- May 27, 2017
- 7
- Tinnitus Since
- 2010
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Noise, then Wellbutrin
Hey Y'all,
I first got tinnitus about 10 years ago. I couldn't hear what a friend was saying at a loud show, so she decided to yell directly in my ear. It caused me distress on and off over the years but I ultimately habituated to it.
5 years ago I fell into a horrible depression. I have tried every therapy you can think of to no avail. I am a trained herbalist and I have found nothing in the way of holistic therapies or nutritional supplements that has done a thing for my mental health. I have tried about 10 different antidepressant drugs and each one has either done nothing, sent me into an acute suicidal state, or has left me with lasting harm. The most regrettable of these is Wellbutrin, which almost immediately damaged both of my ears and has left me with severe tinnitus and chronic pressure in my right ear. It has been about 7 months since this happened.
Since developing Tinnitus, I have had to withdraw from Valium, which rendered me bedridden for 2 months, and I have not felt the same since. My mind is clouded, my memory is shot, I have no energy and I am so anxious and depressed that I can't even think of anything to do with my time. I am just killing time, listening to this screech in my ears, and trying my hardest to steer my mind away from suicidal thoughts and planning. Most of my friendships have faded away and my savings is dwindling. I still feel unable to work.
At one moment of active suicidal planning, I checked myself into a hospital and stayed for a week. It was only helpful in that I was unable to harm myself. Otherwise it was like being in prison. I received no real medical care or counseling the entire time.
At another particularly dark moment, I decided to drive to Charleston to get IV Ketamine treatments in hopes of buying myself some time. $3K later, I had experienced about 3 days of relief from my depression. If anything my T had worsened.
Currently, I am receiving TMS (Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation) treatments for depression and anxiety. For a short while I was receiving an experimental TMS treatment on a spot above my ear for T as well, but it seemed to temporarily worsen my T if anything, so I discontinued it.
My depression is lifting somewhat, but I am still left with benzo PAWS (post-acute withdrawal syndrome), and Tinnitus. My day-to-day life is miserable. I haven't felt even a moment of inspiration, excitement, motivation, or mental clarity in this entire 7 months. Once these TMS treatments are complete, I have to head home, find a cheaper place to live, find a job, and move on with my life. I am terrified that I won't be ready for it.
I need something to help. I need my depression to ease up. I need my mind to clear. I need a reduction in my T volume. If my progress stops any time soon, I fear I will not be able to continue living.
Is there really nothing that reliably helps? Should I be listening to notched white-noise every night? Do people whose ears have been damaged by Ototoxic drugs ever find relief?
Do any of y'all live near Asheville, NC?
I first got tinnitus about 10 years ago. I couldn't hear what a friend was saying at a loud show, so she decided to yell directly in my ear. It caused me distress on and off over the years but I ultimately habituated to it.
5 years ago I fell into a horrible depression. I have tried every therapy you can think of to no avail. I am a trained herbalist and I have found nothing in the way of holistic therapies or nutritional supplements that has done a thing for my mental health. I have tried about 10 different antidepressant drugs and each one has either done nothing, sent me into an acute suicidal state, or has left me with lasting harm. The most regrettable of these is Wellbutrin, which almost immediately damaged both of my ears and has left me with severe tinnitus and chronic pressure in my right ear. It has been about 7 months since this happened.
Since developing Tinnitus, I have had to withdraw from Valium, which rendered me bedridden for 2 months, and I have not felt the same since. My mind is clouded, my memory is shot, I have no energy and I am so anxious and depressed that I can't even think of anything to do with my time. I am just killing time, listening to this screech in my ears, and trying my hardest to steer my mind away from suicidal thoughts and planning. Most of my friendships have faded away and my savings is dwindling. I still feel unable to work.
At one moment of active suicidal planning, I checked myself into a hospital and stayed for a week. It was only helpful in that I was unable to harm myself. Otherwise it was like being in prison. I received no real medical care or counseling the entire time.
At another particularly dark moment, I decided to drive to Charleston to get IV Ketamine treatments in hopes of buying myself some time. $3K later, I had experienced about 3 days of relief from my depression. If anything my T had worsened.
Currently, I am receiving TMS (Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation) treatments for depression and anxiety. For a short while I was receiving an experimental TMS treatment on a spot above my ear for T as well, but it seemed to temporarily worsen my T if anything, so I discontinued it.
My depression is lifting somewhat, but I am still left with benzo PAWS (post-acute withdrawal syndrome), and Tinnitus. My day-to-day life is miserable. I haven't felt even a moment of inspiration, excitement, motivation, or mental clarity in this entire 7 months. Once these TMS treatments are complete, I have to head home, find a cheaper place to live, find a job, and move on with my life. I am terrified that I won't be ready for it.
I need something to help. I need my depression to ease up. I need my mind to clear. I need a reduction in my T volume. If my progress stops any time soon, I fear I will not be able to continue living.
Is there really nothing that reliably helps? Should I be listening to notched white-noise every night? Do people whose ears have been damaged by Ototoxic drugs ever find relief?
Do any of y'all live near Asheville, NC?
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