18 Months In... Worsening.

[KelsterB]

Ok so hope I can get some support here.
I have had T for 18 months now and I have lots of new factors happening in my life.

When I first got T I was a mess, looking back now I did have a breakdown. I was off work sick and could not cope with general day to day life. I commenced Citalopram and over time that increased to 40mg which I was on until 8 weeks ago. I then went back to work and managed to continue with life having periods of weeks where the T would not bother me. I still got periods when it was all I could think about. Also I used to drink (not every night) quite a bit as this would silence it.

Fast forward to today and I have had to stop drinking and have weaned myself off the 40mg Citalopram to only 10mg. Why u ask? Well myself and my husband have began IVF to try to become pregnant for a very longed for baby.

My T had gone haywire though. It is pretty much an 8-10 everyday and in both ears. Predominantly it was present in my right ear only. This is causing me great anxiety and all I can think about. And now I'm thinking how the hell am I going to cope with being pregnant?

I would like to point out that it is not the IVF drugs that have exacerbated my T as it had started to get louder/anxiety increased before I commenced these. I understand also that with now only being on 10mg of Citalopram from 40mg will have an effect also.

I am so very very depressed about this in what should be an exciting time of my life. I am so very bitter that I have this incessant noise all the time which nothing can mask.
All positive replies welcome.

 

[Samantha R]

@KelsterB
I am so sorry to hear about your increase, does seem tied to your anti-depressant dose reduction.
Would you consider going back up and seeing if that brings your tinnitus back down?
My three children were conceived via IVF (one set of twins), and the process itself is very draining and emotional so you need to make sure you can cope with this.
Have you had a chat to your doctor about going back on the Citalopram? I don't know if this is safe during pregnancy, but maybe something to consider talking further with your doctor about.
Do you know what may have caused your tinnitus in the first place?

 

[KelsterB]

Thank you for commenting @Samantha R.
My IVF consultant asked me to wean off slightly - So I thought 10mg would safer than 40mg. I do know people that have been on citalopram during their pregnancies and their babies have been fine. I just wanted to give the IVF the best possible chance by being healthy. I understand what you're saying, that it is an emotional process and perhaps tapering down my antidepressants will not help with this. It's such a tricky situation and I honestly thought that 18 months in I would be able to cope better than I am! Having said that I know I am coping 90% better than when I first got this god awful T.
It stems from hearing loss which is hereditary; my mum has it a long with hearing loss.
I think that because I used to have some wine when my T was really annoying me and causing great anxiety, and now I can't do that I am beginning to realise that it always should have been this way. Do you understand what I mean? By drinking, it silenced it and I had respite. Now the only respite I get is when I'm asleep which doesn't help my conscious state!!
So lovely to hear you have had 3 babies from IVF. Did you have T when pregnant? If so, did you cope?

 

[Samantha R]

@KelsterB
No, I didn't have tinnitus when I was pregnant.... it came out of the blue for me exactly one month after my twins were born.
They are nine months now (I also have a 2 year old) and I still struggle emotionally at times but slowly getting there.
An increase would be tough though.... but we at least know the beast we are dealing with.
You are lucky that a glass of wine helps your tinnitus! yes, we come to rely on these things and they become routine in our management of the tinnitus.
Good luck with the cycle, hope you get that miracle baby you deserve!

 

[KelsterB]

Suppose I never thought I was lucky that alcohol helps, always looked at it as negative thing!
Being healthy is more important to me though right now.
I really need to know from women with pre existing tinnitus whether theirs got worse in pregnancy. Its the unknown that is the worst and i know that's the anxiety.
Tough one.
Thank you for replying and I hope you get to where you want to be emotionally and enjoy your babies!