A Spike? A Setback? Panic Attack? Help!

[LadyDi]

Dear TT friends: I am almost five months from onset and really, really had been planning on writing something about my progress soon. I was feeling so much stronger and better. No more panic attacks. My CBT therapist said I was doing so well, she suggested I cut back sessions to every other week. Thought the acupuncture was helping and habituation was right around the corner.

Then: I had a low volume day yesterday (Sunday), nice, nothing out of the usual. Woke up early this morning, about 5 am, took 1/2 natural sleep supplement to help me get a few more hours in. I drifted back into sleep... and had the most horrible nightmare. I dreamed I was sitting in a castle somewhere and my tinnitus was so loud, I started screaming. Or I was trying to scream. It was such a horrible feeling. I woke up and, of course, my tinnitus was loud. I was crying and felt so out of control, it was just dreadful after I have been working so hard and making progress. I had this overwhelming feeling that my life would be like this forever and how could I go on? Instead of annoyed, I felt panicked.

Had to go to work today, though. As the day went, I realized that while I was having a loud T day, it wasn't any louder than my typical loud day (my T loudness varies greatly, often hour by hour throughout the day).

So: What the hell is this? Did I have a panic attack in my sleep (I am on Xanax and thought my panic was controlled). A "spike" vs. a loud day or time? A setback? What do you all do to get through setbacks? I assume they are to be expected. I mean, its been five months and now I am feeling like I am back to square one, although I know that's probably silly.

Right now, I will take any words of comfort, advice or anything else.
Appreciate so much you all being here.

 

[Leah]

Sorry to hear this Lady Di. Panic attack in sleep not sure about that sounds like a nightmare with a physical reaction. Hard to be at work with T isn't it? Seems like we don't enjoy the quieter days because we are afraid a loud one is around the corner.
I panic too thinking that this is my new life. I don't think you are back to square one, you made such great progress
and just need get back on that track. Don't let this undo all the good. This group can empathize with you.
Be gentle with yourself right now.

 

[Markku]

As the day went, I realized that while I was having a loud T day, it wasn't any louder than my typical loud day (my T loudness varies greatly, often hour by hour throughout the day).

It seems to have been a typical spike. Many report increases after waking up (we speculated it might have something to do with the cortisol awakening response). Some get early morning spikes regularly, others infrequently and some never.

I would not call it a setback of any sort. Try not to measure your tinnitus and its effect on your life on a day-by-day basis, but instead look back a week or a month at a time and see how it went. Daily fluctuations, spikes, stress, etc. make it futile to assess tinnitus daily.

You'll reach the place sooner or later where spikes don't make you panic or scared. As time passes by you'll experience spikes and they're never nice, but you stop putting unnecessary importance on them because you've learned that they're temporary and part of the life. The reaction to them lessens, just like to tinnitus as a whole. Habituation, oh yeah.

Best of luck,
Markku

 

[Leah]

It seems to have been a typical spike. Many report increases after waking up (we speculated it might have something to do with the cortisol awakening response). Some get early morning spikes regularly, others infrequently and some never.

I would not call it a setback of any sort. Try not to measure your tinnitus and its effect on your life on a day-by-day basis, but instead look back a week or a month at a time and see how it went. Daily fluctuations, spikes, stress, etc. make it futile to assess tinnitus daily.

You'll reach the place sooner or later where spikes don't make you panic or scared. As time passes by you'll experience spikes and they're never nice, but you stop putting unnecessary importance on them because you've learned that they're temporary and part of the life. The reaction to them lessens, just like to tinnitus as a whole. Habituation, oh yeah.

Best of luck,
Markku

Thanks for the wonderful explanation.

 

[Sherri786]

Sorry to hear that Lady Di, I had been having calmer days and last night I woke up with a spike at around 2 am, I'm sure the T sound woke me up, and then I couldn't go back to sleep. Tired, depressed, frustrated today.

 

[Relic Hunter]

I often wake up from bad or highly emotional dreams to find my T is spiking. I take an antidepressant and anxiety pill but still have the dreams.

I to know the frustration and panic that comes after a period of calm waters and then being thrown back into the storm.

I think Markku said it best in his reply. We just have to take the bad days with the good. Easier said than done I know.

 

[erik]

LadyDi, you are on the right path. Setbacks are normal and this is just a minor one. You are having one now and there will likely be more. Recognize this, move on and things will normalize. You are having more good days then bad and things are improving. It is a slow process but your are making progress. Keep it up.

 

[JTP]

I've had pretty similar experience. In last few weeks there has been days when I feel like my old self wondering why I made so big problem out of it in the first place. Next day anxious mess. So it goes, like Vonnegut said.

 

[Petloy]

Hi, the first time it happened to me I also panicked, but it always goes back down, now, if it happens usually when I have a bad dream, I can go back to sleep and when I wake the second time it's back down, it does happen from time to time, nothing to worry about...

 

[Carlo]

... I dreamed I was sitting in a castle somewhere and my tinnitus was so loud, I started screaming. Or I was trying to scream. It was such a horrible feeling. I woke up and, of course, my tinnitus was loud. I was crying and felt so out of control, it was just dreadful after I have been working so hard and making progress. I had this overwhelming feeling that my life would be like this forever and how could I go on? Instead of annoyed, I felt panicked...

Hi, I think it was simply a nightmare and then you had panick because you felt T louder. So don't worry. On my side, from time to time I woke up during the night and my T seems to be louder, probably because the silence around me. We have to learn that setbacks are normal, and then the things normalize (thanks Erik and Markuu for your support and explanations). Habituation is around the corner, or just couple of blocks ahead . And sooner or later some scientist will find the solution.

 

[LadyDi]

First let me say thank you, thank you to all of you who responded to quickly. It was a great comfort to come back to the forum now and see all these comments. Means a lot to me. Like I tell my husband when the anxiety starts coming on, "all you need to do is just hold my hand for a minute, honey, and let me deep breathe and I'll be OK." He and I have held hands, with me breathing, in Home Depot parking lots, restaurants, in the backyard of a friend's house during a party... And now you all have given me that same kind of support.

Thanks Markku and Erik, as always, for your pro insight and advice. I do feel better today. I already had an appt with my psychiatrist today, who said it could have been panic, a physical reaction to a nightmare -- that the important thing was, just as you all said, the feeling passed and I still am moving forward. Progress is rarely linear.

It also was comforting to hear so many of you say you have experienced something similar. You know how it is with T: sometimes you think you are living in Crazy Town, population 1.

Don't know what happened to the "like" buttons but I am going through now and giving you all a "thank you" vote.

 

[Cher69]

Ive just seen this @LadyDi - I hope your feeling better and positive again we both have had our wobbles at a similar time and I hope you too are on the way positive path again with me We are defo walking the road together and Im sorry I missed this when you posted - much love Cher x