After Habituating to Tinnitus, When Did You Feel Comfortable Going Out with Friends Again?

[jasonbourne]

The thing I miss the most is that peaceful feeling of being able to walk into any environment and just have fun. Not worry about how it's going to affect me. Something that has been stolen from me for the rest of my life.

This is one of the major reasons I've decided to end my life. I feel like a slave.

 

[jasonbourne]

@Harley
Now we're talking the difference between severe & catastrophic. I'm severe but admittedly not catastrophic.
That's a bridge I'm not looking forward to crossing.

You can't live a happy life with severe tinnitus. Sorry but you're full of shit.

 

[Harley]

@Harley
Now we're talking the difference between severe & catastrophic. I'm severe but admittedly not catastrophic.
That's a bridge I'm not looking forward to crossing.

I hope you never do.

Honestly, I'm pretty sure (at least based on what I'm reading here) that there is yet another level (or even levels) above mine.
But those are no longer survivable for any sustained period of time.

 

[Michael B]

Sorry but you're full of shit.

My daily headaches from tinnitus suggest otherwise.

 

[jasonbourne]

My daily headaches from tinnitus suggest otherwise.

I'm talking about the happy part. I'll never doubt for no reason how much someone is suffering. I'll take your word for it. However, the claim that you are still happy regardless just seems contradictory (or maybe I m just crazy or weak because to me happy + severe tinnitus = unfathomable).

I just wish people on this forum would be more honest sometimes.

 

[Kriszti]

Hi Krizsti, love the way your name is spelled. I can identify with everything you said. Especially snapping at family. My mom follows up with me all the time and she just doesn't understand there isn't much doctors can do for this. She's very much stuck on the "only older people and those who are professional musicians" have these type of issues.

I'm not even going to try showing her this forum because she's not gonna wanna see it. She gets upset with me for even bringing it up. I know how much she worries about me and it pains me so much. She brought up going to church yesterday and we're not even religious people and I absolutely snapped. It was such a sad phone call, she wishes she could help me but she can't.

I'm not strong enough to handle this. I had breakdowns over previous health issues this year. I had a surgery done this June, and then some foot problems again in the fall, so they were legit issues, not minor - but they had a solution. My breakdowns were dramatic I think, but this time it's kind of like that story "the boy who cried wolf".

I keep on thinking maybe there is something wrong with my lizard brain, but I can't fix it

It's crazy how the brain can feel "crazy" and at the same time recognize that the crazy reaction isn't healthy or normal

I really do hope you find some relief with this soon. Even if it's the tiniest bit of hope. I think we can all use a little bit of it at this time


I really do hope things improve for you at some point in the future. You seem like a very positive person (at least through your responses) so I hope you don't lose that through your journey.

I too, should stop looking at these forums. I appreciate them SO much, and I've learned way more on here than from any sort of doctors and I will forever be greatful for that. But it's starting to become an unhealthy obsession and I fear for my mental health if I continue to go searching for even more sad stories, and with my personality I'm more often on the suicide thread than the success story thread, which says a lot.

Sorry, I was M. I. A. for some time. Thanks for the compliment on my name. Literally, this was the only good part of my day. "Sz" is the way how we spell "s". We have tons of other sounds composed of two (or even 3) letters.

I understand what you're saying. I identify with the "boy who cried wolf" expression. I have always been weak mentally and emotionally, and somehow I feel that people around me think that I overdramatize how much tinnitus sucks. I know perfectly that right now, my tinnitus is nowhere near severe, but the sheer possibility of it getting progressively worse combined with the fact that even with my mild to moderate T I am unable to sleep more than 3 hours for almost 4 months is killing me. I am exhausted all the time. Today I failed my very important exam, which I tried to study a lot for even with the shrill sounds, resulting in getting on the edge of being kicked out of university. So, yeah, life altering condition in any sense.

I had kind of severe health anxiety prior to Tinnitus, so I'm the perfect candidate to get hit horribly by even not so severe tinnitus.

 

[Yuuls]

Sorry, I was M. I. A. for some time. Thanks for the compliment on my name. Literally, this was the only good part of my day. "Sz" is the way how we spell "s". We have tons of other sounds composed of two (or even 3) letters.

