Abilify

[Larry OT]

i am depressed beyond words. I can't think clearly at all and act out badly in front of my family.
I have fought hard to not take another antidepressant besides remeron, but I think I have to.
Has anyone had any experience with Abilify?
I appreciate anyone's repsonce, but please, for those who are against antidepressants, I know it's not what you believe in, but I have to try something else to survive.

Thanks

 

[RicoS]

Does your family understand what you are going through....are you aware of how you act to your family is sometimes not right because of your T?
When I feel I am being a negative factor for a period of time I go upstairs...watch a movie or play on my PS4 or Wii-U or go to this forum until i'm ready to go and be a positive factor again. I need my family to get through and they know what I'm going through but I also am aware not to go off on them when I'm in a bad mood.

I do not use antidepressants, but if you think they help you just take them....everything what you can make through the day. There is now holy grail of "The Rules of Tinnitus to get through the day". You do what you have to and take care of your family!

 

[Larry OT]

@RicoS

My wife does not understand this nor has the capacity to. Some people just can't deal with such devasting yet odd things. I act out because of the T and I have a hard time controlling my emotions. It does not go over big with wife.

My kids are teens and they get scared, I'm sure. It kills me and I try and not show myself when things are real bad but I need them so.
It's out of this weakness and depression I am looking for solutions.
T has been such a loss for me from my work to my sanity and my marriage.
I'm tired of hurting and fearing what's next.

Thank you for your suggestions. I need to keep thing under control.

 

[RicoS]

Is your T maskable? What I do for example is I put a small ventilator behind our couch. Nobody sees it and nobody hears it. But I know it's there and when I'm in the livingroom it does of course not mask my T completly but it makes it less noticable. And since habitation is going good for me I forgot sometimes it was there or even on or not. Sometimes my girlfriend turned it off so she could charge her battery form her iphone , but than she forgot to put the vetilator back on and I did not notice it only when she told me. So you can train your brain that way. You do not bother anybody with it.

When your kids get scared you could tell them its a real thing and to take care of their ears and it realy bothers you.
Do not complain to much about it because they also have a life to live which does not have to be focused on T or your T. They can not cure you but they might understand you and know how to deal with you when you are bothered the most.

Do not forget it is you and your T ... you have it and you have to deal with it ...as hard as it might be. Your family cannot cure you but they can support you. But support works both ways...do not complain to much ... I know I did ... I got tired of myself at the end...and I kept repeating myself over and over again. Try to ventilate through this forum where people understand you better when times are hard. Eventualy you can deal with yourself better but it's a proces you have to go through.

Look at me talking like I know everything.....well I don't, but I know I deal with it way better than my suicide thoughts I had in the beginning. I feel joy of life again...... and even when I hear my T now I do not care that much anymore. Took me more than 1 year and 4 months and now I slowly habitate to this nightmare.

For me when I described T ...it was like this

"I'm on the bottom of a pit and I scream for help......knowing that I'm the only one left on earth"

That is how my depression felt. Nobody could help me because there is nobody to help me... only I could climb out of the pit and help myself....the way up is hard and sometimes I fall back to the bottom of the pit.....but eventualy I get there as long as I do not give up!!!

 

[Larry OT]

@RicoS
My T constantly changes. From 0 to 100 over 4 days. When it's below 50% I can mask with headphones or loose earbuds. When it's above 50% it usually gets worse and competes with the masking so I don't do it. There is no forgetting about it as high pitched as it is. Congrats on your habituation.

My kids are well informed about my problem, though it's hard to grasp that a sound in my head has caused me all these issues and depression.
They are very well versed in earbuds, volume and ear protection at concerts.

It's not that I complain about it...I physically get so distraught that it's obvious.
I also have been so down and out that I stay at home sometimes rather than ruin their evening if I don't feel up to it. I have really gotten messed up in my head.

It's great to know your doing so well!
Thanks for the info. It all helps.

 

[Larry OT]

@Telis
I do get to the gym, once a week. I'm so f'n tired and depressed that it's hard to make a go at it more. I've got to try more cardio even if I'm beat up exhausted - your right. I'm just not as tough as you are my friend!

I miss my 2 hour workouts. They felt great. I did an hour last week. My arms suffered for the entire week. Sucks.

I used to love single malt Scotch. Can't drink on antidepressants. I tried. Felt great for an hour or two...then super crash. Instant hangover.

