Member3 Years of Tinnitus
Today is exactly 3 years from the day my tinnitus started... I saw the Facebook Anniversary post of a check-in at the theater I attended and where a loud sound effect (gun shot) caused me this issue... It reminded me that sometimes, a simple decision like going or not at a theatrical play can change your later life so much...
Phase 1: The Panic
I still remember the terror of the first night when I fell on my bed and noticed the constant ringing in my left ear.
I tried to persuade myself that it is only in my mind or that it is something that will soon end. But it was there the next day and the very next... And my panic was constantly increasing... I was quite lucky because during the day the ambient noise of the city covered the ringing, and only when I was in a quiet room or with headphones muted I could hear it.
I went to the doctor 5-6 days later thinking he would find the cause, he would give me a pill and all would go away...
But it didn't... The doctor didn't find anything and told me that is an acoustic trauma. He gave me some steroids to see if it would become better, but he told me that most likely it won't go away...
I was in panic.... I went to another doctor but the diagnosis was the same.. He told me I would get used to it.
I wanted to scream, to cry... What do they say?! How can I get used to this thing?! No way!! I was cursed... My life was miserable and I was feeling so lonely... My family and friends couldn't understand the struggle... But how could they?! If you haven't suffered from tinnitus, you cannot imagine it.
Suddenly my life seemed to be very long... How would I live 10-20-30 or more years with this ringing? I was putting on music each night to help me sleep... In cases when I was waking up and once noticing the ringing being there I started crying... I was in denial, anger, asking "why me?!", and I was really close to depression...
Phase 2: This Forum
Some weeks later I found that forum... It was a bitter-sweet experience... I felt less lonely because I found so many people to understand me and sharing stories, struggles etc. that reduced my panic and stress instantly by a significant amount. But I felt really sad seeing all these people suffer like me or even more, a lot more... I still wonder how, besides the fact that thousands of people are suffering, there is still no cure!
Phase 3: From Denial to Acceptance
This was a very hard step... Accepting you are going to have tinnitus forever. Still no cure, no miracles, no one to help. It will be a part of you for the rest of your life. And you will survive.
I saw many people on this forum having tinnitus for years and they were still alive, many of them were very positive and supportive. And I gradually went to the acceptance phase. Instead of googling "pills from a rare China tree to cure tinnitus" I started to search for ways of living happily along with tinnitus.
I stopped complaining the whole time, discussing again and again of how unlucky I was... I stopped making this a priority in my life.
Phase 4: Hyperacusis
The doctors told me that gradually along with tinnitus I would also lose part of my hearing. Well I was one of the rare cases who instead developed hyperacusis. I heard things around 30% louder in my left ear. This meant wearing earplugs in loud places to bear the pain in my ears and an uncomfortable way of trying to understand from where any sound came from. If a coin fell at my right side, I may have searched for it at my left side because I heard it louder from that ear... Quite awkward but manageable...
Phase 5: Not Hearing Your Tinnitus
At this point I should say a big thank you to @I who love music and the Back to Silence thread. I had started to notice that during nights I was happy and my mind was thinking of a loved one let's say, I was sleeping without noticing my tinnitus. I was waking up and I was thinking "what the hell, did it go away?" Well no it was there, but I understood I tricked my mind by adding an extra layer of something more important on top to cover its focus from the ringing.
The method @I who love music created affirmed me that yes, we can trick the mind... we can make it believe the ringing is an outside, totally unimportant, ambient noise and gradually ignore it. I used his method: not measuring how loud the tinnitus is... Well I was constantly measuring it hoping it would be quieter, but I was always wrong and it was always louder! And my mind was 100% focusing on it and I was thinking that something bad was happening, increasing my adrenaline levels and making my tinnitus worse. Vicious cycle!
So I stopped to measure it and if I was about to think of how loud it is, I started to think something else... I was thinking of a task I managed to accomplish at work, or a movie I just saw, or simply dreaming of a future happy scenario in my head.. I noticed that when I was thinking of sad or happy stories and had these feelings, I was in silence...
Sometime I was thinking of my mind as the Eye of Sauron in Lord of the Rings... If I was wearing the ring it would stare at me and could destroy me. So I was trying to destruct it to turn to something else and let me, "Mr Frodo", continue my journey in peace. The ring is still in my pocket though - the tinnitus didn't leave, it is still there, but I do not hear it anymore!
Phase 6: In Silence
It was hard and still is sometimes. Now for example that I am writing this post, the tinnitus is here with me. Because I write about it, I think of it, I give it attention and it responds back to me. I say to it: «hey don't think you will stay for long, it is only for a while my friend, after the post button, you will be muted again my dear!"
It is not an easy or straight forward method, sometimes it is worse but I can say that 90% of the time, even more, I totally forget that it exists. If I think of it and try to measure it, yes it is there 100%, loud and persistent. But most of the time I simply do not hear it.
I wanted to share this story because with my "3 years with my friend tinnitus" anniversary I remembered the phase 1 struggles and I am thankful for the phase I am in now and wanted to spread some hope to all.
We are not alone! And I need to thank the members of this community from the bottom of my heart!
Many wishes to all of you for silent days!