I understand what you're saying. I identify with the "boy who cried wolf" expression. I have always been weak mentally and emotionally, and somehow I feel that people around me think that I overdramatize how much tinnitus sucks. I know perfectly that right now, my tinnitus is nowhere near severe, but the sheer possibility of it getting progressively worse combined with the fact that even with my mild to moderate T I am unable to sleep more than 3 hours for almost 4 months is killing me. I am exhausted all the time. Today I failed my very important exam, which I tried to study a lot for even with the shrill sounds, resulting in getting on the edge of being kicked out of university. So, yeah, life altering condition in any sense.

I had kind of severe health anxiety prior to Tinnitus, so I'm the perfect candidate to get hit horribly by even not so severe tinnitus.

I 100% agree. I wouldn't say mine is severe but it's not mild by any means so it's only going to get worse from here on out. I can hear it at all points in the day. I also hear an overlaying whistling tone with almost all sounds like my fan and TV so it makes masking impossible

I am absolutely miserable. I used to wear either ear plugs or headphones to drown out loud neighbors (loud TV right above my room from like 6PM-10PM daily) now I'm stuck listening to it on top of my tinnitus. Absolute torture.

I wake up every day and feel like I'm in a nightmare. I have no motivation to do anything anymore because I know only suffering lies ahead for me. I saw a post on here that said some of us were meant to suffer because the purpose of our life is to be a "lesson" for those around us. Maybe killing myself is going to be that lesson. This sounds extremely selfish and I know it, but I don't want to continue living this life if I have to suffer and can't achieve goals/plans I had for myself. I am miserable and am slowly dragging those around me down with me.

I wish someone else who was more deserving of time on earth could swap spots with me. I'm not a fighter mentally, I am weak. And I am not deserving of being here when people die daily who actually want to live.

 

[Kriszti]

I 100% agree. I wouldn't say mine is severe but it's not mild by any means so it's only going to get worse from here on out. I can hear it at all points in the day. I also hear an overlaying whistling tone with almost all sounds like my fan and TV so it makes masking impossible

I am absolutely miserable. I used to wear either ear plugs or headphones to drown out loud neighbors (loud TV right above my room from like 6PM-10PM daily) now I'm stuck listening to it on top of my tinnitus. Absolute torture.

I wake up every day and feel like I'm in a nightmare. I have no motivation to do anything anymore because I know only suffering lies ahead for me. I saw a post on here that said some of us were meant to suffer because the purpose of our life is to be a "lesson" for those around us. Maybe killing myself is going to be that lesson. This sounds extremely selfish and I know it, but I don't want to continue living this life if I have to suffer and can't achieve goals/plans I had for myself. I am miserable and am slowly dragging those around me down with me.

I wish someone else who was more deserving of time on earth could swap spots with me. I'm not a fighter mentally, I am weak. And I am not deserving of being here when people die daily who actually want to live.

Oh, Yuuls. I feel like I could have written this post. So many similarities even though I suppose that your tinnitus is worse than mine. Mine is not overly loud, but very harsh, shrill, screaching sound with a recent rumbling undertone sound. Also fluctuates a lot, which I can't figure out why, what triggers it. Yesterday it was almost OK, then I got angry and frustrated over not being able to sleep still, and today it's worsened a lot. Sleep deprivation must do something with it. And because I had very loud, low humming, buzzing sound which started the whole ordeal back in October, I know from experience that it can be even worse.

I even have overly loud upstairs neighbours too. And I'm so frustrated. They were indirectly the cause that I needed to drown out noise while studying sometimes 8-10 hours a day. Yes, it was my own stupidity to do so with earplugs in and headphones on with loud classical music, nobody put a gun to my head, but I'm mad. I know it's futile at this point and probably I need to let the anger go away, but I'm angry. (Probably unjustified, because I have like 10 other possible causes that could be the reason for my tinnitus.) And it's so ironic, that since my T started, I kind of quietened down my life, lowered the volume on every appliance, and my hearing seems to be better, more sensitive. So I hear my neighbours even more...

Tinnitus messed up my life so bad. I have been depressed and anxious for quite sometime, and now most of my coping mechanism fail. University seems to be out of the window, and I really don't know what to do with myself. I'm currently not working, my other degree is not really marketable and all the remnants of my motivation is close to non-existent. I am so very afraid of the future and every freaking sound. It's not normal that I have to blow-dry my hair with earmuffs on.

