9 Weeks In: Trying to Focus on Progress

[Marie79]

so I'm 9 weeks in. First off I have to say I do not have super loud T. It is high pitch though. I always hear it when trying to sleep and for some reason in my home I can always make it out even with all the masking going on. Then I turn the masking off and the t is barely there. I think my brain is trying to find that tone ANYWHERE.

When it first started I FREAKED out. You can see all of that from my past posts. I thought life was over and had to have ear buds in playing music at night plus masking air conditioner on plus music around my house all the time. So while I didn't hear it outside I would exhaust myself being outdoors walking and then be so upset not able to rest at night.

I'm still far from where I was as far as back to myself but I was getting down on myself about it today and realized I have come a long way.

I'm no longer constantly anxiety and panic ridden. I don't have as many VERY dark thoughts. At one point I was thinking about getting myself checked into a mental hospital. I can go around my house without music on and I can sleep most of the time without the headphones in. I use the air conditioner and white noise machine to get to sleep.

I went through a period that I couldn't be in the house between 5-9 pm because that is when it was the loudest.

Now my biggest anxiety is of course.. Will this get worse... And man this totally sucks I can't just take a nap like I used to. It's all such an ordeal to get to sleep at night.

I still have major anxiety but it's not as severe as the first month.

I need to get to the acceptance part and hopefully to some sort of realistic habituation to where I can sleep and rest like I used to.

There is probably a recovery even if we ever recover. I don't even know how long if this did go away it would take me to get to sleep in silence anymore. I don't know if the noise was always there and I was habituated and I brought it back to my head by hyper focusing since 2/1.

I know you guys have heard some of this before but hopefully it might help someone and it does help me to write the progress especially when I'm feeling a little freaked out.

 

[Miranda]

I am so glad to hear that you are no longer experiencing panic with T. That is a hard thing to get over. I am happy that you are on the right track with "dealing/accepting/what ever you call it". Keep a discussion going with yourself that is positive and keep posting on here your goods and bads. This might help to further take away from the panic.

Recently, I have been playing this game with myself where I try all sorts of different tactics to see what affects my T. Some days I try sound therapy, other days ear plugs, other days stretching. If I get anywhere I will post.

I wondered the same as you about if your T has always been there, you just never paid attention to it until, well, you paid attention to it.

Send you positive thoughts....

 

[Zora]

Yes. That is very much my biggest fear as well. The fear of becoming worse T. i started a thread on that, if you want to check it out.

 

[Ed209]

It's one of the biggest fears we all share on this forum. It's part of the reason why a lot of us are here.

 

[glynis]

Tinnitus can spike for a number of reasons but over time you will get use to what spikes your tinnitus.
Like if you have a cold you can expect to have noisy ears for a while and maybe for women coming up to the time of the month or stress etc
As we learn how to cope with tinnitus we also gain strength in bouncing back after a flair up /spike and remember we have total control over what makes us happy and always nice have a few treats to get through a rough patch and making nice plans to look forward too.....lots of love glynis