Acceptance

[Hil]

I Google a lot. I pursue, almost obsessively, any information that might point me in the direction of curing this tinnitus. I look for hopeful information. And then I realize I'm acting desperately.

The reality of the situation is: I know I have eustachian tube dysfunction but I don't know I don't know how long this will last. I don't know if it's temporary or chronic. I don't know if it will change or worsen or improve. I just don't know.

I get exhausted from being hyper-alert at all times to try to find some way to get control of this situation. And I keep coming back to the realization that it's going to do what it's going to do. And all my desperate pursuit of control is a waste of energy. And I keep reading from wise people who have been there/done that, that all you ever have control of is how you react to whatever circumstances life gives you. And I think, for me, laying down all the fearful attempts at control and accepting the present situation is a better alternative than frantically searching everywhere for some guarantee that t will go away.

So I think I need to work on acceptance of the situation I've found myself in.

 

[LadyDi]

Hi, @Hil: Acceptance often comes up here at Tinnitus Talk. As it did recently on this thread:
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/ignore-it-or-accept-it.13243/#post-161158

These are your words:
So I think I need to work on acceptance of the situation I've found myself in.

And I think that says it all.
In my opinion, acceptance is pretty key in making your way through life, with or without tinnitus.
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can help some people who struggle with acceptance. It did me.

Good luck on your tinnitus journey.

 

[Hil]

This is not easy for me, as I imagine it isn't for anyone else, either. I keep wishing I could back the clock up to before this tinnitus started. I wish I could somehow go on a different path and never encounter it. But the reality is, here I am with tinnitus.

The hardest part for me is when it suddenly gets loud, usually in reaction to background noise. I'll get a high pitched whine, or high pitched morse code. It scares me. Any ideas of how to not react with fear, I'd be grateful for!

 

[JasonP]

This is not easy for me, as I imagine it isn't for anyone else, either. I keep wishing I could back the clock up to before this tinnitus started. I wish I could somehow go on a different path and never encounter it. But the reality is, here I am with tinnitus.

The hardest part for me is when it suddenly gets loud, usually in reaction to background noise. I'll get a high pitched whine, or high pitched morse code. It scares me. Any ideas of how to not react with fear, I'd be grateful for!

Hil, I totally get where you are coming from. I thought those same thoughts this past week. This week however, I have been able to accept it and hopefully I will consistently do so. It isn't as frightening to me because of several reasons. One is I am taking medication for depression and anxiety (which I had way before tinnitus) and I am wearing hearing aids with the ability to mask most of the ringing if I want. The hearing aids have helped tremendously get rid of a probably 85% of the maskable tinnitus and I can't even feel I am wearing them accept when I sleep with them on at night when I lay my head on the side of the pillow. I guess I'll see how long this will last. Back in September before I was taking a medication for depression, I had 3 great weeks in a row where I felt great, normal, and the tinnitus didn't bother me at all. I tuned it out almost the whole day but unfortunately I started getting anxious about something else so I took too much of a supplement, got messed up and depressed. Therefore, now I am taking a mood stabilizer and I guess I will see what happens in the future. I'm not saying you should do this, but I would suggest a trial of hearing aids (many places will give you your money back before a certain number of days) and see if they can help reduce the ringing.

 

[Natalie Roberts]

I Google a lot. I pursue, almost obsessively, any information that might point me in the direction of curing this tinnitus. I look for hopeful information. And then I realize I'm acting desperately.

The reality of the situation is: I know I have eustachian tube dysfunction but I don't know I don't know how long this will last. I don't know if it's temporary or chronic. I don't know if it will change or worsen or improve. I just don't know.

I get exhausted from being hyper-alert at all times to try to find some way to get control of this situation. And I keep coming back to the realization that it's going to do what it's going to do. And all my desperate pursuit of control is a waste of energy. And I keep reading from wise people who have been there/done that, that all you ever have control of is how you react to whatever circumstances life gives you. And I think, for me, laying down all the fearful attempts at control and accepting the present situation is a better alternative than frantically searching everywhere for some guarantee that t will go away.

So I think I need to work on acceptance of the situation I've found myself in.