But. We are still rather new to this. I try to find solace and clinge on hope because even though it's rare there are cases when it does get better or even stops. From the top of my head, @dpdx's tinnitus (I hope it's OK, that I tagged you) recently got better after struggling very hard for 2 or 3 years. In my local group, a man found silence, literal silence and not habituation, after 10 years. Research is happening. We need to give this some time. I don't know how, because lots of the times I think it would be better to die than living with this, but we need to hang in there for longer.

 

[Yuuls]

Oh, Yuuls. I feel like I could have written this post. So many similarities even though I suppose that your tinnitus is worse than mine. Mine is not overly loud, but very harsh, shrill, screaching sound with a recent rumbling undertone sound. Also fluctuates a lot, which I can't figure out why, what triggers it. Yesterday it was almost OK, then I got angry and frustrated over not being able to sleep still, and today it's worsened a lot. Sleep deprivation must do something with it. And because I had very loud, low humming, buzzing sound which started the whole ordeal back in October, I know from experience that it can be even worse.

I even have overly loud upstairs neighbours too. And I'm so frustrated. They were indirectly the cause that I needed to drown out noise while studying sometimes 8-10 hours a day. Yes, it was my own stupidity to do so with earplugs in and headphones on with loud classical music, nobody put a gun to my head, but I'm mad. I know it's futile at this point and probably I need to let the anger go away, but I'm angry. (Probably unjustified, because I have like 10 other possible causes that could be the reason for my tinnitus.) And it's so ironic, that since my T started, I kind of quietened down my life, lowered the volume on every appliance, and my hearing seems to be better, more sensitive. So I hear my neighbours even more...

Tinnitus messed up my life so bad. I have been depressed and anxious for quite sometime, and now most of my coping mechanism fail. University seems to be out of the window, and I really don't know what to do with myself. I'm currently not working, my other degree is not really marketable and all the remnants of my motivation is close to non-existent. I am so very afraid of the future and every freaking sound. It's not normal that I have to blow-dry my hair with earmuffs on.

But. We are still rather new to this. I try to find solace and clinge on hope because even though it's rare there are cases when it does get better or even stops. From the top of my head, @dpdx's tinnitus (I hope it's OK, that I tagged you) recently got better after struggling very hard for 2 or 3 years. In my local group, a man found silence, literal silence and not habituation, after 10 years. Research is happening. We need to give this some time. I don't know how, because lots of the times I think it would be better to die than living with this, but we need to hang in there for longer.

I wouldn't say mine is so much loud as it is uncomfortable. I have a base of a nonstop hissing, but then on top of that will have these electrical zaps to where all throughout the day I feel like I'm in a house with a TV on. There's no "sound" really but it's just that sensation, or perhaps it actually is a sound but so high pitched that it doesn't register as a ring. My left ear is very very very sensitive and is the one where I have this whining noise that blends in with external sounds.

I also have this feeling of general congestion and head fullness that makes me feel uncomfortable 24/7. I don't know what is going on but I am waiting for my employer to complete my insurance paper work so I can at least get a CT scan.

But yeah. It's crazy how we were simply just trying to do something to deal with our living arrangements to make life comfortable and ended up with this. I'm sure the concerts I've been to haven't helped, but I'm certain it was my overuse of my NC headphones at mild volume that did the bulk of the damage. I'm starting to think perhaps they're what caused me to develop mild Hyperacusis.

I'm trying to be patient, and will attempt to seek treatment once my insurance goes through but something deep inside me tells me it will be a waste of time and $$.

I am currently looking into moving away from the city center to somewhere more peaceful. No upstairs neighbors, no housemates to deal with. Maybe I'll get a kitten. Start doing yoga. I just want this uncomfortable sensation in my left ear to go away

 

[dan]

I hope you never do.

Honestly, I'm pretty sure (at least based on what I'm reading here) that there is yet another level (or even levels) above mine.
But those are no longer survivable for any sustained period of time.

Can you elaborate? Can you describe your tinnitus?

 

[Jack V]

I usually don't write posts like these but I'm in the mood. It took me almost 2 years after getting my catastrophic tinnitus and hyperacusis to start going out again, which I have been carefully doing now, without any hearing protection mind you. I have been a weird case, after getting my 11/10 tinnitus and hyperacusis I vowed to do everything to reduce it's volume and maybe even heal my hearing, despite almost everybody's words that it's impossible. My obsession might even be comparable to somebody like @JohnAdams.

From quite early on, I figured that habituation happens naturally, there's no way to really speed it up. At the same time, I wanted to be sure I did everything to heal, that I left almost no stone unturned, because my effort will be having a long term consequence. I recently counted up the things I gave a good try, there were 16. No gimmicky things Tonaki Tinnitus Protocol and not counting the minerals and vitamins I take like magnesium and D3 etc.

