So, having a spike/increase in tinnitus after 4 years (4 years tomorrow I believe...yay ).
I got to the point yesterday when I realized I couldn't hear it in the office (only when I moved/walked around). If walking around outside I could only hear it when concentrating on it (hard not to do currently), and when driving in the car, I could only hear it when driving slowly in-between songs.
However, yesterday evening I went to a martial arts class, I was determined to continue to do my normal things. As soon as I went into the hall I could really hear my tinnitus, the loudest that it has ever been (!!!). It was so loud, intrusive and loud over the instructor (I could still hear him).
Inside I was so broken at this point and just didn't understand what was happening after 4 years of "normality". I wanted to run away... but I didn't.
The tinnitus subsided a little after about 45 mins, but could hear it until I got home, when I went back to my "new baseline". It stayed like that for the rest of the evening when watching TV. Then shower (cant hear it) and sat on my bed watching a few YouTube with my fan on (I've always had white noise even before tinnitus), couldn't hear it.
I put my masker on (crickets), could still hear my high-pitched tinnitus, but fell to sleep on my "bad side".
Woke up with anxiety this morning around 5:30 and drifted in and out of sleep until just after 7.
I think I still find it easy to get to sleep as you're in bed and have the maskers on and feel like you've won the day. In the morning, the battle starts again!
I was going to post last night after my new new spike, but then thought that even if I got some reassurance from here, until I believed it myself, would really matter?!?!
My mindset changed a little to a "so what" attitude....
I heard my tinnitus loudly when doing a martial arts class, but I still did it. I can only hear my new tinnitus in quiet times in the car/office/walking outside (ultra high pitch tinnitus is still heard of course). In reality these happen less and less and I'm sure my brain will start to filter the tinnitus out in these situations, it has done before (ultra high-pitched tinnitus).
It's annoying that my tinnitus sounds like office sounds (i.e. is that my tinnitus or a low hum of the air, or an electric device somewhere)... which causes my brain to keep asking me the question... and me sometimes checking... for now.
Anyway, I feel a made a very small step forward yesterday. I'm still scared and annoyed that my tinnitus is "back" in my life... after having this thing 4 years, it's only really affected me for approx 3-4 of those months... I want that to continue.
Anyway, these are my current thoughts that I thought I would share. Keep fighting everyone.
I got to the point yesterday when I realized I couldn't hear it in the office (only when I moved/walked around). If walking around outside I could only hear it when concentrating on it (hard not to do currently), and when driving in the car, I could only hear it when driving slowly in-between songs.
However, yesterday evening I went to a martial arts class, I was determined to continue to do my normal things. As soon as I went into the hall I could really hear my tinnitus, the loudest that it has ever been (!!!). It was so loud, intrusive and loud over the instructor (I could still hear him).
Inside I was so broken at this point and just didn't understand what was happening after 4 years of "normality". I wanted to run away... but I didn't.
The tinnitus subsided a little after about 45 mins, but could hear it until I got home, when I went back to my "new baseline". It stayed like that for the rest of the evening when watching TV. Then shower (cant hear it) and sat on my bed watching a few YouTube with my fan on (I've always had white noise even before tinnitus), couldn't hear it.
I put my masker on (crickets), could still hear my high-pitched tinnitus, but fell to sleep on my "bad side".
Woke up with anxiety this morning around 5:30 and drifted in and out of sleep until just after 7.
I think I still find it easy to get to sleep as you're in bed and have the maskers on and feel like you've won the day. In the morning, the battle starts again!
I was going to post last night after my new new spike, but then thought that even if I got some reassurance from here, until I believed it myself, would really matter?!?!
My mindset changed a little to a "so what" attitude....
I heard my tinnitus loudly when doing a martial arts class, but I still did it. I can only hear my new tinnitus in quiet times in the car/office/walking outside (ultra high pitch tinnitus is still heard of course). In reality these happen less and less and I'm sure my brain will start to filter the tinnitus out in these situations, it has done before (ultra high-pitched tinnitus).
It's annoying that my tinnitus sounds like office sounds (i.e. is that my tinnitus or a low hum of the air, or an electric device somewhere)... which causes my brain to keep asking me the question... and me sometimes checking... for now.
Anyway, I feel a made a very small step forward yesterday. I'm still scared and annoyed that my tinnitus is "back" in my life... after having this thing 4 years, it's only really affected me for approx 3-4 of those months... I want that to continue.
Anyway, these are my current thoughts that I thought I would share. Keep fighting everyone.