taking me back to those dark places, and my plans of going away at the end of the month (nothing booked) are essentially unreachable... last thing I want to do is ride on a plane for 15 hours and make it even worse, if it does not settle. Even if things did not get worse, if they don't get better... than the quality of doing what I love, will not be there.
Maybe I am spending too much time in quiet places for this to "heal"... but then again, I am feeling everything else is too loud. In some ways, I just feel... this is the end of the road, I've lived a pretty good life up to this point...not that I would think of doing anything drastic, but if I was struck down today... I would feel like I made the best of things as I could.
But really, I just feel like an idiot... I protect my hearing with plugs/muffs when I probably should not have and failed to do so when I should have. I am truly my own worst enemy.
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