. I hope your managing ok these days.

 

[Telis]

@Telis
I do get to the gym, once a week. I'm so f'n tired and depressed that it's hard to make a go at it more. I've got to try more cardio even if I'm beat up exhausted - your right. I'm just not as tough as you are my friend!

I used to love single malt Scotch. Can't drink on antidepressants. I tried. Felt great for an hour or two...then super crash. Instant hangover.

. I hope your managing ok these days.

Yeah I hear you, I also don't have a family to take care of so makes it a bit easier. Try and build on that one day, even one day is good in the condition you are in right now.

If you have bad T and you are making through the day (even if you struggle)....you are tough. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise.

Take care.

 

[billy43]

hey Larry.fellow jersey guy here. I know how you are feeling because I been there.i remember at the sixth month mark .things were still horrible.depression that I cant even describe.still telling my wife terrible things about what lie ahead for me.and she tried her best to understand .but no one can know what were going thru except people who actually have this condition. but things are a lot better for me at 14 months.leading a fairly normal life. still have some real bad days but also have lots of good days.so to me its all about time.cant help you out on anti depressants.Xanax really helped me the few times I took it early on.and looking back maybe I should have taken it regularly.but I tried being a tough guy.not a good move.so do what ever you have to to get through things.good luck with things .and try to stay positive .easier said than done but try. billy43

 

[Larry OT]

@billy43
Thanks Billy. The depression is overwhelming. I don't know how anyone manages crawling out of this hole. My brain had been profoundly changed as has every part of my existence.
I did my time in anti anxiety meds which helped me survive, but didn't tolerate kolonopin too well with other problems and addiction.
Still have lorazepam for night if needed.
Good to hear your doing better at 14 months. Thanks for your concern and thoughts. Much appreciated buddy.

 

[dochoppy]

@Larry OT I am sorry you are having such a tough time right now. I am going to have to get off remeron, have been on remeron 7.5mg for about 3 weeks, I feel like it finally kicked in but in a negative way, my hyperacusis has cranked up as well as my T has become unbearable on it. I hope you are doing better now, my new motto is Never give up, NEVER!

 

[Marlene]

Larry I was anti meds ,as this started my anxiety off in first place after just having that one packet ,but since reading the sad stories on TT I no longer feel I'm in a position to judge what's right or wrong for anyone other than myself .
If your struggling ,do what's right for you ,same for anyone on TT .were all here having our battles at how we get through yet another day and these days can be hell of a long day ,I wish I could let everyone on this planet having no T ,listen to what we do constant ,day in day out,maybe then the awareness would get us help ,in one way or another .I live in hope ,as we all do with this truly spiteful condition .Best wishes to you all .

 

[Larry OT]

@dochoppy
I'm sorry to hear that. No pun intended. Let us know how you are when your clear of the remeron. It's supposed to return to baseline after drug is gone from system.
I wouldn't know what causes a spike as my T does the same thing in a cycle over 4 days and repeats.
I hope you improve. Keep me informed and thanks for the pep talk. Right back at ya!

 

[beemovie]

@dochoppy
I'm sorry to hear that. No pun intended. Let us know how you are when your clear of the remeron. It's supposed to return to baseline after drug is gone from system.
I wouldn't know what causes a spike as my T does the same thing in a cycle over 4 days and repeats.
I hope you improve. Keep me informed and thanks for the pep talk. Right back at ya!

@RicoS
My T constantly changes. From 0 to 100 over 4 days. When it's below 50% I can mask with headphones or loose earbuds. When it's above 50% it usually gets worse and competes with the masking so I don't do it. There is no forgetting about it as high pitched as it is. Congrats on your habituation.

My kids are well informed about my problem, though it's hard to grasp that a sound in my head has caused me all these issues and depression.
They are very well versed in earbuds, volume and ear protection at concerts.

It's not that I complain about it...I physically get so distraught that it's obvious.
I also have been so down and out that I stay at home sometimes rather than ruin their evening if I don't feel up to it. I have really gotten messed up in my head.

It's great to know your doing so well!
Thanks for the info. It all helps.

Sometimes I start to think that this must be a bad dream because this is not possible that this has happened. It messes with your head because your mind is telling you that something is wrong. The positive thing for you is that you still have time to improve as you have only had this since may. But I am sure it seems like forever. You said it keeps cycling.......what sounds are you hearing or do you mean changing only in volume? Are you only hearing a straight tone or things like static or hissing.

