- Jul 8, 2019
- 74
- 37
- Tinnitus Since
- 01/2019
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Bupropion (Wellbutrin), TMJ, possible ETD
Hi there! Just wanted to introduce myself as I've been browsing around the forum for a few months but stupidly kept thinking I had "beaten" my tinnitus and everything was fine now. I'm trying very hard to accept that I'm probably in this for the long haul. I guess I qualify as a newbie and it's daunting thinking about potentially having this the rest of my life.
I'm Caroline, 32 years old and live in NC, and I developed tinnitus and ear pain/pressure in January after a week of being on generic Wellbutrin (bupropion). I stayed on it for a month before tapering off. I was scared of permanent damage so I went to see an ENT who told me there was a 99% chance it would disappear once the Wellbutrin was out of my system and that my hearing is normal. At first, it seemed like he was right. For a couple of weeks, it lessened to the point where I could barely hear it and it was no longer distressing. And then it came back with a vengeance for a few weeks. And then went away for a few weeks. And on and on until now, 6ish months later. I tend to feel the pain/pressure for a day or so before the sound actually starts. This past weekend it spiked so badly that I began having suicidal ideation (more on that later). I still cannot find any correlation between what is causing the cycle of spikes and then returning to relative normalcy.
Even though I'm certain the Wellbutrin triggered the onset of my tinnitus, I'm uncertain if it's the only thing involved or if it's kind of a "perfect storm" situation. I had chronic ear infections in childhood and a few in my 20s. I've also had a crackling in my ears that started all of a sudden one day when I was 10, and I hear it every time I swallow (the ENT told me this was normal, but I don't know anyone else with the same thing). I used to go to incredibly loud local concerts and stand right up front near the amp (smart!) I've also been on and off a host of psychiatric and other medications for the past 15 years, some of which I now now are ototoxic. In addition, I have occasional bouts of dizziness/vertigo including one a few years ago so bad that I couldn't turn my head without vomiting for 3 days (I am currently waiting to undergo testing for Meniere's which I can't do right now because of some of the medications I'm on). So while Wellbutrin was certainly the trigger, I'm not sure I can say it's the only thing. My plan is to safely go off as many medications as possible so I can establish some sort of baseline--I know for a fact I'm overmedicated regardless of the tinnitus.
I know people with tinnitus often develop depression/anxiety due to the condition (totally understandable) but I have struggled with severe anxiety, depression and a host of other mental issues my whole life. I am currently unemployed because of social anxiety and agoraphobia. Developing tinnitus has made all of those things 100x worse. I've read that reducing stress and anxiety, not focusing on the noise so it starts to fade into the background etc. tend to help, but it's very hard when I already have a panic disorder and OCD which makes me hyper-focused on the sound when it gets loud. I've always had bad insomnia so when the tinnitus is spiking and I sleep even less, my anxiety ramps up and makes everything so much worse. I'm trying not to be too defeatist and I hope I don't sound too "poor me," but I have a history of suicidal ideation so it terrifies me that tinnitus may push me over the edge. When you already feel like your life is meaningless and are having trouble finding hope for the future, the fact that the future may always include tinnitus is incredibly daunting. I'm well aware that I have a lot of privilege and life could certainly be worse, but it seems like just when I feel like I'm at rock bottom, something else happens. It's comforting to read your stories of similar struggles although of course I wish none of us had to endure this. I'd be very grateful for coping tips from anyone with long-term mental illness.
So anyway, that was a lot more than I planned on writing but I just wanted to say hello and thank you all for all the great information I've gathered so far on the forum. It's a lot to take in, especially the scientific stuff which is not my forte, but it's nice to know that I'm not alone and that hopefully one day there may be something close to a cure.
Caroline
I'm Caroline, 32 years old and live in NC, and I developed tinnitus and ear pain/pressure in January after a week of being on generic Wellbutrin (bupropion). I stayed on it for a month before tapering off. I was scared of permanent damage so I went to see an ENT who told me there was a 99% chance it would disappear once the Wellbutrin was out of my system and that my hearing is normal. At first, it seemed like he was right. For a couple of weeks, it lessened to the point where I could barely hear it and it was no longer distressing. And then it came back with a vengeance for a few weeks. And then went away for a few weeks. And on and on until now, 6ish months later. I tend to feel the pain/pressure for a day or so before the sound actually starts. This past weekend it spiked so badly that I began having suicidal ideation (more on that later). I still cannot find any correlation between what is causing the cycle of spikes and then returning to relative normalcy.
Even though I'm certain the Wellbutrin triggered the onset of my tinnitus, I'm uncertain if it's the only thing involved or if it's kind of a "perfect storm" situation. I had chronic ear infections in childhood and a few in my 20s. I've also had a crackling in my ears that started all of a sudden one day when I was 10, and I hear it every time I swallow (the ENT told me this was normal, but I don't know anyone else with the same thing). I used to go to incredibly loud local concerts and stand right up front near the amp (smart!) I've also been on and off a host of psychiatric and other medications for the past 15 years, some of which I now now are ototoxic. In addition, I have occasional bouts of dizziness/vertigo including one a few years ago so bad that I couldn't turn my head without vomiting for 3 days (I am currently waiting to undergo testing for Meniere's which I can't do right now because of some of the medications I'm on). So while Wellbutrin was certainly the trigger, I'm not sure I can say it's the only thing. My plan is to safely go off as many medications as possible so I can establish some sort of baseline--I know for a fact I'm overmedicated regardless of the tinnitus.
I know people with tinnitus often develop depression/anxiety due to the condition (totally understandable) but I have struggled with severe anxiety, depression and a host of other mental issues my whole life. I am currently unemployed because of social anxiety and agoraphobia. Developing tinnitus has made all of those things 100x worse. I've read that reducing stress and anxiety, not focusing on the noise so it starts to fade into the background etc. tend to help, but it's very hard when I already have a panic disorder and OCD which makes me hyper-focused on the sound when it gets loud. I've always had bad insomnia so when the tinnitus is spiking and I sleep even less, my anxiety ramps up and makes everything so much worse. I'm trying not to be too defeatist and I hope I don't sound too "poor me," but I have a history of suicidal ideation so it terrifies me that tinnitus may push me over the edge. When you already feel like your life is meaningless and are having trouble finding hope for the future, the fact that the future may always include tinnitus is incredibly daunting. I'm well aware that I have a lot of privilege and life could certainly be worse, but it seems like just when I feel like I'm at rock bottom, something else happens. It's comforting to read your stories of similar struggles although of course I wish none of us had to endure this. I'd be very grateful for coping tips from anyone with long-term mental illness.
So anyway, that was a lot more than I planned on writing but I just wanted to say hello and thank you all for all the great information I've gathered so far on the forum. It's a lot to take in, especially the scientific stuff which is not my forte, but it's nice to know that I'm not alone and that hopefully one day there may be something close to a cure.
Caroline
Member