With love,
Christina from Greece
Today is exactly 3 years from the day my tinnitus started... I saw the Facebook Anniversary post of a check-in at the theater I attended and where a loud sound effect (gun shot) caused me this issue... It reminded me that sometimes, a simple decision like going or not at a theatrical play can change your later life so much...
Phase 1: The Panic
I still remember the terror of the first night when I fell on my bed and noticed the constant ringing in my left ear.
I tried to persuade myself that it is only in my mind or that it is something that will soon end. But it was there the next day and the very next... And my panic was constantly increasing... I was quite lucky because during the day the ambient noise of the city covered the ringing, and only when I was in a quiet room or with headphones muted I could hear it.
I went to the doctor 5-6 days later thinking he would find the cause, he would give me a pill and all would go away...
But it didn't... The doctor didn't find anything and told me that is an acoustic trauma. He gave me some steroids to see if it would become better, but he told me that most likely it won't go away...
I was in panic.... I went to another doctor but the diagnosis was the same.. He told me I would get used to it.
I wanted to scream, to cry... What do they say?! How can I get used to this thing?! No way!! I was cursed... My life was miserable and I was feeling so lonely... My family and friends couldn't understand the struggle... But how could they?! If you haven't suffered from tinnitus, you cannot imagine it.
Suddenly my life seemed to be very long... How would I live 10-20-30 or more years with this ringing? I was putting on music each night to help me sleep... In cases when I was waking up and once noticing the ringing being there I started crying... I was in denial, anger, asking "why me?!", and I was really close to depression...
Phase 2: This Forum
Some weeks later I found that forum... It was a bitter-sweet experience... I felt less lonely because I found so many people to understand me and sharing stories, struggles etc. that reduced my panic and stress instantly by a significant amount. But I felt really sad seeing all these people suffer like me or even more, a lot more... I still wonder how, besides the fact that thousands of people are suffering, there is still no cure!
Phase 3: From Denial to Acceptance
This was a very hard step... Accepting you are going to have tinnitus forever. Still no cure, no miracles, no one to help. It will be a part of you for the rest of your life. And you will survive.
I saw many people on this forum having tinnitus for years and they were still alive, many of them were very positive and supportive. And I gradually went to the acceptance phase. Instead of googling "pills from a rare China tree to cure tinnitus" I started to search for ways of living happily along with tinnitus.
I stopped complaining the whole time, discussing again and again of how unlucky I was... I stopped making this a priority in my life.
Phase 4: Hyperacusis
The doctors told me that gradually along with tinnitus I would also lose part of my hearing. Well I was one of the rare cases who instead developed hyperacusis. I heard things around 30% louder in my left ear. This meant wearing earplugs in loud places to bear the pain in my ears and an uncomfortable way of trying to understand from where any sound came from. If a coin fell at my right side, I may have searched for it at my left side because I heard it louder from that ear... Quite awkward but manageable...
Phase 5: Not Hearing Your Tinnitus
At this point I should say a big thank you to @I who love music and the Back to Silence thread. I had started to notice that during nights I was happy and my mind was thinking of a loved one let's say, I was sleeping without noticing my tinnitus. I was waking up and I was thinking "what the hell, did it go away?" Well no it was there, but I understood I tricked my mind by adding an extra layer of something more important on top to cover its focus from the ringing.
The method @I who love music created affirmed me that yes, we can trick the mind... we can make it believe the ringing is an outside, totally unimportant, ambient noise and gradually ignore it. I used his method: not measuring how loud the tinnitus is... Well I was constantly measuring it hoping it would be quieter, but I was always wrong and it was always louder! And my mind was 100% focusing on it and I was thinking that something bad was happening, increasing my adrenaline levels and making my tinnitus worse. Vicious cycle!
So I stopped to measure it and if I was about to think of how loud it is, I started to think something else... I was thinking of a task I managed to accomplish at work, or a movie I just saw, or simply dreaming of a future happy scenario in my head.. I noticed that when I was thinking of sad or happy stories and had these feelings, I was in silence...
Sometime I was thinking of my mind as the Eye of Sauron in Lord of the Rings... If I was wearing the ring it would stare at me and could destroy me. So I was trying to destruct it to turn to something else and let me, "Mr Frodo", continue my journey in peace. The ring is still in my pocket though - the tinnitus didn't leave, it is still there, but I do not hear it anymore!
Phase 6: In Silence
It was hard and still is sometimes. Now for example that I am writing this post, the tinnitus is here with me. Because I write about it, I think of it, I give it attention and it responds back to me. I say to it: «hey don't think you will stay for long, it is only for a while my friend, after the post button, you will be muted again my dear!"
It is not an easy or straight forward method, sometimes it is worse but I can say that 90% of the time, even more, I totally forget that it exists. If I think of it and try to measure it, yes it is there 100%, loud and persistent. But most of the time I simply do not hear it.
I wanted to share this story because with my "3 years with my friend tinnitus" anniversary I remembered the phase 1 struggles and I am thankful for the phase I am in now and wanted to spread some hope to all.
We are not alone! And I need to thank the members of this community from the bottom of my heart!
Many wishes to all of you for silent days!
With love,
Christina from Greece
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