 

[dochoppy]

I agree sometimes, a bad dream, I am like is this actually real, when it first started I really thought I was crazy because I had no idea the brain could produce such a loud noise on its own.

 

[Larry OT]

Sometimes I start to think that this must be a bad dream because this is not possible that this has happened. It messes with your head because your mind is telling you that something is wrong. The positive thing for you is that you still have time to improve as you have only had this since may. But I am sure it seems like forever. You said it keeps cycling.......what sounds are you hearing or do you mean changing only in volume? Are you only hearing a straight tone or things like static or hissing.

When it cycles, I wake to no tinnitus,
It's non existent at 10k. I do have some very mild 5k but it's hardly there. The 10k hi pitch also has hissing and goes from mild to insanely loud in a day and then will slowly subside the next day...usually.
It's a hell of a ride that changes my personality from day to day. I get manic which is why I made this thread about the antidepressant called Abilify.
On quiet day(s) I can't sleep more than 7 hours otherwise I lose the quiet day.
Go figure.
The bad days are pure hell.

 

[Larry OT]

Larry I was anti meds ,as this started my anxiety off in first place after just having that one packet ,but since reading the sad stories on TT I no longer feel I'm in a position to judge what's right or wrong for anyone other than myself .
If your struggling ,do what's right for you ,same for anyone on TT .were all here having our battles at how we get through yet another day and these days can be hell of a long day ,I wish I could let everyone on this planet having no T ,listen to what we do constant ,day in day out,maybe then the awareness would get us help ,in one way or another .I live in hope ,as we all do with this truly spiteful condition .Best wishes to you all .

Hi Marlene,
I love your virtual hugs and positive outlook. They are appreciated.
I struggle immensely with the tinnitus and the depression that came with it.
I struggle with questioning if I should risk the side effects or worsening T by taking these meds.
But, I have a place in my heart and my head that is comforted on this forum and you are always a voice of sanity in this insane life of T. Thank you for your support and kindness.
One day we should all meet somewhere on this planet and do a giant group hug.
I think that would be the cure for sure!

 

[Marlene]

Hiya Larry ,your so kind .
You've been having it tough ,and still to this day still are ,all you can do is try some meds ,think after a month ,your find if they help ,lots go on several to get one that suits there need ,and they say they help ,these meds settle them right down . All meds have certain side affects Larry ,even Vitamins can ,like foods can .Its a mine field we all walk daily whatever we digest .Im lucky if you can call it lucky ,I've never had the depression ,but anxiety oh yes .
Every day I think ,I can do this day ,I try not to mind about ,tomorrow ,next week ,next month ,I'm here dealing just with today best way I can .thats hard enough ,says me with both ears screaming away ,but I know there's others all over this planet ,feeling exactly as I am with having this ,anxiety up,yes ,and there having a worse day than me ,somewhere .Its what this does ,so your never alone with how you feel ,we all would love it GONE ,from the youngest ,to the oldest Larry .
My husbands got T ,so he's good ,on my worst of these days .Understands me ,he hears what I do .Thats a blessing ,he's had his T now going past 30 yrs .Think it helps if you can talk to someone face to face with having T ,we do mention our T ,as to our daily weather .lots of times ours can match up in sound,to our days weather .
Think this site is best I've found Larry ,not on your own ,lots of advice,and tips ,I write them all down ,every one .
What's worked ,what's not .Good and bad .think on here you get the help ,Drs can't give you ,unless they suffer T themselves .
Keep working on your T ,don't give up ,there will be something that will help ,your find it ,have your name on it .
I agree it would be great if we could have a T family get together from TT ,big old family hug ,the biggest ever ,
Think of you all daily. Even when I'm not on TT site .your the nicest bunch ever .
To many names to mention ,yes and as a family we do get a laugh ,off the T threads .Good old medicine to .
Didn't realise how much I'd written Larry ,that's us females Ha Ha .Warmest of wishes ,chin up okay .God Bless xx.

 

[Larry OT]

Hey @Marlene

Thank you. For whatever reason I woke feeling better and able to cope with a bad loud T day.
No additional meds taken that I was worried about. I have held off. I've been up for 2 hours and feel like a survivor for a change. Just to feel ok makes a huge difference in how I handle this. Lets hope the day goes to plan.