I was like you in the beginning. Searching constantly for Hope and answers but what I found is once I stopped coming to this website 50x a day and stopped googling and just accepted it as it is what it is I started to feel better! I have accepted my tinnitus and no longer fight with it so I believe I am closer to habituating to it. It doesn't bother me every day anymore only occasionally and there are times when I don't even notice it although it is still very much present.

 

[linearb]

Acceptance is the weapon of last resort, but it can be an effective one...

 

[Andunwoody]

Your story is very similar to mine @Hil. For me doing a Mindfulness course has been a great help not just with the T and ETD but with life in general. It seems to me that some people on this forum equate acceptance to giving in or giving up, it's not the same thing.

 

[David J]

Acceptance is the weapon of last resort, but it can be an effective one...

It really should be the weapon of first resort. I say that only, because you can read every word on this site and you'll find nobody that has beat "T". If you put your mind to habituating instead of chasing some elusive cure, you'll be far better off much sooner! I beat myself up for years before finally coming to terms with the fact that I'll never beat it, so I need to make it my friend. Acceptance is a beautiful thing when it comes to "T". Nowadays, I usually don't even hear it anymore, but when I do, I move my thoughts on to something productive instead of dwelling on it. Since I have habituated, I hardly spend time on this site anymore, because it is counter-productive. I only do so now in an effort to hopefully help someone.
Acceptance means understanding that this whistle in my head will never go away. Never! So I learned to live with it. My life is good again!!
Sincerely,

David

 

[Carolyn]

Good advice from all. Thank you.

When mine gets really bad, I take 5 days of sudafed & flush my nasal passages with salty water, ( doctor prescribed).

It definitely improves the "T" for anywhere up to 3-4 weeks ... not a cure though.

 

[billie48]

@Hil

To me acceptance can come in stages. For a new sufferer when the trauma of T and the fear of it is overpowering, it is very hard nor believable to tell him or her that the current horror story is acceptable. The brain won't believe it. So we have to play a smart game with the brain. You tell it to accept it in stages. I used to say the following:

"I will accept the REALITY of possibly living with T. I accept I have a hard time accepting it now, but like others did, I trust that my brain can adapt to the new normal as time goes on and my perception of T will change over time for the better. As my brain hardens to the T sensation over time, and as I adopt some success strategies from others, I know I will have a high chance to accept my new normal and be able to live a more normal life like others have done."

This makes it more believable to my panic prone brain as I accept the fact that I currently have difficulty in accepting the current suffering (so I am not lying to the brain), but that I also accept the high probability that I will be well given time by applying some proven success strategies that I can learn from others who have gotten better. With this, the stress to the brain is off or will reduce.

I call this the AAA strategy - Accept, Adjust, Adapt. Accept the reality of life with T, willing to make some adjustment and willing to adapt to the NEW NORMAL. We don't have to accept T or like it, but we can accept a life with T. Let T be; let the rest of our life be. There is still much beauty and positives of life besides T. How about love, affection, compassion, service, friendship, intelligence, creativity, discovery, travel, hobbies, and of course enjoying the great foods of the world, etc., etc. You can add your own list to the positives. There is a lot more to life than T, and the future is not necessarily dark. So there is no need to fall to the trap of 'All or Nothing' or 'Catastrophic Thinking', which are called cognitive distortions in CBT.

This is a winning strategy. Our painful, emotional resistance to T will bring nothing but extreme, negative emotions of anxiety, panic, stress, depression, sleeplessness and mental as well as physical exhaustion. T is an immovable object and it won't blink nor subside by our negative emotions. Perhaps with our primordial instinct from birth, our brain was wired that if we react to a threat or discomfort by crying or screaming loud, then others will come to our help and problem solved. It is our natural survival instinct.

But unfortunately, this defense mechanism doesn't work with T. In fact T can be aggravated big time with our negativity. We need to circumvent this to do the opposite. So by using the AAA success strategy, we will turn from negativity to positivity. We will begin to win the battle with T, if not right away, but slowly and surely with the passage of time. The body needs time to absorb in the new and alien sensation of T. So give your body and mother time enough time. You can't will T to go away. But you will win on it as long as you stick to a winning strategy, such as the AAA strategy.

Good luck and God bless.