I realize this kind of obsession is not healthy or even useful for everybody, but I truly believe it saved my life and now I have a relatively normal existence with tinnitus being a minor hindrance. I believe I was a very bad case, even for Tinnitus Talk. My tinnitus was so bad I as unable to read a book, even had trouble with longer text messages online from friends. It was reactive to everything, especially synthetic sounds from speakers. Listening to music so low I could not hear any of the words would spike it to insane levels within 3 seconds, it took me half a year until I could listen to a song from start to finish.

I had earmuffs on when using the tap. Somebody folding together a paper bag would cause me to run out of the room. In a cold room in March in silence, my ears got hot and red from the insane tinnitus sound, it was drilling into my head and every second was torture. I could go on. I was sort of backed into a corner as well, had I not done something I would have gotten worse because the hyperacusis and reactivity were so bad and I was already at a breaking point and considering suicide.

At the moment, I have twice been able to withstand about 3+ hours in a crowded venue(without hearing protection) with my decibel meter showing on the phone an average of 70, with it spiking to 85 when somebody was speaking loudly. There was music playing obviously, which created most of the noise. No spikes, even temporary. This is a testament to how careful I've been with protecting while living like a hermit for almost 2 years and how much time, energy and money I have spent to heal.

Again, this is not for everybody, but I wasn't going to accept my situation and so I put a lot of effort into healing. I did a lot of things wrong with my recovery as well and tbh I kind of wish I had been even more obsessive. The important thing is I didn't sit idly by and believe everyone who said you just need to wait it out and habituate, which would have been impossible in my case anyways.

Reading it now, this post might sound offensive to some people on here which is not my intention, claiming you can heal from tinnitus meaning lower it's volume. I really believe it's possible, I know this from personal experience. There's no silver bullet and you need to do a LOT of research and experimenting and the first couple of months are crucial, if you miss that window you're going to have a harder time etc.

I have written my success story of what I did exactly, it still needs some perfecting. Though I don't think it's even that important to mention the things, everything I tried has a thread on Tinnitus Talk, I wish more people were experimenting diligently, thoroughly and using this wonderful resource fully.

I would be very interested in the array of things you did during your early months.

Like you, I'm inclined to put as much effort as I possibly can into healing during this initial phase, so I'm very interested to know what exactly you did. Much appreciated for anything you feel comfortable sharing.

Also, you say you wish you have been "even more obsessive." About what?

Thanks in advance and glad that things have gotten better for you.

- Jack

 

[SoundB0und]

I would be very interested in the array of things you did during your early months.

Like you, I'm inclined to put as much effort as I possibly can into healing during this initial phase, so I'm very interested to know what exactly you did. Much appreciated for anything you feel comfortable sharing.

Also, you say you wish you have been "even more obsessive." About what?

Thanks in advance and glad that things have gotten better for you.

- Jack

I'll PM you with everything, because otherwise it'll be really off topic for this thread. I mean more obsessive about recovery, trying things out and sooner etc. But overall I can't complain, I mostly have my life back.

Edit: says I can't PM you . Guess because you're too new user.

Edit 2: Nah that can't be the reason. Do you have your PMs disabled? If so, please enable them.

 

[El BUZZ]

My tinnitus has been severe since onset four years ago. First year I was depressed and unable to project myself doing things in a near future. Then I started to feel reconnecting to some areas of my pre-tinnitus life. Got back on my social life, hobbies and work. Good and bad periods alternated. I went through times in which I could completely forgot about tinnitus for days even being heard everywhere all the time. In some way I felt this condition taught me to enjoy life more than I was doing before. Travels, music, friends, girlfriend, job, laughs, books, bicycle... Lots of tools were back to me.

January 6, 2020 this thing got a tad louder. I thought it was a spike but it hasn't subsided yet so we can talk about a permanent worsening I guess despite having spare days when it's quieter. I am back in square one. Against the ropes. Obsessed about this, feeling anxious, depressed, body aches, can't smile, non suicidal thoughts but a deep feeling of being fed up with life, strong envy of people around me, monitorizing tinnitus volume and surrounding noises the whole time, knees deep in sh*t, deeply disgraced, desperate.

Will I be back to enjoy life? Once happened, may happen again. Road is rougher, though.